The Art of Living with Gratitude, in Sickness and in Health - The Law of Attraction and How Even in Sickness Gratitude Can Be Present in Your Every Day Life

 
Published on Yahoo!Voices / February 4, 2014

Even in the best of times it can be difficult to live with an attitude of gratitude. We can take so many things in our lives for granted; being able to get up pain free every morning, contributing our knowledge at work, simply getting dressed and ready to leave the house. When a life altering condition appears on the scene gratitude is not the typical response. After being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition with no known cure , I was in panic mode. I had no idea what would lie ahead for me; could I keep working, rais e my son or even hav e a life of any kind? The condition worsened and I had to leave my full time work as a Senior Event and Communications Coordinator at Arizona State University after 11 years of service. I had to go on disability, get state assistance and learn how to speak up for myself with doctors and insurance companies. Not an easy task when you're spirally into a depression.

It wasn't an easy road but it is a manageable one if you can learn to concentrate on one small step at a time. First, get into the care of a physician and specialists who are well trained and knowledgeable about your condition. Don't ever let a medical professional try to demean you or make you think you're crazy for feeling the way you do. They aren't the doctor for you - keep searching. You need supportive advocate s for your health and they are out there in the form of physicians, family, support groups and friends. Talk to friends and family about what is going on with you physically and emotionally. If they can't understand or are unable to support you then you may need to explain to them that although you care for them very much, you will not be relying on them for support during this time in your life. And from that point on you can talk to them about anything, except your condition, which may mean you don't speak to them very frequently but this is about taking care of you not them.

Support groups are another wonderful place to look for like minded and understanding individuals who are going through the same or similar issues as yourself. Now, to clarify, by support group I am not referring to a group of individuals with the same conditions who sit around once a week and complain about each and every thing that has gone wrong with them or their lives. Yes, venting has its time and place but a support group should do just that SUPPORT. Offer books that are well written , tips for staying positive, references for doctors and other therapies that could help and a safe place to discuss your feelings and challenges with those who will support you and encourage you to keep going. Many support groups will also allow your family or friends to come with you so they can ask questions and gain some knowledge on what it means to have a pain condition.

Building your support system is the most important thing you can do. We all need to surround ourselves with loving and supportive individuals and keep any others at a distance . This is a time for guilt free selfishness. Our job is to practice extreme self-care ; how else can we ever be there for others if we are not able to take care of ourselves.

Once your support system is established and you have knowledgeable doctors working with you, the next step involves reinventing your daily life. What should your new daily routine involve? We need to figure out how our days will be, what kind of support will be needed with tasks we didn't need assistance with in the past. Our lives have changed so it's natural that our routines will change with it. Educating ourselves on our needs and physical limitations is important. Physical and emotional therapies should be included in our daily routines. For Fibromyalgia patients yoga and gardening are very good for both physical and emotional therapy. Meditation is also a valuable tool. It can be difficult for many people to meditate, especially when their lives have been turned upside down and depression is so close to us. But meditation comes in many forms. There is the typical form of sitting or lying down and quietly meditating but there are also guided meditations, moving meditations and deep relaxing meditations like Yoga Ni dra . So don't be discouraged if one form doesn't feel right to you. Just try another until you find the way that works best for you.

All of the steps listed above will help lead you to the next step; learning to live with gratitude in sickness. It can be extremely challenging to find anything to be grateful for when our health feels like it is no longer within our control to change and improve. All of the previous steps enable you to appreciate what you have in a positive light. I've listened to and watched others with similar pain conditions complain and live in constant depression over what they consider their 'lot in life'. They allow their conditions to fester and worsen over time. I know, I've been there myself. What I've learned through this journey , I do have control over my life and my body. My mind, my ability to recognize my emotions and reach for better feeling thoughts, is the strongest and most important ability I hold within myself. I have complete control, nothing can take that control away from me unless I let it.

One of the hardest challenges we all seem to face, whether we are in perfect health or not, is in taking responsibility for our emotions. It is so much easier to just put the blame on someone or something else. We give our power away to everyone who upsets us. It becomes even more challenging as our health declines. But what we should actively work on each day is realizing and accepting the fact that no matter what others are doing around us, we can live with joy, with appreciation and with gratitude in our lives. By turning away from what we do not want and spending our time with recognizing all the good that we have we actually begin increasing our ability to change our lives, to change our health.

This can seem like an impossible feat in the beginning. It involves being honest with yourself and others, setting up boundaries and sticking to them, actively practicing extreme self-care each and every day. All of this is possible, its that it can be uncomfortable at first because we are not accustomed to thinking of ourselves first. We aren't accustomed to being brutally honest with ourselves about what we really do want and need, and then expressing those needs. It can be frightening at first but I can guarantee that it gets easier, even enjoyable once you get the hang of it. And I can tell you all from personal experience that once you start putting out there what you want, once you take responsibility for your emotions, this is the place where miracles can and do happen.

This is why the first steps are so crucial to reaching this point. Gratitude does not come easily to those in pain - period. That's why we need our support system's in place, we need to have a list to go to for inspiration and support.
Some steps to get you started:

• Write out a gratitude list (and continue to add to it). Put it up somewhere that you can see it every day. Keep a copy with you at all times. If you start to feel negative, take it out, take a deep breath and read your list to remind you of what you do have that's good in your life.
  
• Make a list of any friends, family or support group members who you can call when you need to talk. Only list those who will be kind, supportive and encouraging.
  
• Keep the number of your doctor, therapist or counselor handy in case you need to make an appointment, and find out about emergency procedures their office may have if you need to speak to or see someone immediately.
  
• Declutter your home to declutter your mind. The more 'stuff' that is packed in around us physically the more anxious, depressed and stressed we feel. All of these emotions lead to increased pain. Start in one corner of a room if you need to, just do your best to simplify your life. We can breath easier when our homes, or place of solace and peace, is in order.
  
• Delegate . Find friends, family, support group members and/or other organizations that can assist you with small things like cleaning the house, walking the dog, helping you with shopping or budgeting. If you have children hopefully you have someone who can help with getting the kids to school and babysitting when you really need help. You need to lighten your load and stop expecting so much from yourself. If there is someone else on this planet who can do the job, see if you can delegate it.
  

It is so important to work towards releasing what you can, simplifying your home and life and establishing your support system in order to reach your goal of gratitude. It may feel like a million miles away but it doesn't need to. Our minds have far more ability to change our health around than any medication can. Physicians do studies constantly on the placebo affect with various medications and with a multitude of conditions and ailments . Study after studies shows that those with a positive attitude, a healthy support system and a strong belief in what ever unknown pill they are being given, are able to heal themselves. Pain conditions are one of the ailments that show significant findings in regards to lowering pain levels by having a more positive outlook and keeping to a healthy lifestyle.

I've heard the same complaints over and over again from fellow pain sufferers that this is all we have. Our lives will never get better. The doctors will never believe me or figure this out. I've been in the lonely place of feeling this worn out, this overwhelmed and this hopeless. I know first hand that we don't have a magic switch we can hit to feel better. Take baby steps, one day at a time and eventually you can and will get there. This I can promise.

Published on Yahoo!Voices / February 4, 2014

Only the Positive May Enter...All Else is Locked Out

For my followers on my Fibro Survivors United Facebook page, you all may have noticed that I do not post any of the hundreds of pictures and comments that reflect our pain, frustration, depression and fears. It is extremely difficult to do; allow only the positive to enter your life, to enter your mind. We are trained early on to always seek perfection, a better way. As we get older this turns into criticism of ourselves and others until all that is left is the negativity. War, hate, fear, self-loathing, lack of confidence and self-esteem.

Toss on top of this ever burdening load an invisible illness that causes chronic widespread pain throughout your entire body. Family and friends do not understand, doctors think you're faking, even conspiring to get ahold of the 'good' drugs for no other reason than to get high. You must fight to stay employed or fight for disability. We do deal with pain, anxiety, depression, insomnia, weight gain, migraines, loss, fear of the future. But what has concentrating on, talking about, and worrying about the negative aspects of my life ever gotten me but more of it?

It is a tough decision to decide that I will no longer allow all of the negative to walk through my door. I want to scream and yell at times to make others really see and hear my pain, but what would that accomplish? Their pity? If I cannot have an adult discussion on my diagnosis with them, and have them understand - is it worth it to keep fighting to try and force them to see me? The answer I finally came to - NO.

I have been reading and studying on the principles of the Law of Attraction. I have experimented with it. On small things that I would like...to test it. Everything I have put out into the Universe has come to me...as long as I only see the positive, and let it go. The principles are a bit trickier than that...but that is the jest of it. So there is something to all of it. It does work. Others say they have healed themselves through this process - doctors have called it a medical miracle. So what will it hurt to try?

My decision has led me to make some changes. I do not pay much attention to the news. Pain and hate is what sells and it is what the media likes to cram down all of our throats. So I say - no more. I no longer write about (complain about) my pain, frustrations, anger, etc. in my blogs or on my Facebook page, to my friends or my family. I no longer comment on or share any images or words that concentrate on the negative aspects of chronic pain. I only look for the positive information to share with myself and my readers.

This doesn't mean that all the ickyness of Fibro has vanished from my life in a magical poof of smoke and fairy dust (that would be very cool though), but I'm making progress. I try very hard (and I mean VERY hard) to stay on course. I meditate, do deep breathing, take long hot showers and Epson salt baths. I do yoga and get outside each day. I read fun books. I watch shows I like and keep my spirits up. And I write. I do not (try not) to discuss all the bad and icky of what I go through each and every day because the more concentration and time I put into the negative - according to the LOA - the more of it I will attract into my life.

I take my meds and see my doctors - I do not listen to them when they say I must accept my pain and that it will be with me for the rest of my life. What do they really know? Not much in the area of fibro...we've all found that out. So why listen to that? I choose not to. I research various methods, tips and tricks for helping and give them all a try. Some help, some don't. I'm trying to go with what works and just let all the rest go. It doesn't deserve my time and attention.

The negative people who have tried to stay in my life...no more. I am selfish because I love myself and I know better than any one else on this planet that I deserve happiness and joy. I deserve to feel good. I deserve a good nights sleep. I deserve anything and everything that I want for myself - and absolutely no one, no matter your level of education and how many initials you can place after your name, is going to be able to convince me of anything else!

So, I pass on all the images and sayings that increase my thoughts of pain and anything else negative in favor of the positive. Some days are easier than others, but I'm going to keep trying. I'm not going to beat myself up for forgetting this or that, or misplacing something or not meeting everyone else's expectations. I'm not going to let others have the control over me that they have had in the past - they cannot make me feel inferior or insignificant because of their own ignorance. I know exactly what I deal with each day and I don't need to discuss it at length with anyone except to update my doctor and keep my husband and kids updated on what my day is going to be (ie: I can do more today than yesterday...I need to take it easy today). I let my family and doctor know what I need without the complaining, crying, yelling and anger (ok, ok...I try VERY hard to do this).

Some might think this idea is stupid, ineffective or as one reader put it - to placate, but it gave her a really good laugh. We all have the right to our opinions but I've seen the difference a positive attitude and positive atmosphere have on a not very positive situation. There is just too much evidence that says there is something behind these principles to brush it aside. I do feel better on the days I'm able to stay more positive, and worse on my negative depressing days.

So this is what I'm doing, and this is why you won't find any negative imagery on my sites. I'll keep everyone posted on my progress.

♥ Gentle Hugs ♥

Best Ways of Dealing with a Sleep Disorder: Learning How to Cope

Published on Yahoo!Voices / August 7, 2013

If you can't seem to get to sleep at night, thoughts won't stop racing through your head or you can't stay asleep if you do finally fall asleep; you are probably dealing with a sleep disorder. This goes beyond the occasional inability to get a good nights sleep. This can go on for days, weeks, months, even years. I should know, I've been dealing with a sleep disorder for the past 3 years. But there is hope, and there are ways of helping yourself get back to your normal sleep routine. Here are some of the best ways I've found for dealing with a sleep disorder.
See your doctor. If it's been a couple of weeks and your sleeplessness is not letting up, go see your doctor. It many cases a sleep disorder is an underlying symptom of another more serious condition. For me, it turned into a chronic pain condition which took nearly 4 years to accurately diagnose. There may be medications that can help immediately (prescription and over-the-counter). Have an open and honest conversation about what is going on in your life so your doctor can get you on the right path.

Consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT is not your typical therapy. If there are other stressors or health issues going on, a therapist trained in CBT can help walk you through the steps you can actively take to learn to deal with what is going on. Help you learn to deal with your stress in a more positive way, and accept your own limitations without feeling like you're failing in some part of your life.

Be an active participant in your own healthcare. This is a big one. You can't just stand on the sidelines and let a doctor do everything for you. You MUST take an active role here. There are things you can do every day to help yourself in learning to deal with your sleep disorder:

1. Eat a healthy diet and get plenty of exercise. Discuss with your doctor or a nutritionist on the best plan for you.
2. Stick to the same schedule every day. Get up at the same time (even on weekends) and go to bed at the same time. The worst thing we can do for ourselves when dealing with a sleep disorder is constantly changing our internal clocks.
3. Have an evening bed time routine. Have a cool down period before bed, drink a cup of warm chamomile tea, take a leisurely walk, meditate. Just something that is going to allow you to let go of your day and calm your mind and body.

If you follow these steps you will most likely see a significant change in your sleep disorder. Even if this is a symptom of a larger issue, as is my situation, you will be taking steps to actively improve your overall health both physically and mentally. It may be a long-term plan, but every little step you take will help get you onto the path of health.

Published on Yahoo!Voices / August 7, 2013 

The Invisible Disease: Best Tips for Surviving Fibromyalgia

Posted on Yahoo!Voices.com

Having a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia can feel like a death sentence. Your doctor informs you that you have an invisible disease which causes debilitating pain throughout your body. You may lose your job, have to fight for benefits. You have to deal with doctors who think you're lying about your condition and symptoms and become a guinea pig in order to find the most effective medications and therapies. You'll deal with depression, insomnia, anxiety, extreme fatigue and pain. Then, as if that wasn't enough, you have to deal with the loss of family and friends who can't understand. Friends drift away, family stops calling. You feel empty and utterly alone. How can you be expected to deal with all of this?

That is how I've felt while dealing with my diagnosis. It's been six years of struggle. Doctors and specialists, tests and medications; being told that nothing is wrong with me and knowing that something definitely is wrong. You have doctors and therapists telling you that you need to accept the fact that you will experience pain for the rest of your life. What? Accept the pain. Why yes, I'm so excited to have to feel like I'm burning from the inside out. To feel spasms and shooting pain run through various parts of my body; I'm on board. Let's just accept it and curl up in a hole right now. I've been told by one pain specialist that, "well at least Fibromyalgia isn't life threatening". Really? What could be a worse threat to my life? Pain, depression, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, migraines, weight gain; not being able to work, play with my son, take care of my home.

But what if there were a way of reaching acceptance? Not necessarily as the doctors have tried unsuccessfully to explain it, but a way of accepting a new life. A way of surviving the diagnosis rather than being a victim of the condition. That could change everything. It starts with how we see ourselves, what we tell ourselves each day.

Attitude is everything. One of the most important things I've learned during this journey is that if I feel like a sick person, I'll have horribly painful days. If I feel like a healthy, energetic person, I have better days . Dealing with a chronic illness can be devastating or it can teach us how to better care for ourselves. Sickness of any kind is our bodies inner alert system telling us that we need to pay attention and care for ourselves. This is the time to be selfish without guilt. This is the time to be vigilant; an active participant in our health. Keep researching, find support groups, interview as many doctors as it takes to find the one who will work with you on the best treatment plan. Look at alternative and non-traditional therapies like massage, acupuncture and osteopathic manipulative treatment.

Stress reduction is a must. Dealing with doctors and medications, trying to work (or coming to the conclusion that you can no longer work), trying to explain your condition to family and friends, fighting for benefits so you can take care of yourself physically and financially and just trying to get out of bed each day to continue the struggle can and often does overwhelm us into a deep depression and anxiety . There are things we can do to help reduce our stress levels:

• Find a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). A CBT therapist helps us find the best approaches to dealing with our current situations. It goes farther than just talk therapy. You may be given writing assignments or asked to do certain meditations or physical therapies as part of your treatment.
  
  
• Find what makes you happy. Get a collection of books or magazines that you really enjoy, gather together as many happy, funny, feel good movies you can and have them ready for the times when you need them. Start collecting pictures of things or places that make you feel good and put them into an album or vision board. Play your favorite music. Light candles, soak in the tub, breath deeply. Start a gratitude list. There are so many things to be grateful for even when we are in a challenging time of our lives. Concentrate on those each day. And most importantly - stay away from what makes you angry or upset. If hearing the news upsets you, stop watching it. If your home is cluttered and a mess because you've been unable to clean, see if a friend or family member can help you or call a maid service to come in once a month. Get rid of the clutter and unnecessary in your life.
  
  
• Reevaluate your relationships. This is a toughie, but vital to your health. Do you have friends or family that no matter how hard you try to explain what is going on with you, they just cannot understand or be sympathetic? Maybe you need to let go of those individuals or at the very least put boundaries and limitations on the relationship. If you're having a good day, fine but if you're having a bad day you need to keep them away from you. Let them know that today is a 'me' day and you'll get back to them when you can (then, and this is the most important part, hang up the phone ). If it's a spouse or child, take them to your doctors appointments, have them sit in on a therapy session, reach out to your support groups for help in educating them. You need them on your side and they need to know that you are not just being lazy. This is real, this is painful and this is a struggle for you each and every day even if they can't see it.
  
  
• Meditate every day. Meditate, pray, get lost in a beautiful piece of music or art. Do what ever it takes to quiet you mind and find peace within yourself. Our minds are amazing things and they can change our very existence . We've all heard of the placebo effect. We're given a pill and told that it will make 'this' happen. When it happens we go back to the doctor and tell them how great this pill is and they tell us, that's great but we only gave you a sugar pill. The pill did nothing to help our bodies, our minds did. Being able to tap into that power that we all hold within ourselves is what will change our health around.
  

Stop concentrating on the pain and start concentrating on our health. We must be able to surrender our old limiting and negative beliefs. Find one part of your body that doesn't hurt that day and meditate on that. Image yourself being and doing the things you want right now. See it and eventually you'll start to feel it and feeling it before it has happened physically is the key to manifesting miracles in our lives.

The steps listed above will give you the ability to handle the stress of doctors and medications, working and benefits. The point is to keep yourself in a good feeling place and not a negative, self-defeating place. It may not happen overnight, but maybe it will. The time it takes to change your health around from fighting a diagnosis to surviving is completely up to you. Our beliefs and thoughts manifest the feelings we have and by changing those we change our physical reality. I'm a huge believer in the Law of Attraction and the belief that what we think and feel we create. I have every intention of creating my health and not my disease. Call it God, call it Source, call it what ever you want. But what ever it is, I'm doing it - what about you?

Quick reference list of doctors you may want to consider seeing if you have or think you may have Fibromyalgia:

Primary Care Physician / Rheumatologist / Neurologist / Osteopath Doctor / Physical Therapist / Nutritionist / Acupuncturist / Massage Therapist / Chiropractor

If you are looking for a place to start finding the resources you'll need to reclaim control of your health, visit Fibro Survivors United.

I wish you all continued peace and health on your journey with Fibromyalgia.

Posted on Yahoo!: http://voices.yahoo.com/the-invisible-disease-best-tips-surviving-fibromyalgia-12288481.html?cat=5

Showing our Anger in Front of our Children

Have you ever watched a parent rant and rage about something in front of their child? Heard them yell at someone else in front of their children? Or perhaps been guilty of this act yourself? We're all human and slipping into this kind of unhealthy behavior can happen. 

The question is what does this do to our children and what do we do about it. 

First, we need to realize that it is alright to feel the need to release our anger at someone or something that has happened. The choice we all have is how we go about it. Some of us may write, or exercise or talk to someone about the issue. Preferably a counselor who can give you tips for healthy release of your angry feelings. Talking to friends or family in order to vent can actually increase your angry feelings because they will tend to agree with you and further foster your anger. This will not help. 

Next, we need to acknowledge that we've made a mistake in venting in front of our children. Just like we do with other adults - we need to apologize and make amends. Many parents may not realize or feel that they need to apologize to their children, but we do. If we make a mistake it is important that we let our children know that we were the ones that made the mistake, apologize and make amends. It is no different than if you struck your child. Emotional scares can be far worse than physical ones, and expressing your anger in front of your children is nothing more than a form of child abuse. And if it continues you may be facing the authorities for your actions, so do something about it today before it gets so out of control you can't find a way out.  

Children will internalize the anger we show them. This will tend to surface by out of control behavior from our children. We show them how to act. If we are constantly angry in front of them, they will mimic that behavior.  Screaming, yelling, throwing tantrums and being mean are all signs that you've taught your child to handle their anger and frustration in an unhealthy way. Parents never like to be told this, but it's important to realize that if these are the problems your child is having then they are trying to express their anger, frustration and fears in the only way they have been taught. 

It's our job as the parent to correct our mistakes. So what do we do? 

Sit our child down and explain ourselves. They certainly do not need to details of exactly what we are angry about, but we do need to make sure they know that we were in the wrong by expressing our anger in front of them. We were angry or sad and never should have said/done... (fill in the blank) in front of them. Then apologize. Let them know how sorry you are for what happened, that you will work very hard to never do that again. If they want to know why you were angry make sure you explain that it had nothing to do with them. Be general. Kids do not need to know our adult issues. If it has to do with a relationship with another person or situation that has changed or ended - just let them know that you are sad/angry/frustrated that the relationship/situation has changed. They do not need to be involved with the details, but it is okay to let your children know that you're angry or sad about something. It will make it easier for them to come to you with their anger and frustrations instead of acting out in the moment. 

Then give it some time. Keep reinforcing that your child can talk to you about what is bothering them when they start acting out of control. Don't immediately scold or discipline them until you can get to the root of why they are feeling so out of control. Most of the time we'll find that our children just need to talk something out. Show them how to use their words to express themselves and not lose total control. Even if it is a painful issue that we are dealing with ourselves, we are the adult in this situation. Our job as parents is to teach our children in a loving and positive way even in times when we feel lost and out of control.  

Do your best to keep your anger in check. If that means seeing a counselor or other professional to give you advice, do it. Don't think you have to do this alone. If there is help available, take advantage of that help. Allowing our anger to fester and grow keeps us from moving through the issue. We hurt ourselves and we hurt our children by doing this. And again, venting to family and friends may seem to help in the moment but will keep you in the middle of the anger. You can't move through it if you keep talking about it to those who will just jump into the fray with you. Of course they mean well, but keeping yourself in the anger doesn't help anyone. We need to process and move on. This is what we want for our children, and the best way to show our children is through our actions.  

We've all been there. We have all had things happen in our lives that hurt, but we are the only ones responsible for how we react. The other people involved didn't force you to explode in front of your children, you did that all on your own. But it can be fixed. We only want love and joy in our children's lives. There will be hurts and challenges that our children will need to face no matter how much we wish differently. Our job is to prepare them so they can face these challenges in a healthy way. Not only will we be teaching our children, but we'll be teaching ourselves a better way of life. Our bond with our children will prove it. 

Published on Examiner.com: http://www.examiner.com/article/showing-our-anger-front-of-our-children