The Art of Living with Gratitude, in Sickness and in Health - The Law of Attraction and How Even in Sickness Gratitude Can Be Present in Your Every Day Life

 
Published on Yahoo!Voices / February 4, 2014

Even in the best of times it can be difficult to live with an attitude of gratitude. We can take so many things in our lives for granted; being able to get up pain free every morning, contributing our knowledge at work, simply getting dressed and ready to leave the house. When a life altering condition appears on the scene gratitude is not the typical response. After being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition with no known cure , I was in panic mode. I had no idea what would lie ahead for me; could I keep working, rais e my son or even hav e a life of any kind? The condition worsened and I had to leave my full time work as a Senior Event and Communications Coordinator at Arizona State University after 11 years of service. I had to go on disability, get state assistance and learn how to speak up for myself with doctors and insurance companies. Not an easy task when you're spirally into a depression.

It wasn't an easy road but it is a manageable one if you can learn to concentrate on one small step at a time. First, get into the care of a physician and specialists who are well trained and knowledgeable about your condition. Don't ever let a medical professional try to demean you or make you think you're crazy for feeling the way you do. They aren't the doctor for you - keep searching. You need supportive advocate s for your health and they are out there in the form of physicians, family, support groups and friends. Talk to friends and family about what is going on with you physically and emotionally. If they can't understand or are unable to support you then you may need to explain to them that although you care for them very much, you will not be relying on them for support during this time in your life. And from that point on you can talk to them about anything, except your condition, which may mean you don't speak to them very frequently but this is about taking care of you not them.

Support groups are another wonderful place to look for like minded and understanding individuals who are going through the same or similar issues as yourself. Now, to clarify, by support group I am not referring to a group of individuals with the same conditions who sit around once a week and complain about each and every thing that has gone wrong with them or their lives. Yes, venting has its time and place but a support group should do just that SUPPORT. Offer books that are well written , tips for staying positive, references for doctors and other therapies that could help and a safe place to discuss your feelings and challenges with those who will support you and encourage you to keep going. Many support groups will also allow your family or friends to come with you so they can ask questions and gain some knowledge on what it means to have a pain condition.

Building your support system is the most important thing you can do. We all need to surround ourselves with loving and supportive individuals and keep any others at a distance . This is a time for guilt free selfishness. Our job is to practice extreme self-care ; how else can we ever be there for others if we are not able to take care of ourselves.

Once your support system is established and you have knowledgeable doctors working with you, the next step involves reinventing your daily life. What should your new daily routine involve? We need to figure out how our days will be, what kind of support will be needed with tasks we didn't need assistance with in the past. Our lives have changed so it's natural that our routines will change with it. Educating ourselves on our needs and physical limitations is important. Physical and emotional therapies should be included in our daily routines. For Fibromyalgia patients yoga and gardening are very good for both physical and emotional therapy. Meditation is also a valuable tool. It can be difficult for many people to meditate, especially when their lives have been turned upside down and depression is so close to us. But meditation comes in many forms. There is the typical form of sitting or lying down and quietly meditating but there are also guided meditations, moving meditations and deep relaxing meditations like Yoga Ni dra . So don't be discouraged if one form doesn't feel right to you. Just try another until you find the way that works best for you.

All of the steps listed above will help lead you to the next step; learning to live with gratitude in sickness. It can be extremely challenging to find anything to be grateful for when our health feels like it is no longer within our control to change and improve. All of the previous steps enable you to appreciate what you have in a positive light. I've listened to and watched others with similar pain conditions complain and live in constant depression over what they consider their 'lot in life'. They allow their conditions to fester and worsen over time. I know, I've been there myself. What I've learned through this journey , I do have control over my life and my body. My mind, my ability to recognize my emotions and reach for better feeling thoughts, is the strongest and most important ability I hold within myself. I have complete control, nothing can take that control away from me unless I let it.

One of the hardest challenges we all seem to face, whether we are in perfect health or not, is in taking responsibility for our emotions. It is so much easier to just put the blame on someone or something else. We give our power away to everyone who upsets us. It becomes even more challenging as our health declines. But what we should actively work on each day is realizing and accepting the fact that no matter what others are doing around us, we can live with joy, with appreciation and with gratitude in our lives. By turning away from what we do not want and spending our time with recognizing all the good that we have we actually begin increasing our ability to change our lives, to change our health.

This can seem like an impossible feat in the beginning. It involves being honest with yourself and others, setting up boundaries and sticking to them, actively practicing extreme self-care each and every day. All of this is possible, its that it can be uncomfortable at first because we are not accustomed to thinking of ourselves first. We aren't accustomed to being brutally honest with ourselves about what we really do want and need, and then expressing those needs. It can be frightening at first but I can guarantee that it gets easier, even enjoyable once you get the hang of it. And I can tell you all from personal experience that once you start putting out there what you want, once you take responsibility for your emotions, this is the place where miracles can and do happen.

This is why the first steps are so crucial to reaching this point. Gratitude does not come easily to those in pain - period. That's why we need our support system's in place, we need to have a list to go to for inspiration and support.
Some steps to get you started:

• Write out a gratitude list (and continue to add to it). Put it up somewhere that you can see it every day. Keep a copy with you at all times. If you start to feel negative, take it out, take a deep breath and read your list to remind you of what you do have that's good in your life.
  
• Make a list of any friends, family or support group members who you can call when you need to talk. Only list those who will be kind, supportive and encouraging.
  
• Keep the number of your doctor, therapist or counselor handy in case you need to make an appointment, and find out about emergency procedures their office may have if you need to speak to or see someone immediately.
  
• Declutter your home to declutter your mind. The more 'stuff' that is packed in around us physically the more anxious, depressed and stressed we feel. All of these emotions lead to increased pain. Start in one corner of a room if you need to, just do your best to simplify your life. We can breath easier when our homes, or place of solace and peace, is in order.
  
• Delegate . Find friends, family, support group members and/or other organizations that can assist you with small things like cleaning the house, walking the dog, helping you with shopping or budgeting. If you have children hopefully you have someone who can help with getting the kids to school and babysitting when you really need help. You need to lighten your load and stop expecting so much from yourself. If there is someone else on this planet who can do the job, see if you can delegate it.
  

It is so important to work towards releasing what you can, simplifying your home and life and establishing your support system in order to reach your goal of gratitude. It may feel like a million miles away but it doesn't need to. Our minds have far more ability to change our health around than any medication can. Physicians do studies constantly on the placebo affect with various medications and with a multitude of conditions and ailments . Study after studies shows that those with a positive attitude, a healthy support system and a strong belief in what ever unknown pill they are being given, are able to heal themselves. Pain conditions are one of the ailments that show significant findings in regards to lowering pain levels by having a more positive outlook and keeping to a healthy lifestyle.

I've heard the same complaints over and over again from fellow pain sufferers that this is all we have. Our lives will never get better. The doctors will never believe me or figure this out. I've been in the lonely place of feeling this worn out, this overwhelmed and this hopeless. I know first hand that we don't have a magic switch we can hit to feel better. Take baby steps, one day at a time and eventually you can and will get there. This I can promise.

Published on Yahoo!Voices / February 4, 2014

Only the Positive May Enter...All Else is Locked Out

For my followers on my Fibro Survivors United Facebook page, you all may have noticed that I do not post any of the hundreds of pictures and comments that reflect our pain, frustration, depression and fears. It is extremely difficult to do; allow only the positive to enter your life, to enter your mind. We are trained early on to always seek perfection, a better way. As we get older this turns into criticism of ourselves and others until all that is left is the negativity. War, hate, fear, self-loathing, lack of confidence and self-esteem.

Toss on top of this ever burdening load an invisible illness that causes chronic widespread pain throughout your entire body. Family and friends do not understand, doctors think you're faking, even conspiring to get ahold of the 'good' drugs for no other reason than to get high. You must fight to stay employed or fight for disability. We do deal with pain, anxiety, depression, insomnia, weight gain, migraines, loss, fear of the future. But what has concentrating on, talking about, and worrying about the negative aspects of my life ever gotten me but more of it?

It is a tough decision to decide that I will no longer allow all of the negative to walk through my door. I want to scream and yell at times to make others really see and hear my pain, but what would that accomplish? Their pity? If I cannot have an adult discussion on my diagnosis with them, and have them understand - is it worth it to keep fighting to try and force them to see me? The answer I finally came to - NO.

I have been reading and studying on the principles of the Law of Attraction. I have experimented with it. On small things that I would like...to test it. Everything I have put out into the Universe has come to me...as long as I only see the positive, and let it go. The principles are a bit trickier than that...but that is the jest of it. So there is something to all of it. It does work. Others say they have healed themselves through this process - doctors have called it a medical miracle. So what will it hurt to try?

My decision has led me to make some changes. I do not pay much attention to the news. Pain and hate is what sells and it is what the media likes to cram down all of our throats. So I say - no more. I no longer write about (complain about) my pain, frustrations, anger, etc. in my blogs or on my Facebook page, to my friends or my family. I no longer comment on or share any images or words that concentrate on the negative aspects of chronic pain. I only look for the positive information to share with myself and my readers.

This doesn't mean that all the ickyness of Fibro has vanished from my life in a magical poof of smoke and fairy dust (that would be very cool though), but I'm making progress. I try very hard (and I mean VERY hard) to stay on course. I meditate, do deep breathing, take long hot showers and Epson salt baths. I do yoga and get outside each day. I read fun books. I watch shows I like and keep my spirits up. And I write. I do not (try not) to discuss all the bad and icky of what I go through each and every day because the more concentration and time I put into the negative - according to the LOA - the more of it I will attract into my life.

I take my meds and see my doctors - I do not listen to them when they say I must accept my pain and that it will be with me for the rest of my life. What do they really know? Not much in the area of fibro...we've all found that out. So why listen to that? I choose not to. I research various methods, tips and tricks for helping and give them all a try. Some help, some don't. I'm trying to go with what works and just let all the rest go. It doesn't deserve my time and attention.

The negative people who have tried to stay in my life...no more. I am selfish because I love myself and I know better than any one else on this planet that I deserve happiness and joy. I deserve to feel good. I deserve a good nights sleep. I deserve anything and everything that I want for myself - and absolutely no one, no matter your level of education and how many initials you can place after your name, is going to be able to convince me of anything else!

So, I pass on all the images and sayings that increase my thoughts of pain and anything else negative in favor of the positive. Some days are easier than others, but I'm going to keep trying. I'm not going to beat myself up for forgetting this or that, or misplacing something or not meeting everyone else's expectations. I'm not going to let others have the control over me that they have had in the past - they cannot make me feel inferior or insignificant because of their own ignorance. I know exactly what I deal with each day and I don't need to discuss it at length with anyone except to update my doctor and keep my husband and kids updated on what my day is going to be (ie: I can do more today than yesterday...I need to take it easy today). I let my family and doctor know what I need without the complaining, crying, yelling and anger (ok, ok...I try VERY hard to do this).

Some might think this idea is stupid, ineffective or as one reader put it - to placate, but it gave her a really good laugh. We all have the right to our opinions but I've seen the difference a positive attitude and positive atmosphere have on a not very positive situation. There is just too much evidence that says there is something behind these principles to brush it aside. I do feel better on the days I'm able to stay more positive, and worse on my negative depressing days.

So this is what I'm doing, and this is why you won't find any negative imagery on my sites. I'll keep everyone posted on my progress.

♥ Gentle Hugs ♥

Best Ways of Dealing with a Sleep Disorder: Learning How to Cope

Published on Yahoo!Voices / August 7, 2013

If you can't seem to get to sleep at night, thoughts won't stop racing through your head or you can't stay asleep if you do finally fall asleep; you are probably dealing with a sleep disorder. This goes beyond the occasional inability to get a good nights sleep. This can go on for days, weeks, months, even years. I should know, I've been dealing with a sleep disorder for the past 3 years. But there is hope, and there are ways of helping yourself get back to your normal sleep routine. Here are some of the best ways I've found for dealing with a sleep disorder.
See your doctor. If it's been a couple of weeks and your sleeplessness is not letting up, go see your doctor. It many cases a sleep disorder is an underlying symptom of another more serious condition. For me, it turned into a chronic pain condition which took nearly 4 years to accurately diagnose. There may be medications that can help immediately (prescription and over-the-counter). Have an open and honest conversation about what is going on in your life so your doctor can get you on the right path.

Consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT is not your typical therapy. If there are other stressors or health issues going on, a therapist trained in CBT can help walk you through the steps you can actively take to learn to deal with what is going on. Help you learn to deal with your stress in a more positive way, and accept your own limitations without feeling like you're failing in some part of your life.

Be an active participant in your own healthcare. This is a big one. You can't just stand on the sidelines and let a doctor do everything for you. You MUST take an active role here. There are things you can do every day to help yourself in learning to deal with your sleep disorder:

1. Eat a healthy diet and get plenty of exercise. Discuss with your doctor or a nutritionist on the best plan for you.
2. Stick to the same schedule every day. Get up at the same time (even on weekends) and go to bed at the same time. The worst thing we can do for ourselves when dealing with a sleep disorder is constantly changing our internal clocks.
3. Have an evening bed time routine. Have a cool down period before bed, drink a cup of warm chamomile tea, take a leisurely walk, meditate. Just something that is going to allow you to let go of your day and calm your mind and body.

If you follow these steps you will most likely see a significant change in your sleep disorder. Even if this is a symptom of a larger issue, as is my situation, you will be taking steps to actively improve your overall health both physically and mentally. It may be a long-term plan, but every little step you take will help get you onto the path of health.

Published on Yahoo!Voices / August 7, 2013 

The Invisible Disease: Best Tips for Surviving Fibromyalgia

Posted on Yahoo!Voices.com

Having a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia can feel like a death sentence. Your doctor informs you that you have an invisible disease which causes debilitating pain throughout your body. You may lose your job, have to fight for benefits. You have to deal with doctors who think you're lying about your condition and symptoms and become a guinea pig in order to find the most effective medications and therapies. You'll deal with depression, insomnia, anxiety, extreme fatigue and pain. Then, as if that wasn't enough, you have to deal with the loss of family and friends who can't understand. Friends drift away, family stops calling. You feel empty and utterly alone. How can you be expected to deal with all of this?

That is how I've felt while dealing with my diagnosis. It's been six years of struggle. Doctors and specialists, tests and medications; being told that nothing is wrong with me and knowing that something definitely is wrong. You have doctors and therapists telling you that you need to accept the fact that you will experience pain for the rest of your life. What? Accept the pain. Why yes, I'm so excited to have to feel like I'm burning from the inside out. To feel spasms and shooting pain run through various parts of my body; I'm on board. Let's just accept it and curl up in a hole right now. I've been told by one pain specialist that, "well at least Fibromyalgia isn't life threatening". Really? What could be a worse threat to my life? Pain, depression, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, migraines, weight gain; not being able to work, play with my son, take care of my home.

But what if there were a way of reaching acceptance? Not necessarily as the doctors have tried unsuccessfully to explain it, but a way of accepting a new life. A way of surviving the diagnosis rather than being a victim of the condition. That could change everything. It starts with how we see ourselves, what we tell ourselves each day.

Attitude is everything. One of the most important things I've learned during this journey is that if I feel like a sick person, I'll have horribly painful days. If I feel like a healthy, energetic person, I have better days . Dealing with a chronic illness can be devastating or it can teach us how to better care for ourselves. Sickness of any kind is our bodies inner alert system telling us that we need to pay attention and care for ourselves. This is the time to be selfish without guilt. This is the time to be vigilant; an active participant in our health. Keep researching, find support groups, interview as many doctors as it takes to find the one who will work with you on the best treatment plan. Look at alternative and non-traditional therapies like massage, acupuncture and osteopathic manipulative treatment.

Stress reduction is a must. Dealing with doctors and medications, trying to work (or coming to the conclusion that you can no longer work), trying to explain your condition to family and friends, fighting for benefits so you can take care of yourself physically and financially and just trying to get out of bed each day to continue the struggle can and often does overwhelm us into a deep depression and anxiety . There are things we can do to help reduce our stress levels:

• Find a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). A CBT therapist helps us find the best approaches to dealing with our current situations. It goes farther than just talk therapy. You may be given writing assignments or asked to do certain meditations or physical therapies as part of your treatment.
  
  
• Find what makes you happy. Get a collection of books or magazines that you really enjoy, gather together as many happy, funny, feel good movies you can and have them ready for the times when you need them. Start collecting pictures of things or places that make you feel good and put them into an album or vision board. Play your favorite music. Light candles, soak in the tub, breath deeply. Start a gratitude list. There are so many things to be grateful for even when we are in a challenging time of our lives. Concentrate on those each day. And most importantly - stay away from what makes you angry or upset. If hearing the news upsets you, stop watching it. If your home is cluttered and a mess because you've been unable to clean, see if a friend or family member can help you or call a maid service to come in once a month. Get rid of the clutter and unnecessary in your life.
  
  
• Reevaluate your relationships. This is a toughie, but vital to your health. Do you have friends or family that no matter how hard you try to explain what is going on with you, they just cannot understand or be sympathetic? Maybe you need to let go of those individuals or at the very least put boundaries and limitations on the relationship. If you're having a good day, fine but if you're having a bad day you need to keep them away from you. Let them know that today is a 'me' day and you'll get back to them when you can (then, and this is the most important part, hang up the phone ). If it's a spouse or child, take them to your doctors appointments, have them sit in on a therapy session, reach out to your support groups for help in educating them. You need them on your side and they need to know that you are not just being lazy. This is real, this is painful and this is a struggle for you each and every day even if they can't see it.
  
  
• Meditate every day. Meditate, pray, get lost in a beautiful piece of music or art. Do what ever it takes to quiet you mind and find peace within yourself. Our minds are amazing things and they can change our very existence . We've all heard of the placebo effect. We're given a pill and told that it will make 'this' happen. When it happens we go back to the doctor and tell them how great this pill is and they tell us, that's great but we only gave you a sugar pill. The pill did nothing to help our bodies, our minds did. Being able to tap into that power that we all hold within ourselves is what will change our health around.
  

Stop concentrating on the pain and start concentrating on our health. We must be able to surrender our old limiting and negative beliefs. Find one part of your body that doesn't hurt that day and meditate on that. Image yourself being and doing the things you want right now. See it and eventually you'll start to feel it and feeling it before it has happened physically is the key to manifesting miracles in our lives.

The steps listed above will give you the ability to handle the stress of doctors and medications, working and benefits. The point is to keep yourself in a good feeling place and not a negative, self-defeating place. It may not happen overnight, but maybe it will. The time it takes to change your health around from fighting a diagnosis to surviving is completely up to you. Our beliefs and thoughts manifest the feelings we have and by changing those we change our physical reality. I'm a huge believer in the Law of Attraction and the belief that what we think and feel we create. I have every intention of creating my health and not my disease. Call it God, call it Source, call it what ever you want. But what ever it is, I'm doing it - what about you?

Quick reference list of doctors you may want to consider seeing if you have or think you may have Fibromyalgia:

Primary Care Physician / Rheumatologist / Neurologist / Osteopath Doctor / Physical Therapist / Nutritionist / Acupuncturist / Massage Therapist / Chiropractor

If you are looking for a place to start finding the resources you'll need to reclaim control of your health, visit Fibro Survivors United.

I wish you all continued peace and health on your journey with Fibromyalgia.

Posted on Yahoo!: http://voices.yahoo.com/the-invisible-disease-best-tips-surviving-fibromyalgia-12288481.html?cat=5

Mothers with chronic pain: three things you should never do

 
Mother's with chronic pain often doubt their parenting skills because of their pain conditions. It keeps you from running and playing with your kids; you can't even begin to try and keep up with them. Many days are spent resting in bed or on the couch. Maybe ten minutes of activity here or there, but you feel inadequate as a mother. The truth is, you shouldn't. The mere fact that you ask yourself if you are a good mother makes you a good mother. You're willing to take an honest look at yourself. That's a leg up on all the women in this world who feel fine each and every day, but rather than feel gratitude for this gift with their children, take it for granted and lose precious time each and every day with their kids. Yes, you have to severely limit what you physically do, but physical activity is not what we cherish most about our parents as we get older. It is the words, the time, the love. Those things are not attached to physical movement, they come from deep within you. The part of you that can't be touched by pain. As a mother living and raising a family with a chronic pain condition, there are three major things that should never be done.
 Keep your kids at a distance. Even if all you can do is lie in bed and put on a movie, invite them in, curl up next to them and watch a movie. Kids have a tendency to blame themselves if parents are distant with them. Make sure you children know how much you want to be around them regardless of what you're doing. 

Let your health suffer. Your attitude towards your life and health are evident to your kids. The greatest gift you can give your children is to love and care for their mother. You are the only one they will ever have and they will learn how to care for themselves through you. 

Shut your kids out from your condition. Children have an amazing ability to understand what is going on around them and most importantly to those they love. Talk to your kids, let them know what your condition is and what your physical capabilities are. Be positive, concentrate on what you can do with them rather than what you can't.   You are amazing mothers, capable of amazing feats and strengths because of your condition. And you are raising amazing kids who will learn through you to be loving and empathetic to all human beings regardless of their physical abilities. This is a life lesson you are uniquely suited to teach.

 

Original article on Examiner.com: http://www.examiner.com/article/mothers-with-chronic-pain-three-things-you-should-never-do

Keeping the faith with chronic pain

When diagnosed with a chronic illness a piece of you begins to shrivel and die. How could this be, why is this happening to me? Our faith in ourselves and our gods are shaken to the core. We can find ourselves spirally into depression and anxiety. We can't breathe. Anger is an easy emotion to turn to. Why has the Goddess turned Her back on me? What have I done to deserve this kind of karmic backlash?

You struggle to find the right doctors and specialists, the right treatment program, educating yourself, friends and family; not to mention the fight for benefits and whether you'll be able to continue to work. This alone could drive the strongest and healthiest of individuals into depression and absolute frustration. You need to have an advocate to turn to, to put your faith in. That's when we turn to our alter, light a candle, and ask the impossible question; why me?

If living in my pagan path has taught me nothing else, it is that we are given these challenges because we are strong enough. And there is a valuable lesson to be gleaned from it all. I can say with absolute certainty, from my own personal experience, that we don't feel strong enough in the beginning. Anything but. It takes time. For many, we have to grieve and mourn the lose of our former selves. Ritual and meditation is a wonderful place to start.

Meditate on who you saw yourself before - then on who you are in the present moment. Mentally light the fire on the pyre of your dead self, send her/him to the Lady. Then right down everything that has and will be changing in your life. How it makes you feel. What you plan to do about them. What you'd like to do about them. Cry. Scream at this paper; this symbol of what was. Then burn it. Watch it as the paper curls and blackens, flaking off to be carried away on a breeze. Watch the smoke rise steadily upwards to the gods. They hear you. They see you. Now take three long, cleansing breaths and just let yourself feel your body for a moment. It's much more difficult than you first think it is.

Sit with your pain. Feel it. And slowly, with time you can begin to accept it. This ritual can be done multiple times and for multiple reasons. Keep doing it as often as you need, but make a point to practice your deep breathing and let your self sit and feel your pain on a regular basis. Light candles and incense, cast your circle, invite the quarters, God/Goddess, and any other positive energies you wish. This takes time and can be painful in the beginning. Let the God/Goddess be with you during this time. Feel their energy holding you up and supporting you during this process. You would not have been given this challenge if you were not strong enough for it.

Buddhists call it Radical Acceptance. Well, I'll tell you that the first time my therapist suggested this to me, I thought maybe she was the one who had lost her mind. Maybe we should switch places and have a little chat about this. But, the more she explained it, the more sense it finally started to make for me. This "sitting with your pain and accepting it", has nothing to do with giving up. You feel your pain, and you accept that in this moment in time, this is simply how it is. Nothing more, nothing less. You accept that your doctors have diagnosed you, you are working on a treatment plan which you will follow through implicitly, and that you will continue to look, to research, to speak to your doctors about your health on a more regular basis. As aptly put by Tara Brach in her article, The Power of Radical Acceptance: Healing Trauma though the Integration of Buddhist Meditation and Psychotherapy, "which means clearly recognizing what we are feeling in the present moment and regarding that experience with compassion. I see over and over that Radical Acceptance is the gateway to healing wounds and spiritual transformation. When we can meet our experience with Radical Acceptance, we discover the wholeness, wisdom and love that are our deepest nature."

My diagnosis was a blessing of sorts. I cannot say that I'm completely accepting of my current life, because I struggle with these concepts every day, but with this health challenge I have been able to spend more time on myself and my health. I'm there for my son in ways that I couldn't be while I was working full time. Don't get me wrong, I loved my career, but this has changed my priorities. Made me take a long, hard look at what I really want to do. Writing, art, photography; these are the things I've been wanting to do but have always pushed them aside because I never made time for them. Now may be the time to stop pushing them away and embrace them as I work towards my own radical acceptance. Discover my wholeness, regard myself with love and compassion. Allow myself the opportunity to fully embrace my gods and what they have to teach me. There is a lesson to be learned within chronic illness, and each of us have been given the opportunity to find it, embrace it, and find a deeper connection with our chosen gods. I wish all of  you the brightest of blessings in your journey with chronic illness.

Caleen Martin


Radical Acceptance Article Refrences
http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/trauma.html
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/real-healing/201101/radical-acceptance

Live in the now...plan for the...

I read an article today that really made me think about the differences I've gone through from an healthy person, to one with sickness (http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/). I took so much for granted before I was diagnosed with FM. We all do. Every task has so many steps that we don't even think about. We need to decide each day; will I clean or will I eat, if I have to drive my son to school, what do I have to give up? We do what is of upmost importance, and the rest just has to wait until another day. And the article is right, when we spend time with friend or family, you're given a gift because we chose you as one of our utmost important things that day. We gave you a piece of ourselves just to be around you. That means a lot for us.

Pre-FM I thought a lot about the future; my future career, car, home, family, relationships, etc., etc., etc. But now - I look around my home and all I see is so much unnecessary stuff. Just things that are absolutely meaningless. I want uncomplicated and simple; it makes my day's easier that way. And now, I think more of the now then I do the future. Don't get me wrong, I do make financial plans regarding the future because that's just smart planning, but my life is now in the present. I can't live in the "what will be". I can only live in the now, because I don't know what my tomorrow will be.

Will I be able to walk? Will I be able to see? Will my pain leave me bed ridden? Could I end up with additional medical conditions that will complicate everything I'm already going through? The answer to all of these questions is most likely yes. I don't know how much longer I'll have to be able to get up and take care of my son, I don't know if my eyes are going to continue to blur to the point that I can no longer see. I don't know if my pain levels will continue to increase as they have been over the past few weeks. None of these are good signs, so I need to be especially grateful for each and every little thing I have in the now. Not in the future...just right this second. Because I have no idea if this is the last second I may have.

I'm not trying to be pessimistic or scare my family and friends, I'm just being realistic. I have a condition that in most will continue to progress and gets worse over time. So in order to prepare for the future, I need to live, NOW.

It bothers me when old friends say they will keep in touch and don't. Say they will call and don't. I miss them, but I don't have the energy to go to them. I can't give my half to a relationship any more...and that really bothers me. I don't know what to do about it.

I'm not saying that planning for the future is pointless, because it really isn't. I guess what I'm saying is that the next time you think about all the great things you'll do/see/be in the future...step back and think about all the great things you do, you see, and you are, right now. Because in the end, that is what really counts.

Communication and Chronic Pain

 

 

At its most basic explanation, chronic pain comes from stress. Stress on our minds, psychological and stress on our bodies, neurological. Combined, we can have excruciating chronic pain throughout our bodies. Many individuals who suffer from chronic pain or other debilitating chronic illnesses are lucky to have family, friends or a partner who understands their medical condition and the physical aspects of the illness; but how many really understand the importance of the psychological aspect? For that matter, how many sufferers of these varied illnesses understand just how much psychological stress impacts their daily health? We've all probably been told that stress can affect our health when we think about stroke and heart attack. But have any of the many, many doctors out there treating chronic pain sufferers included "communication education" on the prescription pad or as part of their physical therapy must do's?

 

Does your family or partner, friends or co-workers make ignorant and many times cruel remarks out of frustration? Do you burst into tears or say cruel things right back at them? My pre-fibro career was in communications, I like to think I can be reasonable. Not so much. Especially with the ever present mood swings that like to sneak up on me like a nasty little ninja, pouncing when I least expect it. My husband studies psychology, he should know better...right? It's so much easier to dole out the advice than take it. And I mean for both of us. I can't blame all communication road blocks on others, no matter how wrong I think they're being. I need to also take responsibility for my own words and reactions.

 

I believe this is true for all of us who find ourselves in these situations. How many of us have had a particularly nasty, stressful argument and within a day have an intense flare up leaving you in agony? Probably too many of us. Communication will make or break each and every relationship we have throughout our lives. So why aren't we taking it more seriously? My doctors have never mentioned anything on communication skills. I see hundreds of comments from sufferers trying to figure out how to deal with family and partners who are emotionally indifferent or at times abusive towards them. Suggestions include having them read comments on the various online support groups, leaving fibro pamphlets laying around the house, have them talk to your doctor at your next appointment; nothing in there about taking a communications course.

 

We, the sufferers of chronic pain, should be first in line for this. Not because we must be recluses who have no idea how to talk to other human beings, but this is difficult. Trying to express our feelings and needs, educate those we care about on our illness, and how to stay calm when we realize our loved ones are talking out of frustration rather than any true desire to hurt us. This is hard work and we can use all the help we can get. That is exactly why these kinds of courses exist, to help us all do a better job of communicating so we can keep the relationships we want in one piece, and be confident in letting go of those we don't need in our lives. They're as much about self-esteem and self-confidence as they are communication, and sometimes having the information come from an unbiased third party makes it more acceptable. I know I'm going to be going back through the ones I've taken in the past; of course, I'm blaming my fibro induced memory loss for the fact that I haven't exactly been using these techniques with my husband. That's my story, and I'm sticking with it.

 

Can you imagine what it would be like to have open, clear and relaxed communication with your loved ones? To have a clear system for acknowledging each others needs. How many flare ups would never have happened if this was how it was from the start? How much easier would it be to handle the daily pain without having to worry about fighting and arguing with your partner or kids? Not that there will never be a disagreement, but there are healthy ways of working through them, and then there's the way we've been doing it. And in the illustrious words of Dr. Phil, "How's that workin for ya?" On the flip side, how much will it mean to your partner, kids, loved ones, friends, co-workers? It could literally be the difference of being a victim of chronic illness, or a survivor of chronic illness.

 

It doesn't have to cost a fortune, although the information is priceless. College's certainly offer shortened and full semester courses if you want to go that route, but your therapist might have a number of good options for you as well. I was introduced to these courses through my career. One to two day workshops in communications that can be used in any atmosphere and relationship. A number of them are even on DVD so you and your partner can listen to them together at home, stop them, talk about it, and keep working through it. The DVD's also make it easy to go back and relearn what our medical memory loss has whipped out of our foggy brains.

 

So, everyone close your eyes and picture yourself at home, your loved one(s) around you. But rather than the typical tension in the air, tears or angry looks see everyone with peaceful faces, calm voices, and peace. Take a few deep breaths while imagining this new home, see it as if it is already like that. Feel how you'll really feel. Now take one last deep breath, open your eyes, and take the first step to making that vision your reality. But until then, take a note from above: before you speak, is it true, is it kind, is it necessary. If you can't say yes to all three, don't say it.

 

Here are some ideas to get you started:

CareerTrack* (www.careertrack.com) - used for professionals, but the same techniques can be used in any relationship. They offer workshops all over the country and dvd's of the workshops. There are a ton to choose from on all kinds of topics that could apply to your situation. (The two I've done: Assertive Communication Skills / Self-Discipline & Emotional)

 

Fred Pryor* (www.pryor.com) - I highly recommend Pryor seminars, they have the best speakers.

 

*If you are looking to purchase the dvd's, try looking them up on amazon.com. You can find more affordable options.

 

The remaining list is just some I've found online. I don't endorse any of these because I've never used them personally.

http://www.realhope.com/free_tips.php

http://well.wvu.edu/articles/the_language_of_love__communication_skills_for_couples

http://www.jdmcounselor.com/communication_skills_for_couples.html

http://health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/advice/communication-skills-for-lifelong-relationships.htm

 

And if you think about it the next time you're at a doctors appointment, have a discussion with him/her on this topic. Educate them on its importance so they can educate their other patients. Happy communicating, take the first step, make it happen.



Feeling your purpose

It's hard to not have a rough morning when you suffer from chronic pain. Every second is a trial and testament to our courage and strength to continue. But I can see the lose in so many, hear it in their words, see it in their eyes. I see it in my own mirror. It's heart wrenching to think that my life comes down to this. I had a really great career that I loved. I'm really good at what I do and I was going places. My son and I were really starting to connect and have fun together. My side hobby was dancing. I performed professionally in a tribal bellydance troupe throughout the state. I loved it. I was active, strong, organized. I knew what I wanted and how I was going to reach my goals. But things changed. I gained weight uncontrollably that the doctors couldn't explain. Then chronic fatigue hit and I slowly had to let go of all my physical activities and officially leave my troupe. The migraines became worse. They had been there on and off since highschool. Then insomnia and finally, the pain started. Just in my back at first. So I decided to get regular massages. They didn't help, in fact, my pain kept increasing. My next step was a chiropractor. She put me on a regimen of chiropractic work, massage, acupuncture, physical therapy and using a tens unit. It sounded like a good plan to me, but the pain continued to increase until no one could even touch me. So I went to my doctor who immediately gave my narcotic pain killers. That didn't end well, and I found a new doctor.

Now, after trying every non-narcotic pain medication there is out there I'm on two different ones that help 'a little bit'. But my doctor is out of options. I've seen all the specialists, they all agree on the treatments I've received thus far. But now I'm back to square one. I'm going to look for a pain specialist and see if there are other options available. Do we simply have to deal with taking stronger medications that will cause addictions? I'm at a lose. I'd like to try acupuncture again. I'm also trying Ayurveda herbs (Ashwagandha in particular) and looking more into trying gluten free again. I'm really not sure I have a lot of options left to me, but I'll never stop looking.

My story seems to mimic so many. Gone through multiple doctors, been thoroughly used as a guinea pig for every medication known to man. And you're still waiting for that pill, that exercise, that stimulant that, may not totally take away the pain, but definitely decrease it to a more manageable level.

I see the lose, but I also see determination in the creased brows and firm lips, the pinched checks, and exclamations of hope. Every day we wake up, every day we take one more step closer to finding our answers to our conditions. This is a war we are all fighting, for many it is a very long war. But we must remember that a war cannot be won in a day. We must take on each battle as they come our way. Eventually, eventually there will be an end for each of us. Better medications, supplements, homeopathy, doctors, research, therapies...something. It could be different for each of us, but we'll all get there. We have to, because we're here for a reason, and that reason is NOT to live in constant pain and watch our lives fall apart around us. No god would ever condone such a life sentence. We are meant to find our answers to this so we can live productive lives. So we can feel our purpose.

I know all to well how impossible it seems to keep fighting when depression and anxiety reaches its gnarled hands up from the depths of the earth and grab ahold of you. It feels like the world is no longer a place you want to be. You question how you can keep doing this, day after day, with no relief. You question whether you are more of a burden to your family and if they would be better off without you. But I've found that these things aren't me, they're just the depression trying to use me as some kind of puppet to spew its filth and vile hatred. And yes, we have all succumbed to it at times. But eventually we have each crawled out of that hole and back into the light again. For our partners, for our children, for our family, for our jobs, for our friends. We fight our way back because they do need us.

This isn't an easy journey. But its a journey that has already proven how remarkably strong we all are, or we wouldn't be here right now. Our strength lies in our courage to wake up each day and keep going, to try again. And every day we get a little closer to the end. We may not see it until we're literally on top of it, but its coming. So the next time we wake up and know from the start that its going to be a rough morning/day, just take a minute to slow down, close your eyes and place your hand over your heart. Feel it. It keeps beating. That's your purpose. Feel it. Be it. Never give up hope. Brightest Blessings!

Mourning your lost life...becoming a survivor

When sat down by a doctor and explained that you have an incurable medical condition that could become completely debilitating to you, cause you daily pain, and change every aspect of your life. You die. Your physical life has died, your career has died, your ability to care for your family has died, your ability to enjoy the intimacy between yourself and your partner, has died. But your lungs still breath air, your heart still pumps, and you must create a completely new life in spite of your medical conditions. If you're lucky you have a good medical team to assist you with changes regarding your health and what you need to do to really take care of yourself, but many of us don't get that. And the fight begins, to find the right doctors, therapists, friends and family to make up our new support system.

This journey into this new, strange and painful life is fraught with challenges. Trying to get our friends and family to understand what we are going through; and trying to understand it ourselves. Trying to find doctors who will help us. Trying to work, take care of a home, be there for our family, still be a friend, hobbies, interests...and lets try to do all of this while your body is literally spiraling out of control. This journey isn't easy, depression and anxieties set in. We turn in on ourselves. We stop doing all the things we used to love. We turn away from those who care about us and need us. Our pain grows. Each day is filled with challenges that we can't understand, we are tired of facing, and we just want it to stop. We lose everything from our old lives. We need to mourn our old self. That person no longer exists, and that person isn't going to come back. That person died the moment the symptoms started to affect your daily life.

You need a way to mourn the lose of that person you used to be. Psychologists say there are steps in the grieving process. There are no rules to grief, no steps or stages except our personal journeys which are unique to only ourselves. It will take us as long as it takes us. But at some point we need to let go. We need to live in the present and leave the past where it is...in the past. Perform a memorial service for your old self, set up an alter, write a letter of everything you feel about your old self - and burn it. Give yourself permission to scream and cry; gut wrenching and messy. Do it, do something, just do it.

There has to be a life waiting for each of us after fibro. I honestly believe that the challenges and trials we face in our lives are for a reason. There is something that we must do. Research and find the perfect doctor, reach out to others, set up an organization that helps fundraise for research, work on education of the public or maybe just your friends or family. It doesn't necessarily have to reach a large nationwide audience, but there has to be something. We never know how we are going to really affect those that come into our lives through blood or choice.

We need to embrace our new normality. Stop being afraid to ask for help. And be grateful for each and every little thing we have in our lives because there is always someone out there who has it worse. We are blessed for all of the things we have in our lives; we need to concentrate on those. Meditate on them. Find what you need to help put your body in a state of peace: cold/hot packs, aromatherapy, water therapy, acupuncture, medications, music, yoga, meditation, deep breathing. The options are truly limitless, we just need to find what fits us. What works for us.

We cannot allow fibromyalgia to become our identity. We are so much more than that. Its just one piece of our puzzle. Yes, we suffer from fibro, but we are also parents, children, grandchildren, partners, lovers, friends, co-workers, educators...fibro is not the end all, be all of our existence. We cannot let fibromyalgia run us over and take our lives away from us, we are not the victim of fibro...we are the survivors of fibro. We need to remember this. Every day that we wake in the morning, put a note on your nightstand or on the bathroom mirror so you'll see it first thing in the morning. I am a survivor!

This journey into this new, strange and painful life is fraught with challenges. Trying to get our friends and family to understand what we are going through; and trying to understand it ourselves. Trying to find doctors who will help us. Trying to work, take care of a home, be there for our family, still be a friend, hobbies, interests...and lets try to do all of this while your body is literally spiraling out of control. This journey isn't easy, depression and anxieties set in. We turn in on ourselves. We stop doing all the things we used to love. We turn away from those who care about us and need us. Our pain grows. Each day is filled with challenges that we can't understand, we are tired of facing, and we just want it to stop. We lose everything from our old lives. We need to mourn our old self. That person no longer exists, and that person isn't going to come back. That person died the moment the symptoms started to affect your daily life.

You need a way to mourn the lose of that person you used to be. Psychologists say there are steps in the grieving process. There are no rules to grief, no steps or stages except our personal journeys which are unique to only ourselves. It will take us as long as it takes us. But at some point we need to let go. We need to live in the present and leave the past where it is...in the past. Perform a memorial service for your old self, set up an alter, write a letter of everything you feel about your old self - and burn it. Give yourself permission to scream and cry; gut wrenching and messy. Do it, do something, just do it.

There has to be a life waiting for each of us after fibro. I honestly believe that the challenges and trials we face in our lives are for a reason. There is something that we must do. Research and find the perfect doctor, reach out to others, set up an organization that helps fundraise for research, work on education of the public or maybe just your friends or family. It doesn't necessarily have to reach a large nationwide audience, but there has to be something. We never know how we are going to really affect those that come into our lives through blood or choice.

We need to embrace our new normality. Stop being afraid to ask for help. And be grateful for each and every little thing we have in our lives because there is always someone out there who has it worse. We are blessed for all of the things we have in our lives; we need to concentrate on those. Meditate on them. Find what you need to help put your body in a state of peace: cold/hot packs, aromatherapy, water therapy, acupuncture, medications, music, yoga, meditation, deep breathing. The options are truly limitless, we just need to find what fits us. What works for us.

We cannot allow fibromyalgia to become our identity. We are so much more than that. Its just one piece of our puzzle. Yes, we suffer from fibro, but we are also parents, children, grandchildren, partners, lovers, friends, co-workers, educators...fibro is not the end all, be all of our existence. We cannot let fibromyalgia run us over and take our lives away from us, we are not the victim of fibro...we are the survivors of fibro. We need to remember this. Every day that we wake in the morning, put a note on your nightstand or on the bathroom mirror so you'll see it first thing in the morning. I am a survivor!

My Writing Continues???

So I've been trying to come up with what I can do in order to prepare myself for possibly needed to go back to work at some point. I've discussed this with my husband, of course, and he likes the idea of expanding my writing and photography...doing freelance work while I continue to work on my novel. I can submit shorter pieces for publication and continue to grow my portfolio. And, most importantly, I don't have to be in an office. I can work from the comfort of home so I have my physical needs met. Having a chronic pain condition makes thinking of getting up each morning and trying to make it into an office by 8:00 am a complete and total nightmare of epic proportions. Just the stress alone of whether I could make it there...and stay there for the entire day. I don't think I'd be able to physically do that right now. My condition appears to be getting worse, not a good sign. And not exactly something that will get you a job, or let you keep one if by some miracle you are hired by someone.

My college education is in visual communications and graphic design, photography, and writing. I can take courses and research how to do freelance editing as well; I could make this work. But first, I need to start getting myself published again. My previous published articles were all in journalistic style. Very fact based, analytical. The kind of writing I'd like to do is quite different. I've been a practicing Wiccan since I was fifteen years old...so for twenty years. There's a Wiccan/Pagan magazine and ezine that takes submissions for publication. So I say...why not? I can write about my faith, what I do, challenges I have had, or what ever special topics they are looking for.

There should be other publications that take freelance contributions, I just need to find the ones I like and start submitting. The same with my photography. My husband reminded me about all the photo contests that happen all the time; just need to start submitting. I can even sell my photos on a website, blown up poster size. It may not bring in a lot of money, but it'll bring in something eventually and I'd be able to contribute again, find something I can actually do with my pain condition.

That's really one of the worst parts of all of this, besides the actual pain that is: the lose of everything you were able to do before. I had a career, a dance troupe, physical activities that I loved to do...that life has died. I'm still mourning that life, I just don't want to let go of it yet. I can't bring myself to say that I'm going to have this disease for the rest of my life and say goodbye forever to all that I was. I liked who I was, the dancing, the career, my yoga, pilates, zumba...I felt good. I looked good. I can't say goodbye to that, I want it back to much. I'm still fighting, which doctors say I need to stop doing. No fighting, but continue to educate myself on treatments and research, and accept that for this moment, I have pain. This is extremely difficult, especially when you try to say it, but your insides twist into a knot because deep down you don't feel the truth in that statement. I still feel that acceptance means giving up. Maybe my doctors need to come up with a new word that isn't so negative to me.

But, regardless of my issues with acceptance of my current condition, I'm going to try to write and submit for publication again. Wish me luck!

The fibro ailments catalog

I've been reading a site with others who suffer from fibro and other pain conditions. I agree with my husband that its important to communicate with others who know what I'm going through, but at the same time it can become overwhelming. All of the lists of fibro related ailments, new information being researched and posted to help answer questions for us. It can seem like an endless battle that will only become worse as time goes on. I don't have to just look forward to a life of chronic pain, but depression and anxiety, pain flares, fibro fog and memory loss (short term and long term), muscle spasms and twitching, continued insomnia, muscle weakness and inability to lift or use my limbs, eye sight issues, more migraines, the list just keeps going on and on. Is this really what I'm looking forward to as I get older? What am I going to do to my family? My husband and children will  have to watch all of this up close and personal. How can I say that's ok? They deserve someone who's healthy and strong, and I'm just not that. I can't even come to terms with my situation and diagnosis, how on earth can I expect my loved ones to do it? I love them all so very much, but I don't want them to watch me deteriorate. I don't feel like any of this is making me stronger...how can I do that? How can I make this an experience for my family that won't leave them angry and frustrated at me?

Does anyone have any ideas???

Day 2...the numbness continues

Day two, I don't feel anything. Not happy, not sad...just nothing. Late last night, I got angry. My husband posted a joking picture on FB and I exploded when I saw it. It wasn't meant as anything...I rationally know that, but I lost it and posted a not very nice response to this picture. In his words...I publicly castrated him. I deleted the comment I made very soon afterwards and apologized to him, but I just lost it. I've even had to go so far as deleting this image from my FB news feed so I won't even have to look at it. I think I prefer the current numbness to the raving lunatic I turned into last night. But now...we're back to numbness.

My husband is worried about me. I understand that. But this is how I'll get at times, dealing with the pain. Dealing with my daily stress. My mind just says, "that's enough, we're shutting down for the day", and this is what I end up with...numb. Well, until I get angry about something...then I really get angry. Then maybe I'll cry...then numb again. Maybe this will last for a day...a week...I don't know. The joys of depression from chronic pain. I wouldn't wish this life on my worst enemy.

I wish I could keep this part of me away from my loved ones, but I don't think that's possible. Eventually, as my husband is just now finding out, I will break and fall apart. He's desperately trying to help me, I know this. We will have a wonderful life together...but no matter how wonderful everything is around me...I'm still in pain. That will never stop, never give me a break. No matter what...it will always be my constant companion. Which makes me feel alone, because I can't fully explain this to anyone. They aren't in the constant pain I'm in...how on earth could I even expect them to understand. In my life, in my pain...I am completely and utterly alone, regardless of how many people are physically around me.

How do I explain this to someone I love with all my heart, but know they'll never really understand?

Emotionally Numb

If you ask me how I feel right now...the only answer I have is nothing. Emotionally, I feel absolutely nothing. So what does this mean? My mind/body has hit the massive brick wall of stress. I've shut down because I cannot deal with any more. Our mind is a funny thing I suppose; emotionally I'm numb, physically my body is on fire. Why can't my mind give my body a little of this numbness? I would like to be able to cry, but I can't. How the hell am I going to get my feelings back? Maybe I'll meditate on this little problem and some great and powerful wisdom will reach through the ether of time and space and give me an answer. And while they're at it...a cure for fibro. That would be nice to.

I wish I had a healthier reaction to my stress...but no...lets repress and block it all from the mind, and then stab a million red hot pokers all over the body. Yeah...now that sounds like a good time. You've gotta just love the irony there. But, at least I'm not having a nervous breakdown...yet. Gotta keep your eye on the positive, because my life is getting tossed around like one of my dogs toys when he really gets it into himself to utterly thrash it. And all I can think of...what's next?

When you know something is wrong

What do you do when you know something is wrong? Go to all the doctors and specialists, talk to someone, try medications. But what if everything just keeps getting worse? The medications don't work, the doctors can't come up with answers; or the answers they think may be it can't be fixed with a pill. What if the theory is everything is stemming from past traumas? PTSD from childhood abuse, a traumatic pregnancy and delivery, an abusive marriage - all of it comes roaring back in your face and says "Deal with me!" There's a point when all of this starts to affect you physically; chronic pain, migraines, depression, anxiety, weight gain, an inability to concentrate and function. You can't keep your mind on one task, can't remember the simplest things. Tasks that before you could finish in just a few minutes take days. You can't take care of your family, including yourself - and it just never stops.

What do you do? The ache in the middle of your chest never stops, your temper blows at the smallest thing. You procrastinate about everything. You feel like your body and soul are being torn in two. You can't work and have to go on disability. There are so many things you want to do but you just can't get anything done. You hurt so badly that you feel your body has betrayed you. What do you do? How do you even start to dig yourself out of the hole you've fallen in? You've tried everything and know you need to start from within - how do you start? What do you do?