My Writing Continues???

So I've been trying to come up with what I can do in order to prepare myself for possibly needed to go back to work at some point. I've discussed this with my husband, of course, and he likes the idea of expanding my writing and photography...doing freelance work while I continue to work on my novel. I can submit shorter pieces for publication and continue to grow my portfolio. And, most importantly, I don't have to be in an office. I can work from the comfort of home so I have my physical needs met. Having a chronic pain condition makes thinking of getting up each morning and trying to make it into an office by 8:00 am a complete and total nightmare of epic proportions. Just the stress alone of whether I could make it there...and stay there for the entire day. I don't think I'd be able to physically do that right now. My condition appears to be getting worse, not a good sign. And not exactly something that will get you a job, or let you keep one if by some miracle you are hired by someone.

My college education is in visual communications and graphic design, photography, and writing. I can take courses and research how to do freelance editing as well; I could make this work. But first, I need to start getting myself published again. My previous published articles were all in journalistic style. Very fact based, analytical. The kind of writing I'd like to do is quite different. I've been a practicing Wiccan since I was fifteen years old...so for twenty years. There's a Wiccan/Pagan magazine and ezine that takes submissions for publication. So I say...why not? I can write about my faith, what I do, challenges I have had, or what ever special topics they are looking for.

There should be other publications that take freelance contributions, I just need to find the ones I like and start submitting. The same with my photography. My husband reminded me about all the photo contests that happen all the time; just need to start submitting. I can even sell my photos on a website, blown up poster size. It may not bring in a lot of money, but it'll bring in something eventually and I'd be able to contribute again, find something I can actually do with my pain condition.

That's really one of the worst parts of all of this, besides the actual pain that is: the lose of everything you were able to do before. I had a career, a dance troupe, physical activities that I loved to do...that life has died. I'm still mourning that life, I just don't want to let go of it yet. I can't bring myself to say that I'm going to have this disease for the rest of my life and say goodbye forever to all that I was. I liked who I was, the dancing, the career, my yoga, pilates, zumba...I felt good. I looked good. I can't say goodbye to that, I want it back to much. I'm still fighting, which doctors say I need to stop doing. No fighting, but continue to educate myself on treatments and research, and accept that for this moment, I have pain. This is extremely difficult, especially when you try to say it, but your insides twist into a knot because deep down you don't feel the truth in that statement. I still feel that acceptance means giving up. Maybe my doctors need to come up with a new word that isn't so negative to me.

But, regardless of my issues with acceptance of my current condition, I'm going to try to write and submit for publication again. Wish me luck!