The Art of Living with Gratitude, in Sickness and in Health - The Law of Attraction and How Even in Sickness Gratitude Can Be Present in Your Every Day Life

 
Published on Yahoo!Voices / February 4, 2014

Even in the best of times it can be difficult to live with an attitude of gratitude. We can take so many things in our lives for granted; being able to get up pain free every morning, contributing our knowledge at work, simply getting dressed and ready to leave the house. When a life altering condition appears on the scene gratitude is not the typical response. After being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition with no known cure , I was in panic mode. I had no idea what would lie ahead for me; could I keep working, rais e my son or even hav e a life of any kind? The condition worsened and I had to leave my full time work as a Senior Event and Communications Coordinator at Arizona State University after 11 years of service. I had to go on disability, get state assistance and learn how to speak up for myself with doctors and insurance companies. Not an easy task when you're spirally into a depression.

It wasn't an easy road but it is a manageable one if you can learn to concentrate on one small step at a time. First, get into the care of a physician and specialists who are well trained and knowledgeable about your condition. Don't ever let a medical professional try to demean you or make you think you're crazy for feeling the way you do. They aren't the doctor for you - keep searching. You need supportive advocate s for your health and they are out there in the form of physicians, family, support groups and friends. Talk to friends and family about what is going on with you physically and emotionally. If they can't understand or are unable to support you then you may need to explain to them that although you care for them very much, you will not be relying on them for support during this time in your life. And from that point on you can talk to them about anything, except your condition, which may mean you don't speak to them very frequently but this is about taking care of you not them.

Support groups are another wonderful place to look for like minded and understanding individuals who are going through the same or similar issues as yourself. Now, to clarify, by support group I am not referring to a group of individuals with the same conditions who sit around once a week and complain about each and every thing that has gone wrong with them or their lives. Yes, venting has its time and place but a support group should do just that SUPPORT. Offer books that are well written , tips for staying positive, references for doctors and other therapies that could help and a safe place to discuss your feelings and challenges with those who will support you and encourage you to keep going. Many support groups will also allow your family or friends to come with you so they can ask questions and gain some knowledge on what it means to have a pain condition.

Building your support system is the most important thing you can do. We all need to surround ourselves with loving and supportive individuals and keep any others at a distance . This is a time for guilt free selfishness. Our job is to practice extreme self-care ; how else can we ever be there for others if we are not able to take care of ourselves.

Once your support system is established and you have knowledgeable doctors working with you, the next step involves reinventing your daily life. What should your new daily routine involve? We need to figure out how our days will be, what kind of support will be needed with tasks we didn't need assistance with in the past. Our lives have changed so it's natural that our routines will change with it. Educating ourselves on our needs and physical limitations is important. Physical and emotional therapies should be included in our daily routines. For Fibromyalgia patients yoga and gardening are very good for both physical and emotional therapy. Meditation is also a valuable tool. It can be difficult for many people to meditate, especially when their lives have been turned upside down and depression is so close to us. But meditation comes in many forms. There is the typical form of sitting or lying down and quietly meditating but there are also guided meditations, moving meditations and deep relaxing meditations like Yoga Ni dra . So don't be discouraged if one form doesn't feel right to you. Just try another until you find the way that works best for you.

All of the steps listed above will help lead you to the next step; learning to live with gratitude in sickness. It can be extremely challenging to find anything to be grateful for when our health feels like it is no longer within our control to change and improve. All of the previous steps enable you to appreciate what you have in a positive light. I've listened to and watched others with similar pain conditions complain and live in constant depression over what they consider their 'lot in life'. They allow their conditions to fester and worsen over time. I know, I've been there myself. What I've learned through this journey , I do have control over my life and my body. My mind, my ability to recognize my emotions and reach for better feeling thoughts, is the strongest and most important ability I hold within myself. I have complete control, nothing can take that control away from me unless I let it.

One of the hardest challenges we all seem to face, whether we are in perfect health or not, is in taking responsibility for our emotions. It is so much easier to just put the blame on someone or something else. We give our power away to everyone who upsets us. It becomes even more challenging as our health declines. But what we should actively work on each day is realizing and accepting the fact that no matter what others are doing around us, we can live with joy, with appreciation and with gratitude in our lives. By turning away from what we do not want and spending our time with recognizing all the good that we have we actually begin increasing our ability to change our lives, to change our health.

This can seem like an impossible feat in the beginning. It involves being honest with yourself and others, setting up boundaries and sticking to them, actively practicing extreme self-care each and every day. All of this is possible, its that it can be uncomfortable at first because we are not accustomed to thinking of ourselves first. We aren't accustomed to being brutally honest with ourselves about what we really do want and need, and then expressing those needs. It can be frightening at first but I can guarantee that it gets easier, even enjoyable once you get the hang of it. And I can tell you all from personal experience that once you start putting out there what you want, once you take responsibility for your emotions, this is the place where miracles can and do happen.

This is why the first steps are so crucial to reaching this point. Gratitude does not come easily to those in pain - period. That's why we need our support system's in place, we need to have a list to go to for inspiration and support.
Some steps to get you started:

• Write out a gratitude list (and continue to add to it). Put it up somewhere that you can see it every day. Keep a copy with you at all times. If you start to feel negative, take it out, take a deep breath and read your list to remind you of what you do have that's good in your life.
  
• Make a list of any friends, family or support group members who you can call when you need to talk. Only list those who will be kind, supportive and encouraging.
  
• Keep the number of your doctor, therapist or counselor handy in case you need to make an appointment, and find out about emergency procedures their office may have if you need to speak to or see someone immediately.
  
• Declutter your home to declutter your mind. The more 'stuff' that is packed in around us physically the more anxious, depressed and stressed we feel. All of these emotions lead to increased pain. Start in one corner of a room if you need to, just do your best to simplify your life. We can breath easier when our homes, or place of solace and peace, is in order.
  
• Delegate . Find friends, family, support group members and/or other organizations that can assist you with small things like cleaning the house, walking the dog, helping you with shopping or budgeting. If you have children hopefully you have someone who can help with getting the kids to school and babysitting when you really need help. You need to lighten your load and stop expecting so much from yourself. If there is someone else on this planet who can do the job, see if you can delegate it.
  

It is so important to work towards releasing what you can, simplifying your home and life and establishing your support system in order to reach your goal of gratitude. It may feel like a million miles away but it doesn't need to. Our minds have far more ability to change our health around than any medication can. Physicians do studies constantly on the placebo affect with various medications and with a multitude of conditions and ailments . Study after studies shows that those with a positive attitude, a healthy support system and a strong belief in what ever unknown pill they are being given, are able to heal themselves. Pain conditions are one of the ailments that show significant findings in regards to lowering pain levels by having a more positive outlook and keeping to a healthy lifestyle.

I've heard the same complaints over and over again from fellow pain sufferers that this is all we have. Our lives will never get better. The doctors will never believe me or figure this out. I've been in the lonely place of feeling this worn out, this overwhelmed and this hopeless. I know first hand that we don't have a magic switch we can hit to feel better. Take baby steps, one day at a time and eventually you can and will get there. This I can promise.

Published on Yahoo!Voices / February 4, 2014

Only the Positive May Enter...All Else is Locked Out

For my followers on my Fibro Survivors United Facebook page, you all may have noticed that I do not post any of the hundreds of pictures and comments that reflect our pain, frustration, depression and fears. It is extremely difficult to do; allow only the positive to enter your life, to enter your mind. We are trained early on to always seek perfection, a better way. As we get older this turns into criticism of ourselves and others until all that is left is the negativity. War, hate, fear, self-loathing, lack of confidence and self-esteem.

Toss on top of this ever burdening load an invisible illness that causes chronic widespread pain throughout your entire body. Family and friends do not understand, doctors think you're faking, even conspiring to get ahold of the 'good' drugs for no other reason than to get high. You must fight to stay employed or fight for disability. We do deal with pain, anxiety, depression, insomnia, weight gain, migraines, loss, fear of the future. But what has concentrating on, talking about, and worrying about the negative aspects of my life ever gotten me but more of it?

It is a tough decision to decide that I will no longer allow all of the negative to walk through my door. I want to scream and yell at times to make others really see and hear my pain, but what would that accomplish? Their pity? If I cannot have an adult discussion on my diagnosis with them, and have them understand - is it worth it to keep fighting to try and force them to see me? The answer I finally came to - NO.

I have been reading and studying on the principles of the Law of Attraction. I have experimented with it. On small things that I would like...to test it. Everything I have put out into the Universe has come to me...as long as I only see the positive, and let it go. The principles are a bit trickier than that...but that is the jest of it. So there is something to all of it. It does work. Others say they have healed themselves through this process - doctors have called it a medical miracle. So what will it hurt to try?

My decision has led me to make some changes. I do not pay much attention to the news. Pain and hate is what sells and it is what the media likes to cram down all of our throats. So I say - no more. I no longer write about (complain about) my pain, frustrations, anger, etc. in my blogs or on my Facebook page, to my friends or my family. I no longer comment on or share any images or words that concentrate on the negative aspects of chronic pain. I only look for the positive information to share with myself and my readers.

This doesn't mean that all the ickyness of Fibro has vanished from my life in a magical poof of smoke and fairy dust (that would be very cool though), but I'm making progress. I try very hard (and I mean VERY hard) to stay on course. I meditate, do deep breathing, take long hot showers and Epson salt baths. I do yoga and get outside each day. I read fun books. I watch shows I like and keep my spirits up. And I write. I do not (try not) to discuss all the bad and icky of what I go through each and every day because the more concentration and time I put into the negative - according to the LOA - the more of it I will attract into my life.

I take my meds and see my doctors - I do not listen to them when they say I must accept my pain and that it will be with me for the rest of my life. What do they really know? Not much in the area of fibro...we've all found that out. So why listen to that? I choose not to. I research various methods, tips and tricks for helping and give them all a try. Some help, some don't. I'm trying to go with what works and just let all the rest go. It doesn't deserve my time and attention.

The negative people who have tried to stay in my life...no more. I am selfish because I love myself and I know better than any one else on this planet that I deserve happiness and joy. I deserve to feel good. I deserve a good nights sleep. I deserve anything and everything that I want for myself - and absolutely no one, no matter your level of education and how many initials you can place after your name, is going to be able to convince me of anything else!

So, I pass on all the images and sayings that increase my thoughts of pain and anything else negative in favor of the positive. Some days are easier than others, but I'm going to keep trying. I'm not going to beat myself up for forgetting this or that, or misplacing something or not meeting everyone else's expectations. I'm not going to let others have the control over me that they have had in the past - they cannot make me feel inferior or insignificant because of their own ignorance. I know exactly what I deal with each day and I don't need to discuss it at length with anyone except to update my doctor and keep my husband and kids updated on what my day is going to be (ie: I can do more today than yesterday...I need to take it easy today). I let my family and doctor know what I need without the complaining, crying, yelling and anger (ok, ok...I try VERY hard to do this).

Some might think this idea is stupid, ineffective or as one reader put it - to placate, but it gave her a really good laugh. We all have the right to our opinions but I've seen the difference a positive attitude and positive atmosphere have on a not very positive situation. There is just too much evidence that says there is something behind these principles to brush it aside. I do feel better on the days I'm able to stay more positive, and worse on my negative depressing days.

So this is what I'm doing, and this is why you won't find any negative imagery on my sites. I'll keep everyone posted on my progress.

♥ Gentle Hugs ♥

Best Ways of Dealing with a Sleep Disorder: Learning How to Cope

Published on Yahoo!Voices / August 7, 2013

If you can't seem to get to sleep at night, thoughts won't stop racing through your head or you can't stay asleep if you do finally fall asleep; you are probably dealing with a sleep disorder. This goes beyond the occasional inability to get a good nights sleep. This can go on for days, weeks, months, even years. I should know, I've been dealing with a sleep disorder for the past 3 years. But there is hope, and there are ways of helping yourself get back to your normal sleep routine. Here are some of the best ways I've found for dealing with a sleep disorder.
See your doctor. If it's been a couple of weeks and your sleeplessness is not letting up, go see your doctor. It many cases a sleep disorder is an underlying symptom of another more serious condition. For me, it turned into a chronic pain condition which took nearly 4 years to accurately diagnose. There may be medications that can help immediately (prescription and over-the-counter). Have an open and honest conversation about what is going on in your life so your doctor can get you on the right path.

Consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT is not your typical therapy. If there are other stressors or health issues going on, a therapist trained in CBT can help walk you through the steps you can actively take to learn to deal with what is going on. Help you learn to deal with your stress in a more positive way, and accept your own limitations without feeling like you're failing in some part of your life.

Be an active participant in your own healthcare. This is a big one. You can't just stand on the sidelines and let a doctor do everything for you. You MUST take an active role here. There are things you can do every day to help yourself in learning to deal with your sleep disorder:

1. Eat a healthy diet and get plenty of exercise. Discuss with your doctor or a nutritionist on the best plan for you.
2. Stick to the same schedule every day. Get up at the same time (even on weekends) and go to bed at the same time. The worst thing we can do for ourselves when dealing with a sleep disorder is constantly changing our internal clocks.
3. Have an evening bed time routine. Have a cool down period before bed, drink a cup of warm chamomile tea, take a leisurely walk, meditate. Just something that is going to allow you to let go of your day and calm your mind and body.

If you follow these steps you will most likely see a significant change in your sleep disorder. Even if this is a symptom of a larger issue, as is my situation, you will be taking steps to actively improve your overall health both physically and mentally. It may be a long-term plan, but every little step you take will help get you onto the path of health.

Published on Yahoo!Voices / August 7, 2013 

The Invisible Disease: Best Tips for Surviving Fibromyalgia

Posted on Yahoo!Voices.com

Having a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia can feel like a death sentence. Your doctor informs you that you have an invisible disease which causes debilitating pain throughout your body. You may lose your job, have to fight for benefits. You have to deal with doctors who think you're lying about your condition and symptoms and become a guinea pig in order to find the most effective medications and therapies. You'll deal with depression, insomnia, anxiety, extreme fatigue and pain. Then, as if that wasn't enough, you have to deal with the loss of family and friends who can't understand. Friends drift away, family stops calling. You feel empty and utterly alone. How can you be expected to deal with all of this?

That is how I've felt while dealing with my diagnosis. It's been six years of struggle. Doctors and specialists, tests and medications; being told that nothing is wrong with me and knowing that something definitely is wrong. You have doctors and therapists telling you that you need to accept the fact that you will experience pain for the rest of your life. What? Accept the pain. Why yes, I'm so excited to have to feel like I'm burning from the inside out. To feel spasms and shooting pain run through various parts of my body; I'm on board. Let's just accept it and curl up in a hole right now. I've been told by one pain specialist that, "well at least Fibromyalgia isn't life threatening". Really? What could be a worse threat to my life? Pain, depression, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, migraines, weight gain; not being able to work, play with my son, take care of my home.

But what if there were a way of reaching acceptance? Not necessarily as the doctors have tried unsuccessfully to explain it, but a way of accepting a new life. A way of surviving the diagnosis rather than being a victim of the condition. That could change everything. It starts with how we see ourselves, what we tell ourselves each day.

Attitude is everything. One of the most important things I've learned during this journey is that if I feel like a sick person, I'll have horribly painful days. If I feel like a healthy, energetic person, I have better days . Dealing with a chronic illness can be devastating or it can teach us how to better care for ourselves. Sickness of any kind is our bodies inner alert system telling us that we need to pay attention and care for ourselves. This is the time to be selfish without guilt. This is the time to be vigilant; an active participant in our health. Keep researching, find support groups, interview as many doctors as it takes to find the one who will work with you on the best treatment plan. Look at alternative and non-traditional therapies like massage, acupuncture and osteopathic manipulative treatment.

Stress reduction is a must. Dealing with doctors and medications, trying to work (or coming to the conclusion that you can no longer work), trying to explain your condition to family and friends, fighting for benefits so you can take care of yourself physically and financially and just trying to get out of bed each day to continue the struggle can and often does overwhelm us into a deep depression and anxiety . There are things we can do to help reduce our stress levels:

• Find a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). A CBT therapist helps us find the best approaches to dealing with our current situations. It goes farther than just talk therapy. You may be given writing assignments or asked to do certain meditations or physical therapies as part of your treatment.
  
  
• Find what makes you happy. Get a collection of books or magazines that you really enjoy, gather together as many happy, funny, feel good movies you can and have them ready for the times when you need them. Start collecting pictures of things or places that make you feel good and put them into an album or vision board. Play your favorite music. Light candles, soak in the tub, breath deeply. Start a gratitude list. There are so many things to be grateful for even when we are in a challenging time of our lives. Concentrate on those each day. And most importantly - stay away from what makes you angry or upset. If hearing the news upsets you, stop watching it. If your home is cluttered and a mess because you've been unable to clean, see if a friend or family member can help you or call a maid service to come in once a month. Get rid of the clutter and unnecessary in your life.
  
  
• Reevaluate your relationships. This is a toughie, but vital to your health. Do you have friends or family that no matter how hard you try to explain what is going on with you, they just cannot understand or be sympathetic? Maybe you need to let go of those individuals or at the very least put boundaries and limitations on the relationship. If you're having a good day, fine but if you're having a bad day you need to keep them away from you. Let them know that today is a 'me' day and you'll get back to them when you can (then, and this is the most important part, hang up the phone ). If it's a spouse or child, take them to your doctors appointments, have them sit in on a therapy session, reach out to your support groups for help in educating them. You need them on your side and they need to know that you are not just being lazy. This is real, this is painful and this is a struggle for you each and every day even if they can't see it.
  
  
• Meditate every day. Meditate, pray, get lost in a beautiful piece of music or art. Do what ever it takes to quiet you mind and find peace within yourself. Our minds are amazing things and they can change our very existence . We've all heard of the placebo effect. We're given a pill and told that it will make 'this' happen. When it happens we go back to the doctor and tell them how great this pill is and they tell us, that's great but we only gave you a sugar pill. The pill did nothing to help our bodies, our minds did. Being able to tap into that power that we all hold within ourselves is what will change our health around.
  

Stop concentrating on the pain and start concentrating on our health. We must be able to surrender our old limiting and negative beliefs. Find one part of your body that doesn't hurt that day and meditate on that. Image yourself being and doing the things you want right now. See it and eventually you'll start to feel it and feeling it before it has happened physically is the key to manifesting miracles in our lives.

The steps listed above will give you the ability to handle the stress of doctors and medications, working and benefits. The point is to keep yourself in a good feeling place and not a negative, self-defeating place. It may not happen overnight, but maybe it will. The time it takes to change your health around from fighting a diagnosis to surviving is completely up to you. Our beliefs and thoughts manifest the feelings we have and by changing those we change our physical reality. I'm a huge believer in the Law of Attraction and the belief that what we think and feel we create. I have every intention of creating my health and not my disease. Call it God, call it Source, call it what ever you want. But what ever it is, I'm doing it - what about you?

Quick reference list of doctors you may want to consider seeing if you have or think you may have Fibromyalgia:

Primary Care Physician / Rheumatologist / Neurologist / Osteopath Doctor / Physical Therapist / Nutritionist / Acupuncturist / Massage Therapist / Chiropractor

If you are looking for a place to start finding the resources you'll need to reclaim control of your health, visit Fibro Survivors United.

I wish you all continued peace and health on your journey with Fibromyalgia.

Posted on Yahoo!: http://voices.yahoo.com/the-invisible-disease-best-tips-surviving-fibromyalgia-12288481.html?cat=5

Life Lessons that Speak the Truth Through the Ages

There have been teachers and visionaries from the past whose words continue to hold meaning regardless of when they where originally spoken. It can become increasingly difficult in a world when we are expected to do more in less time to keep these basic life lessons in the forefront of our daily lives. We can fall into the trap of feeling like we have no control of our lives. That others have the power to dictate our present and future. We rush around trying to do as much as possible, blaming others for the negativity we allow them to force upon us. We make excuses for why we don't take care of ourselves and why we can't do anything to turn our lives around. When our life isn't working we continue to do the same things over and over again but wonder why our circumstances don't change. It's time to stop this cycle and really listen to what these teachers have to offer.  

Gandhi was born in 1869 and led India into independence. He inspired national movements of freedom across the world. His techniques were non-violent civil disobedience. Gandhi was one of the great teachers in this world, practicing what he preached in his daily life. When asked to give a message to the people his response would be, "My life is my message".  

Within the evolution of our society, we have lost these principles. It's time to reclaim our lives and regain our balance. These ten words of wisdom are as true today as they where in Gandhi's time: 

Be the change. There are many changes that we may want in our lives, but how often do we recognize that we are the ones that must first change in order for change to happen? We must do away with the thoughts that say the outside world must change before we can. We must be ambassadors to our own change; and as you shall will it, so shall it become. Calm your minds, figure out exactly what changes you want, then begin changing yourself so that you become the change you want. This could happen in small baby steps or large strides, but the how's do not matter. Just do it. See it in your minds eye and become it. Visualize your change and feel it. One day you will wake up and realize your change has already happened. 

What you think you become. This is powerful. It goes back to the Law of Attraction. If you constantly think you're broke, you probably are. If you always believe that others are out to get you at work and sabotage your efforts, that is all you will see. Now this isn't to say that I can simply concentrate on having a million dollars in my bank account and then it will mysteriously appear without any effort on my part beyond visualization. No no. You need to go back to the first word of wisdom "Be the change". If you do not put any effort into what you wish to become, sitting around and waiting for the knock on the door will never happen. Our minds do not know reality from imaginary. So if you are constantly depressed and think you will accomplish nothing in life, you most likely won't. But if you have a positive outlook, think and feel that you can accomplish what you want, and actively be the change you want; nothing can stop you. The right people will appear in your life with the kinds of opportunities you need to further your goals. Attitude is everything. 

Where there is love there is life. Love truly is the key to everything. We need to come to a realization that it does not matter our sex, orientation, color, nationality or religious/spiritual beliefs. We are all connected by nature and nature is the purest form of love. We are all living beings with hearts and souls. We feel pain and heart ache, we feel love and sadness, we feel sorrow and empathy. We are one. Our differences are what make up the beauty of this world we live on. I wouldn't want a world where everyone was the same, that would be far too boring. Our world is like a beautiful quilt with billions of different patches and patterns, colors and designs; all sown together into this patchwork layer that blankets the earth. What more love and beauty could you hope for? So the next time someone lashes out, share some of your love with them because they are the ones that need it the most. Be the change you wish to see in others, and they will eventually follow. They won't be able to help themselves. 

Learn as if you'll live forever. We as human beings are in a constant state of learning, but many of us believe that once the degree is awarded that learning ceases and you know all there is to know. This is a fallacy that will come back to bite you. There is always something new to learn, in and out of the classroom. We are all in a constant state of growth and evolution, even though our bodies age and we eventually pass on to what ever comes next, that is no excuse to cut yourself off from the beauty of knowledge. Many cultures believe in an afterlife or rebirth; wouldn't you need as much knowledge as possible when you pass on to your next existence?  

Your health is your real wealth. Not how many hours you put into your work week, or how much money you have accumulated. Not how large a home you live in or how flashy a car you drive, none of these things show true wealth. Our emotional, physical and spiritual health are our real wealth indicators. You can have all the objects in the world, but be miserable. You can live in an impoverished community and be amazingly happy and content. It has everything to do with how you take care of yourself. If your emotional, physical and spiritual needs are met you can see everything else for what it is, just things. They may hold memories, but memories are ours forever even when the things no longer exist. Take care of yourself and all else will naturally fall into place. 

Have a sense of humor. Life is about joy and love. Mistakes can and will happen along the way. Hurts will come your way; they are all a part of the life experience in our journey through our evolution. We can learn far more from our mistakes and hurts than by our successes. Our mistakes and hurts will lead us to our success if we look and see them as stepping stones along the way. We never fail, we simply learn lessons so we can do things differently the next time. But in all of this, we must have a sense of humor about it. This will keep us from delving too deeply into the mistake or hurt, only causing more mistakes and hurts to come our way. We see them, learn from them, laugh at them, and move on to the next. 

Your life is your message. It's all fine to sit up on a high horse and preach these ideals, but to teach them and live them simultaneously is to be a true teacher of wisdom. To see life through those eyes is something I strive for each and every day. To see love in everything and everyone, to keep these ideals in my life each day, that to me would be true peace. There have been and continue to be too many men and women who preach and scream the words of God or some other prophet, or savior, or gods/goddesses but loose sight of everything in their own daily lives. They become contradictory to all they say they believe in. This is no life to live. Only once you can begin to live your message can you find the inner peace we as humans strive for so much. 

Action expresses priorities. You may say your child comes first, but work late and are never home for dinner all in the name of the almighty dollar. So your child suffers because they need to see you more often. You can't let go of the past hurts and work our your differences with your ex, so your ex is never allowed visitation because you feel it is in the best interest of your child. But your child suffers because they are unable to see both of their loving parents. Your actions express your priorities. In the first, money is more important than quality time. In the second, hurting your ex is more important than the emotional and psychological needs of the child. These people may make excuses to make themselves feel better about what they are doing, but their priorities are warped and unhealthy. In both cases the priority of both parents is probably to do what is right for their child, but their actions contradict everything they are telling themselves. And in both cases and innocent child suffers for it. Really think about your priorities from all points of view. Ask questions, get some advice, and really make the effort to put aside your personal hurts or mistakes and insure your actions are true to your priorities. Don't judge yourself, just learn from it and move forward in your journey. 

Our greatness is in being able to remake ourselves. It is never too late to change our thought process, our diet, our emotional, physical or spiritual health. The point is to learn from our mistakes and hurts. Stop blaming others for all that has been done or said. Take your power back, you are the only one who should be in control of your power. We must see these mistakes and hurts as lessons and challenges on our evolutionary journey. People and circumstances come into our lives to help us learn. Some people are meant to stay longer than others. So the next time you experience anything that isn't comfortable, that makes you upset, sad or angry, try to see what lesson you need to learn from this. How can you be the change so this won't happen again. Make the change, step by step, and remake yourself into the greatness you are meant to be. 

Find yourself in the service of others. You get what you give in this world, this is the natural law. We are meant to experience love and joy in our lives. We can have both by offering of ourselves to others. I'm not saying we all need to dig into our pockets and try to donate to every cause that comes to our door, but what else can you offer? Your time? Your lightly used goods that you'll never wear or use again? Can you carry a case of bottled water in your car and hand these out to the homeless you see asking for handouts along the roadside? Pay it forward. Make an extra sandwich and give it to a homeless person who you see all the time. Help when and where you can. This is the actions of a wise and great person. 

These words of wisdom, these ideals can be difficult to hold close to you when life's frustrations come knocking at your door. Work, kids, carpool, soccer practice, what to make for dinner tonight, someone cutting you off in traffic - the list can go on and on. Striving for these wisdoms doesn't mean that you get to a place where you never experience any of these frustrations and anger, but that you take a much different path in dealing with them. Take enough time to think before you react to situations. Make sure that the things you do in all aspects of your life are holding true to your ideals. If they're not, there's no need to beat yourself up. Just take a deep breath, rethink it, see how you can be the change for the future and move forward. Even the greatest and wisest of teachers had to learn these steps, even they messed up. It gets better over time. You just need to trust in yourself that no matter what obstacles stand in your way you will make it. Love yourself and everything else will fall into place. 

Published on Yahoo!Voices: http://voices.yahoo.com/life-lessons-speak-truth-through-ages-12227430.html

The Wisdom of Forgiveness and Your Health

Have you ever allowed another person's actions to dictate your emotions? Are you angry and bitter every time you think of someone who has wronged you? If so, you're human but also probably living a more stressful and unhealthy life than you need to be. The problem with allowing others to control our emotions is that we cannot control what others do. If someone doesn't live up to our standards and expectations we allow them to destroy our happiness. We think that they have to do something in order to allow us to move forward. This leads to resentment, bitterness and physical and mental health issues. Who wants to live this way? I know I didn't, but realized that that was exactly what I was doing in my first marriage.

It certainly did not happen over night, but it happened. One day I woke up and realized I had given all of my power away. My life was no longer my own. Well, that had to stop. It took time and help from a counselor to rebuild my confidence in myself and take control of my life and my emotions. My marriage didn't survive, but although I contributed my share of mistakes that eventually ended our marriage, so did my ex-husband. And I've come to realize that holding onto all of the lies and betrayals, the unanswered questions and hurts is a waste of time. It does nothing to change the past and only keeps me in that unhealthy place. I would still be allowing him to control my happiness.

I know I'll never get the answers I would like about how our marriage turned out the way it did, and that's okay. I don't require these answers to move forward, to live my life, to raise my son, to find love again, to be happy. I can move on in spite of my past. If you're in a similar place in your life here are a few things that can help you find a healthier path:

1) Talk to someone.
It's hard to let go of past hurts. It doesn't make you a weak person if you ask for help. Friends and family can often times only fuel your anger, having a third party who can give you realistic goals and objectives to help you through the situation can be invaluable.

2) Write it out .
Write it all down, uncensored and raw. Don't hold back. Say everything you wish you could say, ask all the questions, tell them off; what ever you feel like writing. And when you're done, burn it and let it go. Don't let someone else have your power, they're never worth it.

3) Forgive.
Not for them, but for yourself. Forgiveness doesn't mean that what the person did was okay, it means that you have it within yourself to move on and have a happy, healthy life.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool, but it does take time to get to that place. However, the more you practice forgiveness in your life the easier it becomes. I think we have been taught by society that forgiveness means it's alright. That who ever has hurt us can just get away with what they have done . The reality of the situation is that no one gets away with the wrongs and hurts they have perpetuated onto others. There are lessons to be learned and if the other person continues in their negative behavior they will only attract this negativity back into their lives. So find peace in letting go of the hurt and forgiving in order to continue on your own path.

Published by Yahoo!Voices: http://voices.yahoo.com/the-wisdom-forgiveness-health-12220600.html

Mothers with chronic pain: three things you should never do

 
Mother's with chronic pain often doubt their parenting skills because of their pain conditions. It keeps you from running and playing with your kids; you can't even begin to try and keep up with them. Many days are spent resting in bed or on the couch. Maybe ten minutes of activity here or there, but you feel inadequate as a mother. The truth is, you shouldn't. The mere fact that you ask yourself if you are a good mother makes you a good mother. You're willing to take an honest look at yourself. That's a leg up on all the women in this world who feel fine each and every day, but rather than feel gratitude for this gift with their children, take it for granted and lose precious time each and every day with their kids. Yes, you have to severely limit what you physically do, but physical activity is not what we cherish most about our parents as we get older. It is the words, the time, the love. Those things are not attached to physical movement, they come from deep within you. The part of you that can't be touched by pain. As a mother living and raising a family with a chronic pain condition, there are three major things that should never be done.
 Keep your kids at a distance. Even if all you can do is lie in bed and put on a movie, invite them in, curl up next to them and watch a movie. Kids have a tendency to blame themselves if parents are distant with them. Make sure you children know how much you want to be around them regardless of what you're doing. 

Let your health suffer. Your attitude towards your life and health are evident to your kids. The greatest gift you can give your children is to love and care for their mother. You are the only one they will ever have and they will learn how to care for themselves through you. 

Shut your kids out from your condition. Children have an amazing ability to understand what is going on around them and most importantly to those they love. Talk to your kids, let them know what your condition is and what your physical capabilities are. Be positive, concentrate on what you can do with them rather than what you can't.   You are amazing mothers, capable of amazing feats and strengths because of your condition. And you are raising amazing kids who will learn through you to be loving and empathetic to all human beings regardless of their physical abilities. This is a life lesson you are uniquely suited to teach.

 

Original article on Examiner.com: http://www.examiner.com/article/mothers-with-chronic-pain-three-things-you-should-never-do

Keeping the faith with chronic pain

When diagnosed with a chronic illness a piece of you begins to shrivel and die. How could this be, why is this happening to me? Our faith in ourselves and our gods are shaken to the core. We can find ourselves spirally into depression and anxiety. We can't breathe. Anger is an easy emotion to turn to. Why has the Goddess turned Her back on me? What have I done to deserve this kind of karmic backlash?

You struggle to find the right doctors and specialists, the right treatment program, educating yourself, friends and family; not to mention the fight for benefits and whether you'll be able to continue to work. This alone could drive the strongest and healthiest of individuals into depression and absolute frustration. You need to have an advocate to turn to, to put your faith in. That's when we turn to our alter, light a candle, and ask the impossible question; why me?

If living in my pagan path has taught me nothing else, it is that we are given these challenges because we are strong enough. And there is a valuable lesson to be gleaned from it all. I can say with absolute certainty, from my own personal experience, that we don't feel strong enough in the beginning. Anything but. It takes time. For many, we have to grieve and mourn the lose of our former selves. Ritual and meditation is a wonderful place to start.

Meditate on who you saw yourself before - then on who you are in the present moment. Mentally light the fire on the pyre of your dead self, send her/him to the Lady. Then right down everything that has and will be changing in your life. How it makes you feel. What you plan to do about them. What you'd like to do about them. Cry. Scream at this paper; this symbol of what was. Then burn it. Watch it as the paper curls and blackens, flaking off to be carried away on a breeze. Watch the smoke rise steadily upwards to the gods. They hear you. They see you. Now take three long, cleansing breaths and just let yourself feel your body for a moment. It's much more difficult than you first think it is.

Sit with your pain. Feel it. And slowly, with time you can begin to accept it. This ritual can be done multiple times and for multiple reasons. Keep doing it as often as you need, but make a point to practice your deep breathing and let your self sit and feel your pain on a regular basis. Light candles and incense, cast your circle, invite the quarters, God/Goddess, and any other positive energies you wish. This takes time and can be painful in the beginning. Let the God/Goddess be with you during this time. Feel their energy holding you up and supporting you during this process. You would not have been given this challenge if you were not strong enough for it.

Buddhists call it Radical Acceptance. Well, I'll tell you that the first time my therapist suggested this to me, I thought maybe she was the one who had lost her mind. Maybe we should switch places and have a little chat about this. But, the more she explained it, the more sense it finally started to make for me. This "sitting with your pain and accepting it", has nothing to do with giving up. You feel your pain, and you accept that in this moment in time, this is simply how it is. Nothing more, nothing less. You accept that your doctors have diagnosed you, you are working on a treatment plan which you will follow through implicitly, and that you will continue to look, to research, to speak to your doctors about your health on a more regular basis. As aptly put by Tara Brach in her article, The Power of Radical Acceptance: Healing Trauma though the Integration of Buddhist Meditation and Psychotherapy, "which means clearly recognizing what we are feeling in the present moment and regarding that experience with compassion. I see over and over that Radical Acceptance is the gateway to healing wounds and spiritual transformation. When we can meet our experience with Radical Acceptance, we discover the wholeness, wisdom and love that are our deepest nature."

My diagnosis was a blessing of sorts. I cannot say that I'm completely accepting of my current life, because I struggle with these concepts every day, but with this health challenge I have been able to spend more time on myself and my health. I'm there for my son in ways that I couldn't be while I was working full time. Don't get me wrong, I loved my career, but this has changed my priorities. Made me take a long, hard look at what I really want to do. Writing, art, photography; these are the things I've been wanting to do but have always pushed them aside because I never made time for them. Now may be the time to stop pushing them away and embrace them as I work towards my own radical acceptance. Discover my wholeness, regard myself with love and compassion. Allow myself the opportunity to fully embrace my gods and what they have to teach me. There is a lesson to be learned within chronic illness, and each of us have been given the opportunity to find it, embrace it, and find a deeper connection with our chosen gods. I wish all of  you the brightest of blessings in your journey with chronic illness.

Caleen Martin


Radical Acceptance Article Refrences
http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/trauma.html
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/real-healing/201101/radical-acceptance

Live in the now...plan for the...

I read an article today that really made me think about the differences I've gone through from an healthy person, to one with sickness (http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/). I took so much for granted before I was diagnosed with FM. We all do. Every task has so many steps that we don't even think about. We need to decide each day; will I clean or will I eat, if I have to drive my son to school, what do I have to give up? We do what is of upmost importance, and the rest just has to wait until another day. And the article is right, when we spend time with friend or family, you're given a gift because we chose you as one of our utmost important things that day. We gave you a piece of ourselves just to be around you. That means a lot for us.

Pre-FM I thought a lot about the future; my future career, car, home, family, relationships, etc., etc., etc. But now - I look around my home and all I see is so much unnecessary stuff. Just things that are absolutely meaningless. I want uncomplicated and simple; it makes my day's easier that way. And now, I think more of the now then I do the future. Don't get me wrong, I do make financial plans regarding the future because that's just smart planning, but my life is now in the present. I can't live in the "what will be". I can only live in the now, because I don't know what my tomorrow will be.

Will I be able to walk? Will I be able to see? Will my pain leave me bed ridden? Could I end up with additional medical conditions that will complicate everything I'm already going through? The answer to all of these questions is most likely yes. I don't know how much longer I'll have to be able to get up and take care of my son, I don't know if my eyes are going to continue to blur to the point that I can no longer see. I don't know if my pain levels will continue to increase as they have been over the past few weeks. None of these are good signs, so I need to be especially grateful for each and every little thing I have in the now. Not in the future...just right this second. Because I have no idea if this is the last second I may have.

I'm not trying to be pessimistic or scare my family and friends, I'm just being realistic. I have a condition that in most will continue to progress and gets worse over time. So in order to prepare for the future, I need to live, NOW.

It bothers me when old friends say they will keep in touch and don't. Say they will call and don't. I miss them, but I don't have the energy to go to them. I can't give my half to a relationship any more...and that really bothers me. I don't know what to do about it.

I'm not saying that planning for the future is pointless, because it really isn't. I guess what I'm saying is that the next time you think about all the great things you'll do/see/be in the future...step back and think about all the great things you do, you see, and you are, right now. Because in the end, that is what really counts.