Sunday, September 9, 2012

When you know something is wrong


What do you do when you know something is wrong? Go to all the doctors and specialists, talk to someone, try medications. But what if everything just keeps getting worse? The medications don't work, the doctors can't come up with answers; or the answers they think may be it can't be fixed with a pill. What if the theory is everything is stemming from past traumas? PTSD from childhood abuse, a traumatic pregnancy and delivery, an abusive marriage - all of it comes roaring back in your face and says "Deal with me!" There's a point when all of this starts to affect you physically; chronic pain, migraines, depression, anxiety, weight gain, an inability to concentrate and function. You can't keep your mind on one task, can't remember the simplest things. Tasks that before you could finish in just a few minutes take days. You can't take care of your family, including yourself - and it just never stops.

What do you do? The ache in the middle of your chest never stops, your temper blows at the smallest thing. You procrastinate about everything. You feel like your body and soul are being torn in two. You can't work and have to go on disability. There are so many things you want to do but you just can't get anything done. You hurt so badly that you feel your body has betrayed you. What do you do? How do you even start to dig yourself out of the hole you've fallen in? You've tried everything and know you need to start from within - how do you start? What do you do?

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