Trying

Have you ever just taken the time to really look at the people that pass through your life and how they affect you? Even if its only for a moment, you can get an idea about the kind of person they are. Are they happy, sad, angry, tense, scared. Those moments can tell you a lot about the person. I think that most people have the basic belief that you get in this world what you give to it, but do we really act like we believe this? I don't think so. We all want to be happy, but when we're presented with the opportunity to give that emotion out to the world we pull back. We yell at the driver that just cut us off in traffic rather than just slowing down and letting them go on their way. We let everyone else's negative actions and emotions dictate our present state of being. The driver was obviously in a hurry for some reason we will never know. They may have been upset about something and let it affect their driving. They could have been rushing to the hospital to see a loved one...we'll never know. But that person was putting out negative emotions, and that person will have to deal with the negative consequences in some form or other. But we've just allowed ourselves to be sucked into their negativity...so in essence we get to share their negative consequences. We're now tense and angry. We can feel it in our body, making our neck and shoulders ache. We might cut someone off ourselves...and the negative emotional train wreck is now trying to reach out and grab someone else. Hopefully they'll make a more positive decision and just slow down a bit, take a deep breath and continue on their way. But if they don't, the cycle continues.

Why do we let such insignificant actions by others dictate who we are? I've watched people who are just angry all the time. They're the type that are never happy with anything, snaps at you unexpectedly for various reasons you can never understand, and no matter what happens they're complaints are never ending. These people can literally suck the life right out of you...but only if you let them. They have a cycle of misery surrounding them that they have allowed themselves to become so entrenched in, they couldn't find the way out if you were shining the light and holding a big neon sign to the emotional exit door. They've made that choice whether they want to realize it or not. But even if we aren't the angry person in the corner, we still allow others to affect us to such an extent that it affects our lives, our health, our family, our time. Why? We can't control others actions, so why do we let them change us? We are selfish to think others should be and think as we do so we don't get upset...which is essentially what we're doing when we get so upset with others for not following our own ways of behaving.

I've had so many people walk into my life who are angry. Some as if they are almost rotting on the inside; an infection that they can't just take a pill and get rid of. I've allowed them to infect my own life, dragging me down to their level of anger, frustration and defensiveness. I didn't realize it until those people were no longer in my life. Whether family, friends, co-workers or acquaintances, I've come to realize that I've allowed this to happen and I don't actually need to. I can allow others, regardless of how close they are to me, to be who they are and refuse to let that affect my well-being.
They can be as angry and negative as they want, I don't need to duplicate that behavior in myself. I wish they would realize the damage they are doing to themselves; that their negativity has very destructive consequences. But I can't make them see that. I can only make sure that it doesn't affect me in a similar manner.

I'm trying. It isn't always easy, and I slip and find myself reacting to what others do. But I try to keep my mind open and realize what's happening. Take a deep breath, relax and remember that I don't have to follow in their footsteps. I don't want to be that person that bemoans life every time I'm asked how I'm doing. I don't want to spew negativity at everything that crosses my path. I have a family. A husband, kids...I don't want them to feel like that is the kind of person I am. I don't want my kids to feel like negativity is normal. It isn't. It's unnatural for negative emotions to rule your life, that's why it has so many horrible physical consequences. If it was natural, it would feel good. I want my kids to know that they don't have to react the second someone says or does something upsetting. They can stop and think about what is happening, how it's making them feel and how they want to react rather than reacting instantly with anger.  We all have a choice and I'm trying to make the right choice for myself and the ones I love the most in my life.