Love and Marriage is not easy, but like we say about kids...it's so worth it.

I was reading Laurell Hamilton's new blog on love and marriage, http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/2013/01/true-love-is-hard-work/, and I have to agree completely with what she has said. I to was in a young first marriage that grew in two very opposite directions in a very nasty way. It took me far too long to let it go, but I finally did. Then I swore off marriage like it was the plague. And life continued for the next six years, until I met Paul, my second husband. We've both come from long term relationships that grew in opposite directions and couldn't be reconciled. We're older now, hopefully a little wiser. I've seen all the stats on success rates of second marriages, but I really thing those stats are referring to those who are trying for the cookie cutter serial marriages. Those simply will never work.

My first and second marriages are nothing alike. We're older, we've grown. We know better what it is that we really want, what we don't want, and what would be an absolute deal breaker in the relationship. My husband is convinced he must have earned some massive karmic reward to get me as a wife...and I keep thinking I must have won the lottery to get a man as wonderful as him. His confidence in life is infectious, but also a little intimidating at times. I'm not that confident, so I'm hoping he can teach me how he does it. He can keep a much cooler head than I can, something that has probably served him well throughout his life. Something I could definitely use in my life. He doesn't question my loyalty, fidelity, honesty. He trusts what I do, the end. There's none of the drama from marriage #1. Who was I with, why, for how long, who else was there, did they talk to you, did you do anything "else". Coming home to an Inquisition was never fun, especially when you find out that you should have been the one Inquisitioning.

My husband and I are still working on what we need to do before I can move to Canada. We're going to have to live apart for a few more months, and he's never even questioned me about anything; and I don't feel the need to question him either. It's such a liberating feeling to be able to toss that weight off my shoulders of matrimony. I'm sure there will be so much more that I'll be able to toss away, and that he'll be able to toss away from our previous relationships. Our marriage is all new and bright and shiny. I won't let the ex's tarnish what we have together. They no longer have that kind of power over either of us.

I want us to fix any issues and overcome challenges that come into our lives, but never throw it away. My husband is too precise to me to do that. I know we'll have disagreements, they're bound to happen, but we'll be able to work through them rather than screaming and yelling, slamming doors and running into someone else's arms for comfort. That kind of life died years ago and I have no room for that now. Life really is so short. I'm not wasting my remaining time dwelling on the petty insignificant crap that comes up. Just let it roll, pick myself up, dust off, take my husbands hand, and keep moving forward. I've definitely found one of the good ones. He'll do the romantic stuff, but he'll also roll up his sleeves and sludge through the muck with me until we find what we need to keep moving forward. He is my soul mate. It didn't take long at all for me to feel that, to realize it was true, and that he felt the same. Some, well, most think we're completely crazy for diving in the way we have. All I can say is, I never felt more right about anything in my life. I decided to wholly listen to my sixth sense on this one, and she's screaming that I need to grab on to this one and never let him go. So that is exactly what I've done. I've found that someone who will travel the bumpy roads with me, always holding my hand. Pulling me along when I need it, and I'll do the same for him. But in the end, we'll have travelled our road side by side, always and forever.