The Wisdom of Forgiveness and Your Health

Have you ever allowed another person's actions to dictate your emotions? Are you angry and bitter every time you think of someone who has wronged you? If so, you're human but also probably living a more stressful and unhealthy life than you need to be. The problem with allowing others to control our emotions is that we cannot control what others do. If someone doesn't live up to our standards and expectations we allow them to destroy our happiness. We think that they have to do something in order to allow us to move forward. This leads to resentment, bitterness and physical and mental health issues. Who wants to live this way? I know I didn't, but realized that that was exactly what I was doing in my first marriage.

It certainly did not happen over night, but it happened. One day I woke up and realized I had given all of my power away. My life was no longer my own. Well, that had to stop. It took time and help from a counselor to rebuild my confidence in myself and take control of my life and my emotions. My marriage didn't survive, but although I contributed my share of mistakes that eventually ended our marriage, so did my ex-husband. And I've come to realize that holding onto all of the lies and betrayals, the unanswered questions and hurts is a waste of time. It does nothing to change the past and only keeps me in that unhealthy place. I would still be allowing him to control my happiness.

I know I'll never get the answers I would like about how our marriage turned out the way it did, and that's okay. I don't require these answers to move forward, to live my life, to raise my son, to find love again, to be happy. I can move on in spite of my past. If you're in a similar place in your life here are a few things that can help you find a healthier path:

1) Talk to someone.
It's hard to let go of past hurts. It doesn't make you a weak person if you ask for help. Friends and family can often times only fuel your anger, having a third party who can give you realistic goals and objectives to help you through the situation can be invaluable.

2) Write it out .
Write it all down, uncensored and raw. Don't hold back. Say everything you wish you could say, ask all the questions, tell them off; what ever you feel like writing. And when you're done, burn it and let it go. Don't let someone else have your power, they're never worth it.

3) Forgive.
Not for them, but for yourself. Forgiveness doesn't mean that what the person did was okay, it means that you have it within yourself to move on and have a happy, healthy life.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool, but it does take time to get to that place. However, the more you practice forgiveness in your life the easier it becomes. I think we have been taught by society that forgiveness means it's alright. That who ever has hurt us can just get away with what they have done . The reality of the situation is that no one gets away with the wrongs and hurts they have perpetuated onto others. There are lessons to be learned and if the other person continues in their negative behavior they will only attract this negativity back into their lives. So find peace in letting go of the hurt and forgiving in order to continue on your own path.

Published by Yahoo!Voices: http://voices.yahoo.com/the-wisdom-forgiveness-health-12220600.html

Guilty until proven innocent...

I am being censored; guilty until proven innocent. Because of this I have had to remove all personal writings from my blogs and other social media. This is extremely unfortunate and absurd in my opinion that if I have a difficult day, and rather than take it out on those around me, I chose to use writing as a therapeutic form of venting and releasing my frustrations and feelings, I will now have this used against me as if I were some oddity or freak of nature. Because no one else on this planet ever has a bad day, no one else ever has events occur in their lives that makes them feel depressed or angry. So this is what it comes down to. Only my professional writing will appear on my blog from this point forward. There are some people in the world who truly need to grow up and take a hefty dose of reality. Rather than looking for a reason to hate others and cause pain, why not attempt some empathy for once...

Live in the now...plan for the...

I read an article today that really made me think about the differences I've gone through from an healthy person, to one with sickness (http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/). I took so much for granted before I was diagnosed with FM. We all do. Every task has so many steps that we don't even think about. We need to decide each day; will I clean or will I eat, if I have to drive my son to school, what do I have to give up? We do what is of upmost importance, and the rest just has to wait until another day. And the article is right, when we spend time with friend or family, you're given a gift because we chose you as one of our utmost important things that day. We gave you a piece of ourselves just to be around you. That means a lot for us.

Pre-FM I thought a lot about the future; my future career, car, home, family, relationships, etc., etc., etc. But now - I look around my home and all I see is so much unnecessary stuff. Just things that are absolutely meaningless. I want uncomplicated and simple; it makes my day's easier that way. And now, I think more of the now then I do the future. Don't get me wrong, I do make financial plans regarding the future because that's just smart planning, but my life is now in the present. I can't live in the "what will be". I can only live in the now, because I don't know what my tomorrow will be.

Will I be able to walk? Will I be able to see? Will my pain leave me bed ridden? Could I end up with additional medical conditions that will complicate everything I'm already going through? The answer to all of these questions is most likely yes. I don't know how much longer I'll have to be able to get up and take care of my son, I don't know if my eyes are going to continue to blur to the point that I can no longer see. I don't know if my pain levels will continue to increase as they have been over the past few weeks. None of these are good signs, so I need to be especially grateful for each and every little thing I have in the now. Not in the future...just right this second. Because I have no idea if this is the last second I may have.

I'm not trying to be pessimistic or scare my family and friends, I'm just being realistic. I have a condition that in most will continue to progress and gets worse over time. So in order to prepare for the future, I need to live, NOW.

It bothers me when old friends say they will keep in touch and don't. Say they will call and don't. I miss them, but I don't have the energy to go to them. I can't give my half to a relationship any more...and that really bothers me. I don't know what to do about it.

I'm not saying that planning for the future is pointless, because it really isn't. I guess what I'm saying is that the next time you think about all the great things you'll do/see/be in the future...step back and think about all the great things you do, you see, and you are, right now. Because in the end, that is what really counts.

My Writing Continues???

So I've been trying to come up with what I can do in order to prepare myself for possibly needed to go back to work at some point. I've discussed this with my husband, of course, and he likes the idea of expanding my writing and photography...doing freelance work while I continue to work on my novel. I can submit shorter pieces for publication and continue to grow my portfolio. And, most importantly, I don't have to be in an office. I can work from the comfort of home so I have my physical needs met. Having a chronic pain condition makes thinking of getting up each morning and trying to make it into an office by 8:00 am a complete and total nightmare of epic proportions. Just the stress alone of whether I could make it there...and stay there for the entire day. I don't think I'd be able to physically do that right now. My condition appears to be getting worse, not a good sign. And not exactly something that will get you a job, or let you keep one if by some miracle you are hired by someone.

My college education is in visual communications and graphic design, photography, and writing. I can take courses and research how to do freelance editing as well; I could make this work. But first, I need to start getting myself published again. My previous published articles were all in journalistic style. Very fact based, analytical. The kind of writing I'd like to do is quite different. I've been a practicing Wiccan since I was fifteen years old...so for twenty years. There's a Wiccan/Pagan magazine and ezine that takes submissions for publication. So I say...why not? I can write about my faith, what I do, challenges I have had, or what ever special topics they are looking for.

There should be other publications that take freelance contributions, I just need to find the ones I like and start submitting. The same with my photography. My husband reminded me about all the photo contests that happen all the time; just need to start submitting. I can even sell my photos on a website, blown up poster size. It may not bring in a lot of money, but it'll bring in something eventually and I'd be able to contribute again, find something I can actually do with my pain condition.

That's really one of the worst parts of all of this, besides the actual pain that is: the lose of everything you were able to do before. I had a career, a dance troupe, physical activities that I loved to do...that life has died. I'm still mourning that life, I just don't want to let go of it yet. I can't bring myself to say that I'm going to have this disease for the rest of my life and say goodbye forever to all that I was. I liked who I was, the dancing, the career, my yoga, pilates, zumba...I felt good. I looked good. I can't say goodbye to that, I want it back to much. I'm still fighting, which doctors say I need to stop doing. No fighting, but continue to educate myself on treatments and research, and accept that for this moment, I have pain. This is extremely difficult, especially when you try to say it, but your insides twist into a knot because deep down you don't feel the truth in that statement. I still feel that acceptance means giving up. Maybe my doctors need to come up with a new word that isn't so negative to me.

But, regardless of my issues with acceptance of my current condition, I'm going to try to write and submit for publication again. Wish me luck!

Intelligence leading to stupidity...

I'm not sure what causes this phenomenon, but I've witnessed in my years of work in a higher education institution that the more "book smart" many people are, the less common sense the appear to possess. Now,
I can't claim that everyone with a graduate degree has this affliction, because they don't. I'm unclear as to the life circumstances that cause individuals of extreme intelligence to so completely lack the very basic of appropriate human behavior. But in my personal experience in this area of work, one either has a "normal" level of common sense, or you just don't have the slightest clue about social maturity and appropriate behavior.

I wish I had some answers. This immaturity can range from slightly rude and inappropriate comments to outright emotional and psychological abuse. It can be difficult at times to stay calm and not take the abuse personally, which would be allowing these individuals to destroy your confidence in yourself. Sometimes it really hurts, and they don't appear to be aware of it, or if they are aware, they don't care.

I've never met any other group of individuals with such an over-inflated ego. The comments they tend to make are centered around getting their way at any cost. Your feelings are of no concern. They make unbelievably hurtful and inappropriate (verbally and in writing which can be sent to entire work units). I hate to say that my four year old son shows more maturity and empathy than these grown adults. It's completely and utterly absurd and unacceptable.

The worst part of all of this, is that because of these individuals positions, no one seems to stand up and say ENOUGH! I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO TREAT ME WITH SUCH DISRESPECT. However, I've made a decision; after years of not confronting these individuals when they choose me as their unwilling target, I'm going to stand up (figuratively speaking) and say enough. I know I do a good job, and I have every right to demand respect from those I work with.

It's so true that you teach people how to treat you. By remaining silent, I allow these individuals to chip away at my self-confidence. This leads to poor quality work, less enjoyment in what I do, low morale, and unwillingness to do anything to assist these individuals with work related issues, and heightened levels of anxiety. I've had enough. I certainly have no intention of lowering myself to their level with petty insults and temper tantrums. These appear to be their area of expertise. But I will stand up and let it be known when they cross the line with me. I deserve respect. I work hard and try to be open to change and new ideas. I don't always succeed, but I always do my best. So the next time I'm verbally attached by the overly large children I work with, I need to remember, this is their problem not mine. I need to see these attacks for what they really are, a very sad person's attempt at getting attention. When I think of it in these terms it makes me curious as to what happened in their lives that they believe this is how you get what you want. Could it be cultural? Were they treated in a similar fashion? Were they only taught to respond to petty immaturity by mimicking the behavior? Or, has their higher level education given them a sense of entitlement that makes them feel like they can treat others no better than crap stuck to the bottom of their shoes?

My belief, I could care less how much formal education you do or do not have. We are all a part of the human family, and as such, we treat others with the same level of respect you wish to be treated. No ifs, ands, or buts. No one can change the behavior of others (no matter how hard I wish I could), but we all get in this world that which we give. I know that for every hurtful and malicious act these individuals commit, it will return to them in some form in kind. So, it will be challenging, but a challenge I'm willing to take on. I'm a strong woman, and I will endeavor to respond with tact and professionalism. No longer will I respond to their actions with silence, but with the courage and confidence I know I hold within myself. No one can take these away from me unless I give them permission to do so; that permission has now been permanently revoked.