Gratitude

Dear Universe,

I've realized that I'm not grateful enough for what I have in my life. I get so wrapped up in the daily issues, struggles and challenges that I let all the good things slip away from me. I struggle with pain on a daily basis, I deal with family stress every week, I'm trying to take care of my son alone, I'm trying to stay on a budget and still take care of the emergencies that inevitably pop up when I can't afford them, I live in a home that I constantly feel is too cluttered, dirty, and unfinished. It never seems to stop, and I don't stop to think about what I have that is good. I do have good things in my life, I really do. I just can't seem to keep them in the front of my mind on any regular basis. Then I find that because I've allowed the struggles to take precedence in my life, I can't seem to put any real feeling behind what I think I should be grateful for.

I love my son. I'm grateful that he's healthy and strong, that he's loving and kind; but at the same time I'm exhausted and just need a break, or to lapse into a coma for a few weeks. There's a weight in my chest that just won't ease up.

I should be grateful that I have a home, a roof over my head with electricity, heating, cooling and running water; but all I think about is that this isn't "my" home. It belongs to family and I desperately need to get out from under the pressure and stress that comes with that.

I have clothing, food, water, air to breath, sun to warm me, doctors to help me, a car to get me around, income to support myself...but I just feel that weight pressing down on me.

I'm grateful for my husband. He's like my light at the end of the tunnel. He showed up in my life when I needed him the most. He loves me, cherishes me and tells me how amazing I am every day. Even though I'm not quite sure what I do that makes me so amazing to him. I'm so grateful that he's in my life. We're going to build a home together, a life together, he's my better half. I hear is voice and I relax a little. The weight isn't so heavy as long as I can hear his voice. I have every phone message he's ever left for me saved to my phone so I can hear him any time I want. Even if I wake up at 3:00 am and need to hear his voice, I can.

I want the weight to keep lifting. I think as long as I have him in my life it will. So thank you, for my life, my son, all the conveniences that make my life easier to manage, all the people who care for me and support me, and most of all, thank you for sending my husband into my life when I needed him the most.

Thank you.