Mothers with chronic pain: three things you should never do

 
Mother's with chronic pain often doubt their parenting skills because of their pain conditions. It keeps you from running and playing with your kids; you can't even begin to try and keep up with them. Many days are spent resting in bed or on the couch. Maybe ten minutes of activity here or there, but you feel inadequate as a mother. The truth is, you shouldn't. The mere fact that you ask yourself if you are a good mother makes you a good mother. You're willing to take an honest look at yourself. That's a leg up on all the women in this world who feel fine each and every day, but rather than feel gratitude for this gift with their children, take it for granted and lose precious time each and every day with their kids. Yes, you have to severely limit what you physically do, but physical activity is not what we cherish most about our parents as we get older. It is the words, the time, the love. Those things are not attached to physical movement, they come from deep within you. The part of you that can't be touched by pain. As a mother living and raising a family with a chronic pain condition, there are three major things that should never be done.
 Keep your kids at a distance. Even if all you can do is lie in bed and put on a movie, invite them in, curl up next to them and watch a movie. Kids have a tendency to blame themselves if parents are distant with them. Make sure you children know how much you want to be around them regardless of what you're doing. 

Let your health suffer. Your attitude towards your life and health are evident to your kids. The greatest gift you can give your children is to love and care for their mother. You are the only one they will ever have and they will learn how to care for themselves through you. 

Shut your kids out from your condition. Children have an amazing ability to understand what is going on around them and most importantly to those they love. Talk to your kids, let them know what your condition is and what your physical capabilities are. Be positive, concentrate on what you can do with them rather than what you can't.   You are amazing mothers, capable of amazing feats and strengths because of your condition. And you are raising amazing kids who will learn through you to be loving and empathetic to all human beings regardless of their physical abilities. This is a life lesson you are uniquely suited to teach.

 

Original article on Examiner.com: http://www.examiner.com/article/mothers-with-chronic-pain-three-things-you-should-never-do

The importance of self-care for mothers

The reasons a mother gives herself for not "indulging" in self-care are numerous. There isn't enough time in the day, the children come first, they simply forgot, they feel too guilty taking time for themselves over their family. However, this outdated 1950's mode of thinking is no longer applicable in today's day and age.  Few if any studies have been conducted to evaluate the long term effects of self-care vs. little or none on mothers; women who are raising the children who will inevitably decide the future of the world we all live in. You cannot have a more important job than that. According to studies published in Caroline Anne Mavridis 'Euro-American Mothers Ethnotheories and Practices of Self-Care', 'despite the belief that self-care was considered important, all mothers expressed guilt over taking time for self as they struggled to balance their needs with those of their family members'. What lesson is more important to teach your children than caring for self? Where else will they learn how to do this than from their mothers?
If mothers cannot care for themselves, they cannot care for their families. Mothers will reach a point of burnout. They need to understand that practicing self-care is just as important as caring for their family. There is no guilt in self-care. Guilt is a self-defeating prophesy. Children may show respect for the sacrifices their mothers went through while raising them, but they also learn that self-care has no place in family life. They see and sense the stress, the depression, the anxiety that can set in when self-care is ignored. This is a cycle that needs to be permanently broken.
The old adage, 'it takes a village', was true then and is still true today. Women should not be trying to strive for the 'do everything until you drop' mother award. Whether it's family, friends, school or the community, women need to seek and ask for help long before they reach the stage of burnout.
If guilt is hitching a ride on your shoulder, you need to reevaluate how you view self-care. If not for yourself, see it as teaching your children how to care for themselves. They are the most important individuals in a mothers life, teach them the skills they need to grow up to be strong, self-caring adults. It doesn't need to be time consuming or expensive; it could be as simple as walking outside into the sunshine and breathing deeply. All mothers deserve to be cared for, especially by themselves. This will be a far better cycle to establish for the future.