The Invisible Disease: Best Tips for Surviving Fibromyalgia

Posted on Yahoo!Voices.com

Having a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia can feel like a death sentence. Your doctor informs you that you have an invisible disease which causes debilitating pain throughout your body. You may lose your job, have to fight for benefits. You have to deal with doctors who think you're lying about your condition and symptoms and become a guinea pig in order to find the most effective medications and therapies. You'll deal with depression, insomnia, anxiety, extreme fatigue and pain. Then, as if that wasn't enough, you have to deal with the loss of family and friends who can't understand. Friends drift away, family stops calling. You feel empty and utterly alone. How can you be expected to deal with all of this?

That is how I've felt while dealing with my diagnosis. It's been six years of struggle. Doctors and specialists, tests and medications; being told that nothing is wrong with me and knowing that something definitely is wrong. You have doctors and therapists telling you that you need to accept the fact that you will experience pain for the rest of your life. What? Accept the pain. Why yes, I'm so excited to have to feel like I'm burning from the inside out. To feel spasms and shooting pain run through various parts of my body; I'm on board. Let's just accept it and curl up in a hole right now. I've been told by one pain specialist that, "well at least Fibromyalgia isn't life threatening". Really? What could be a worse threat to my life? Pain, depression, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, migraines, weight gain; not being able to work, play with my son, take care of my home.

But what if there were a way of reaching acceptance? Not necessarily as the doctors have tried unsuccessfully to explain it, but a way of accepting a new life. A way of surviving the diagnosis rather than being a victim of the condition. That could change everything. It starts with how we see ourselves, what we tell ourselves each day.

Attitude is everything. One of the most important things I've learned during this journey is that if I feel like a sick person, I'll have horribly painful days. If I feel like a healthy, energetic person, I have better days . Dealing with a chronic illness can be devastating or it can teach us how to better care for ourselves. Sickness of any kind is our bodies inner alert system telling us that we need to pay attention and care for ourselves. This is the time to be selfish without guilt. This is the time to be vigilant; an active participant in our health. Keep researching, find support groups, interview as many doctors as it takes to find the one who will work with you on the best treatment plan. Look at alternative and non-traditional therapies like massage, acupuncture and osteopathic manipulative treatment.

Stress reduction is a must. Dealing with doctors and medications, trying to work (or coming to the conclusion that you can no longer work), trying to explain your condition to family and friends, fighting for benefits so you can take care of yourself physically and financially and just trying to get out of bed each day to continue the struggle can and often does overwhelm us into a deep depression and anxiety . There are things we can do to help reduce our stress levels:

• Find a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). A CBT therapist helps us find the best approaches to dealing with our current situations. It goes farther than just talk therapy. You may be given writing assignments or asked to do certain meditations or physical therapies as part of your treatment.
  
  
• Find what makes you happy. Get a collection of books or magazines that you really enjoy, gather together as many happy, funny, feel good movies you can and have them ready for the times when you need them. Start collecting pictures of things or places that make you feel good and put them into an album or vision board. Play your favorite music. Light candles, soak in the tub, breath deeply. Start a gratitude list. There are so many things to be grateful for even when we are in a challenging time of our lives. Concentrate on those each day. And most importantly - stay away from what makes you angry or upset. If hearing the news upsets you, stop watching it. If your home is cluttered and a mess because you've been unable to clean, see if a friend or family member can help you or call a maid service to come in once a month. Get rid of the clutter and unnecessary in your life.
  
  
• Reevaluate your relationships. This is a toughie, but vital to your health. Do you have friends or family that no matter how hard you try to explain what is going on with you, they just cannot understand or be sympathetic? Maybe you need to let go of those individuals or at the very least put boundaries and limitations on the relationship. If you're having a good day, fine but if you're having a bad day you need to keep them away from you. Let them know that today is a 'me' day and you'll get back to them when you can (then, and this is the most important part, hang up the phone ). If it's a spouse or child, take them to your doctors appointments, have them sit in on a therapy session, reach out to your support groups for help in educating them. You need them on your side and they need to know that you are not just being lazy. This is real, this is painful and this is a struggle for you each and every day even if they can't see it.
  
  
• Meditate every day. Meditate, pray, get lost in a beautiful piece of music or art. Do what ever it takes to quiet you mind and find peace within yourself. Our minds are amazing things and they can change our very existence . We've all heard of the placebo effect. We're given a pill and told that it will make 'this' happen. When it happens we go back to the doctor and tell them how great this pill is and they tell us, that's great but we only gave you a sugar pill. The pill did nothing to help our bodies, our minds did. Being able to tap into that power that we all hold within ourselves is what will change our health around.
  

Stop concentrating on the pain and start concentrating on our health. We must be able to surrender our old limiting and negative beliefs. Find one part of your body that doesn't hurt that day and meditate on that. Image yourself being and doing the things you want right now. See it and eventually you'll start to feel it and feeling it before it has happened physically is the key to manifesting miracles in our lives.

The steps listed above will give you the ability to handle the stress of doctors and medications, working and benefits. The point is to keep yourself in a good feeling place and not a negative, self-defeating place. It may not happen overnight, but maybe it will. The time it takes to change your health around from fighting a diagnosis to surviving is completely up to you. Our beliefs and thoughts manifest the feelings we have and by changing those we change our physical reality. I'm a huge believer in the Law of Attraction and the belief that what we think and feel we create. I have every intention of creating my health and not my disease. Call it God, call it Source, call it what ever you want. But what ever it is, I'm doing it - what about you?

Quick reference list of doctors you may want to consider seeing if you have or think you may have Fibromyalgia:

Primary Care Physician / Rheumatologist / Neurologist / Osteopath Doctor / Physical Therapist / Nutritionist / Acupuncturist / Massage Therapist / Chiropractor

If you are looking for a place to start finding the resources you'll need to reclaim control of your health, visit Fibro Survivors United.

I wish you all continued peace and health on your journey with Fibromyalgia.

Posted on Yahoo!: http://voices.yahoo.com/the-invisible-disease-best-tips-surviving-fibromyalgia-12288481.html?cat=5

Showing our Anger in Front of our Children

Have you ever watched a parent rant and rage about something in front of their child? Heard them yell at someone else in front of their children? Or perhaps been guilty of this act yourself? We're all human and slipping into this kind of unhealthy behavior can happen. 

The question is what does this do to our children and what do we do about it. 

First, we need to realize that it is alright to feel the need to release our anger at someone or something that has happened. The choice we all have is how we go about it. Some of us may write, or exercise or talk to someone about the issue. Preferably a counselor who can give you tips for healthy release of your angry feelings. Talking to friends or family in order to vent can actually increase your angry feelings because they will tend to agree with you and further foster your anger. This will not help. 

Next, we need to acknowledge that we've made a mistake in venting in front of our children. Just like we do with other adults - we need to apologize and make amends. Many parents may not realize or feel that they need to apologize to their children, but we do. If we make a mistake it is important that we let our children know that we were the ones that made the mistake, apologize and make amends. It is no different than if you struck your child. Emotional scares can be far worse than physical ones, and expressing your anger in front of your children is nothing more than a form of child abuse. And if it continues you may be facing the authorities for your actions, so do something about it today before it gets so out of control you can't find a way out.  

Children will internalize the anger we show them. This will tend to surface by out of control behavior from our children. We show them how to act. If we are constantly angry in front of them, they will mimic that behavior.  Screaming, yelling, throwing tantrums and being mean are all signs that you've taught your child to handle their anger and frustration in an unhealthy way. Parents never like to be told this, but it's important to realize that if these are the problems your child is having then they are trying to express their anger, frustration and fears in the only way they have been taught. 

It's our job as the parent to correct our mistakes. So what do we do? 

Sit our child down and explain ourselves. They certainly do not need to details of exactly what we are angry about, but we do need to make sure they know that we were in the wrong by expressing our anger in front of them. We were angry or sad and never should have said/done... (fill in the blank) in front of them. Then apologize. Let them know how sorry you are for what happened, that you will work very hard to never do that again. If they want to know why you were angry make sure you explain that it had nothing to do with them. Be general. Kids do not need to know our adult issues. If it has to do with a relationship with another person or situation that has changed or ended - just let them know that you are sad/angry/frustrated that the relationship/situation has changed. They do not need to be involved with the details, but it is okay to let your children know that you're angry or sad about something. It will make it easier for them to come to you with their anger and frustrations instead of acting out in the moment. 

Then give it some time. Keep reinforcing that your child can talk to you about what is bothering them when they start acting out of control. Don't immediately scold or discipline them until you can get to the root of why they are feeling so out of control. Most of the time we'll find that our children just need to talk something out. Show them how to use their words to express themselves and not lose total control. Even if it is a painful issue that we are dealing with ourselves, we are the adult in this situation. Our job as parents is to teach our children in a loving and positive way even in times when we feel lost and out of control.  

Do your best to keep your anger in check. If that means seeing a counselor or other professional to give you advice, do it. Don't think you have to do this alone. If there is help available, take advantage of that help. Allowing our anger to fester and grow keeps us from moving through the issue. We hurt ourselves and we hurt our children by doing this. And again, venting to family and friends may seem to help in the moment but will keep you in the middle of the anger. You can't move through it if you keep talking about it to those who will just jump into the fray with you. Of course they mean well, but keeping yourself in the anger doesn't help anyone. We need to process and move on. This is what we want for our children, and the best way to show our children is through our actions.  

We've all been there. We have all had things happen in our lives that hurt, but we are the only ones responsible for how we react. The other people involved didn't force you to explode in front of your children, you did that all on your own. But it can be fixed. We only want love and joy in our children's lives. There will be hurts and challenges that our children will need to face no matter how much we wish differently. Our job is to prepare them so they can face these challenges in a healthy way. Not only will we be teaching our children, but we'll be teaching ourselves a better way of life. Our bond with our children will prove it. 

Published on Examiner.com: http://www.examiner.com/article/showing-our-anger-front-of-our-children