The Wisdom of Forgiveness and Your Health

Have you ever allowed another person's actions to dictate your emotions? Are you angry and bitter every time you think of someone who has wronged you? If so, you're human but also probably living a more stressful and unhealthy life than you need to be. The problem with allowing others to control our emotions is that we cannot control what others do. If someone doesn't live up to our standards and expectations we allow them to destroy our happiness. We think that they have to do something in order to allow us to move forward. This leads to resentment, bitterness and physical and mental health issues. Who wants to live this way? I know I didn't, but realized that that was exactly what I was doing in my first marriage.

It certainly did not happen over night, but it happened. One day I woke up and realized I had given all of my power away. My life was no longer my own. Well, that had to stop. It took time and help from a counselor to rebuild my confidence in myself and take control of my life and my emotions. My marriage didn't survive, but although I contributed my share of mistakes that eventually ended our marriage, so did my ex-husband. And I've come to realize that holding onto all of the lies and betrayals, the unanswered questions and hurts is a waste of time. It does nothing to change the past and only keeps me in that unhealthy place. I would still be allowing him to control my happiness.

I know I'll never get the answers I would like about how our marriage turned out the way it did, and that's okay. I don't require these answers to move forward, to live my life, to raise my son, to find love again, to be happy. I can move on in spite of my past. If you're in a similar place in your life here are a few things that can help you find a healthier path:

1) Talk to someone.
It's hard to let go of past hurts. It doesn't make you a weak person if you ask for help. Friends and family can often times only fuel your anger, having a third party who can give you realistic goals and objectives to help you through the situation can be invaluable.

2) Write it out .
Write it all down, uncensored and raw. Don't hold back. Say everything you wish you could say, ask all the questions, tell them off; what ever you feel like writing. And when you're done, burn it and let it go. Don't let someone else have your power, they're never worth it.

3) Forgive.
Not for them, but for yourself. Forgiveness doesn't mean that what the person did was okay, it means that you have it within yourself to move on and have a happy, healthy life.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool, but it does take time to get to that place. However, the more you practice forgiveness in your life the easier it becomes. I think we have been taught by society that forgiveness means it's alright. That who ever has hurt us can just get away with what they have done . The reality of the situation is that no one gets away with the wrongs and hurts they have perpetuated onto others. There are lessons to be learned and if the other person continues in their negative behavior they will only attract this negativity back into their lives. So find peace in letting go of the hurt and forgiving in order to continue on your own path.

Published by Yahoo!Voices: http://voices.yahoo.com/the-wisdom-forgiveness-health-12220600.html

Keeping the faith with chronic pain

When diagnosed with a chronic illness a piece of you begins to shrivel and die. How could this be, why is this happening to me? Our faith in ourselves and our gods are shaken to the core. We can find ourselves spirally into depression and anxiety. We can't breathe. Anger is an easy emotion to turn to. Why has the Goddess turned Her back on me? What have I done to deserve this kind of karmic backlash?

You struggle to find the right doctors and specialists, the right treatment program, educating yourself, friends and family; not to mention the fight for benefits and whether you'll be able to continue to work. This alone could drive the strongest and healthiest of individuals into depression and absolute frustration. You need to have an advocate to turn to, to put your faith in. That's when we turn to our alter, light a candle, and ask the impossible question; why me?

If living in my pagan path has taught me nothing else, it is that we are given these challenges because we are strong enough. And there is a valuable lesson to be gleaned from it all. I can say with absolute certainty, from my own personal experience, that we don't feel strong enough in the beginning. Anything but. It takes time. For many, we have to grieve and mourn the lose of our former selves. Ritual and meditation is a wonderful place to start.

Meditate on who you saw yourself before - then on who you are in the present moment. Mentally light the fire on the pyre of your dead self, send her/him to the Lady. Then right down everything that has and will be changing in your life. How it makes you feel. What you plan to do about them. What you'd like to do about them. Cry. Scream at this paper; this symbol of what was. Then burn it. Watch it as the paper curls and blackens, flaking off to be carried away on a breeze. Watch the smoke rise steadily upwards to the gods. They hear you. They see you. Now take three long, cleansing breaths and just let yourself feel your body for a moment. It's much more difficult than you first think it is.

Sit with your pain. Feel it. And slowly, with time you can begin to accept it. This ritual can be done multiple times and for multiple reasons. Keep doing it as often as you need, but make a point to practice your deep breathing and let your self sit and feel your pain on a regular basis. Light candles and incense, cast your circle, invite the quarters, God/Goddess, and any other positive energies you wish. This takes time and can be painful in the beginning. Let the God/Goddess be with you during this time. Feel their energy holding you up and supporting you during this process. You would not have been given this challenge if you were not strong enough for it.

Buddhists call it Radical Acceptance. Well, I'll tell you that the first time my therapist suggested this to me, I thought maybe she was the one who had lost her mind. Maybe we should switch places and have a little chat about this. But, the more she explained it, the more sense it finally started to make for me. This "sitting with your pain and accepting it", has nothing to do with giving up. You feel your pain, and you accept that in this moment in time, this is simply how it is. Nothing more, nothing less. You accept that your doctors have diagnosed you, you are working on a treatment plan which you will follow through implicitly, and that you will continue to look, to research, to speak to your doctors about your health on a more regular basis. As aptly put by Tara Brach in her article, The Power of Radical Acceptance: Healing Trauma though the Integration of Buddhist Meditation and Psychotherapy, "which means clearly recognizing what we are feeling in the present moment and regarding that experience with compassion. I see over and over that Radical Acceptance is the gateway to healing wounds and spiritual transformation. When we can meet our experience with Radical Acceptance, we discover the wholeness, wisdom and love that are our deepest nature."

My diagnosis was a blessing of sorts. I cannot say that I'm completely accepting of my current life, because I struggle with these concepts every day, but with this health challenge I have been able to spend more time on myself and my health. I'm there for my son in ways that I couldn't be while I was working full time. Don't get me wrong, I loved my career, but this has changed my priorities. Made me take a long, hard look at what I really want to do. Writing, art, photography; these are the things I've been wanting to do but have always pushed them aside because I never made time for them. Now may be the time to stop pushing them away and embrace them as I work towards my own radical acceptance. Discover my wholeness, regard myself with love and compassion. Allow myself the opportunity to fully embrace my gods and what they have to teach me. There is a lesson to be learned within chronic illness, and each of us have been given the opportunity to find it, embrace it, and find a deeper connection with our chosen gods. I wish all of  you the brightest of blessings in your journey with chronic illness.

Caleen Martin


Radical Acceptance Article Refrences
http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/trauma.html
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/real-healing/201101/radical-acceptance

Live in the now...plan for the...

I read an article today that really made me think about the differences I've gone through from an healthy person, to one with sickness (http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/). I took so much for granted before I was diagnosed with FM. We all do. Every task has so many steps that we don't even think about. We need to decide each day; will I clean or will I eat, if I have to drive my son to school, what do I have to give up? We do what is of upmost importance, and the rest just has to wait until another day. And the article is right, when we spend time with friend or family, you're given a gift because we chose you as one of our utmost important things that day. We gave you a piece of ourselves just to be around you. That means a lot for us.

Pre-FM I thought a lot about the future; my future career, car, home, family, relationships, etc., etc., etc. But now - I look around my home and all I see is so much unnecessary stuff. Just things that are absolutely meaningless. I want uncomplicated and simple; it makes my day's easier that way. And now, I think more of the now then I do the future. Don't get me wrong, I do make financial plans regarding the future because that's just smart planning, but my life is now in the present. I can't live in the "what will be". I can only live in the now, because I don't know what my tomorrow will be.

Will I be able to walk? Will I be able to see? Will my pain leave me bed ridden? Could I end up with additional medical conditions that will complicate everything I'm already going through? The answer to all of these questions is most likely yes. I don't know how much longer I'll have to be able to get up and take care of my son, I don't know if my eyes are going to continue to blur to the point that I can no longer see. I don't know if my pain levels will continue to increase as they have been over the past few weeks. None of these are good signs, so I need to be especially grateful for each and every little thing I have in the now. Not in the future...just right this second. Because I have no idea if this is the last second I may have.

I'm not trying to be pessimistic or scare my family and friends, I'm just being realistic. I have a condition that in most will continue to progress and gets worse over time. So in order to prepare for the future, I need to live, NOW.

It bothers me when old friends say they will keep in touch and don't. Say they will call and don't. I miss them, but I don't have the energy to go to them. I can't give my half to a relationship any more...and that really bothers me. I don't know what to do about it.

I'm not saying that planning for the future is pointless, because it really isn't. I guess what I'm saying is that the next time you think about all the great things you'll do/see/be in the future...step back and think about all the great things you do, you see, and you are, right now. Because in the end, that is what really counts.

Feeling your purpose

It's hard to not have a rough morning when you suffer from chronic pain. Every second is a trial and testament to our courage and strength to continue. But I can see the lose in so many, hear it in their words, see it in their eyes. I see it in my own mirror. It's heart wrenching to think that my life comes down to this. I had a really great career that I loved. I'm really good at what I do and I was going places. My son and I were really starting to connect and have fun together. My side hobby was dancing. I performed professionally in a tribal bellydance troupe throughout the state. I loved it. I was active, strong, organized. I knew what I wanted and how I was going to reach my goals. But things changed. I gained weight uncontrollably that the doctors couldn't explain. Then chronic fatigue hit and I slowly had to let go of all my physical activities and officially leave my troupe. The migraines became worse. They had been there on and off since highschool. Then insomnia and finally, the pain started. Just in my back at first. So I decided to get regular massages. They didn't help, in fact, my pain kept increasing. My next step was a chiropractor. She put me on a regimen of chiropractic work, massage, acupuncture, physical therapy and using a tens unit. It sounded like a good plan to me, but the pain continued to increase until no one could even touch me. So I went to my doctor who immediately gave my narcotic pain killers. That didn't end well, and I found a new doctor.

Now, after trying every non-narcotic pain medication there is out there I'm on two different ones that help 'a little bit'. But my doctor is out of options. I've seen all the specialists, they all agree on the treatments I've received thus far. But now I'm back to square one. I'm going to look for a pain specialist and see if there are other options available. Do we simply have to deal with taking stronger medications that will cause addictions? I'm at a lose. I'd like to try acupuncture again. I'm also trying Ayurveda herbs (Ashwagandha in particular) and looking more into trying gluten free again. I'm really not sure I have a lot of options left to me, but I'll never stop looking.

My story seems to mimic so many. Gone through multiple doctors, been thoroughly used as a guinea pig for every medication known to man. And you're still waiting for that pill, that exercise, that stimulant that, may not totally take away the pain, but definitely decrease it to a more manageable level.

I see the lose, but I also see determination in the creased brows and firm lips, the pinched checks, and exclamations of hope. Every day we wake up, every day we take one more step closer to finding our answers to our conditions. This is a war we are all fighting, for many it is a very long war. But we must remember that a war cannot be won in a day. We must take on each battle as they come our way. Eventually, eventually there will be an end for each of us. Better medications, supplements, homeopathy, doctors, research, therapies...something. It could be different for each of us, but we'll all get there. We have to, because we're here for a reason, and that reason is NOT to live in constant pain and watch our lives fall apart around us. No god would ever condone such a life sentence. We are meant to find our answers to this so we can live productive lives. So we can feel our purpose.

I know all to well how impossible it seems to keep fighting when depression and anxiety reaches its gnarled hands up from the depths of the earth and grab ahold of you. It feels like the world is no longer a place you want to be. You question how you can keep doing this, day after day, with no relief. You question whether you are more of a burden to your family and if they would be better off without you. But I've found that these things aren't me, they're just the depression trying to use me as some kind of puppet to spew its filth and vile hatred. And yes, we have all succumbed to it at times. But eventually we have each crawled out of that hole and back into the light again. For our partners, for our children, for our family, for our jobs, for our friends. We fight our way back because they do need us.

This isn't an easy journey. But its a journey that has already proven how remarkably strong we all are, or we wouldn't be here right now. Our strength lies in our courage to wake up each day and keep going, to try again. And every day we get a little closer to the end. We may not see it until we're literally on top of it, but its coming. So the next time we wake up and know from the start that its going to be a rough morning/day, just take a minute to slow down, close your eyes and place your hand over your heart. Feel it. It keeps beating. That's your purpose. Feel it. Be it. Never give up hope. Brightest Blessings!

My Writing Continues???

So I've been trying to come up with what I can do in order to prepare myself for possibly needed to go back to work at some point. I've discussed this with my husband, of course, and he likes the idea of expanding my writing and photography...doing freelance work while I continue to work on my novel. I can submit shorter pieces for publication and continue to grow my portfolio. And, most importantly, I don't have to be in an office. I can work from the comfort of home so I have my physical needs met. Having a chronic pain condition makes thinking of getting up each morning and trying to make it into an office by 8:00 am a complete and total nightmare of epic proportions. Just the stress alone of whether I could make it there...and stay there for the entire day. I don't think I'd be able to physically do that right now. My condition appears to be getting worse, not a good sign. And not exactly something that will get you a job, or let you keep one if by some miracle you are hired by someone.

My college education is in visual communications and graphic design, photography, and writing. I can take courses and research how to do freelance editing as well; I could make this work. But first, I need to start getting myself published again. My previous published articles were all in journalistic style. Very fact based, analytical. The kind of writing I'd like to do is quite different. I've been a practicing Wiccan since I was fifteen years old...so for twenty years. There's a Wiccan/Pagan magazine and ezine that takes submissions for publication. So I say...why not? I can write about my faith, what I do, challenges I have had, or what ever special topics they are looking for.

There should be other publications that take freelance contributions, I just need to find the ones I like and start submitting. The same with my photography. My husband reminded me about all the photo contests that happen all the time; just need to start submitting. I can even sell my photos on a website, blown up poster size. It may not bring in a lot of money, but it'll bring in something eventually and I'd be able to contribute again, find something I can actually do with my pain condition.

That's really one of the worst parts of all of this, besides the actual pain that is: the lose of everything you were able to do before. I had a career, a dance troupe, physical activities that I loved to do...that life has died. I'm still mourning that life, I just don't want to let go of it yet. I can't bring myself to say that I'm going to have this disease for the rest of my life and say goodbye forever to all that I was. I liked who I was, the dancing, the career, my yoga, pilates, zumba...I felt good. I looked good. I can't say goodbye to that, I want it back to much. I'm still fighting, which doctors say I need to stop doing. No fighting, but continue to educate myself on treatments and research, and accept that for this moment, I have pain. This is extremely difficult, especially when you try to say it, but your insides twist into a knot because deep down you don't feel the truth in that statement. I still feel that acceptance means giving up. Maybe my doctors need to come up with a new word that isn't so negative to me.

But, regardless of my issues with acceptance of my current condition, I'm going to try to write and submit for publication again. Wish me luck!

Demon possession...are you serious?

Why do so many people who otherwise seem perfectly intelligent believe in demon possession? I watched a show the other night called Beyond Belief. They were discussing demons as if that was the answer to all of the problems in the world. Apparently, according to those interviewed, certain habits such as drugs and drinking open the door for Satan and his demons to run amuck from within the afflicted person. One, who is actually a famous singer in a heavy metal band, actually believes that certain mantra meditations opens the doors for demons. Really? Can you possibly be more absurd? And of course he also grouped black magic and witchcraft into the same category. It's fairly obvious that these people just don't have a clue. Wake up and join the twenty first century! We are not living in the times of the Puritans when everything bad in the world can be blamed on curses, demons, and witchcraft. We should be smarter than this...

They also interviewed a Pastor who claims to cast demons out of his parishioners every Sunday. These people calmly attend their Sunday service, and towards the end, begin writhing on the floor, screaming obscenities and incoherent babble, and vomit in paper bags to "expel the demons" that are obviously taken up residence within them. I'm sorry, but are you kidding? The fact that people honestly believe that demons are the cause of their woes is astonishing to me.

Has no one considered taking any responsibility for their own lives? Lets not take action to make any positive changes in your life, just blame it all on Satan and his minions. They've been an easy scapegoat for centuries. And why is it, that every time the absurd belief in demons, curses, and evil appear, the Catholic Church is never far behind? Not that I don't believe in evil. I do believe that there are people in this world who are inherently evil. Something is just so wrong with their makeup and brain, that they embody all that is horrible and evil. But those are individuals who are mentally disturbed, not possessed.

Curses have certainly been around for ages, but they only seem to hold any real power if the one supposedly being cursed believes in them. And demons, well, I'm just not convinced. Every living thing on this planet and beyond has a life essence which can affect the world. Our emotions and actions to those emotions can make major changes in our realities...for good or bad. But I don't think demons exist, only our own emotions and wills taking shape in our lives. Restless souls and energies may occasionally go bump in the night, but demons are not the answer.

And what's even more extraordinary is that those who really do believe in the load of bull actually experience a level of positive change in their lives, or at least that's what they say publicly. Talk about the power of belief in action. But I can't see that this is a healthy way to deal with your issues. These people are living in a delusional world where they blame outside forces. You can't make positive changes in your life through blame, but rather by taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions. Eventually this way of living and dealing with life is going to backfire on these people, and then all hell is really going to break loose.

My advice for the demon afflicted...stop blaming and start looking within yourself for healthy positive change. Eat well, exercise, get regular check-ups, and get a therapist! Living in a delusional demon world will only fracture your psyche, and those who believe in this absurd junk are already a bit cracked as it is.

Summer Solstice 2011

The Summer Solstice falls on June 21st this year. Solstice comes from the Latin Sol (sun) stice (to stand still), as the days get longer and longer, the sun rises until it appears to stand still in the sky. The Summer Solstice (also called Midsummer or Litha) is the longest day and shortest night of the year.

Significance of the Summer Solstice:

In pre-historic times, summer was a joyous time of the year for those Aboriginal people who lived in the northern latitudes. The snow had disappeared; the ground had thawed out; warm temperatures had returned; flowers were blooming; leaves had returned to the deciduous trees. Some herbs could be harvested, for medicinal and other uses. Food was easier to find. The crops had already been planted and would be harvested in the months to come. Although many months of warm/hot weather remained before the fall, they noticed that the days were beginning to shorten, so that the return of the cold season was inevitable.

The first (or only) full moon in June is called the Honey Moon. Tradition holds that this is the best time to harvest honey from the hives.

This time of year, between the planting and harvesting of the crops, was the traditional month for weddings. This is because many ancient peoples believed that the "grand [sexual] union" of the Goddess and God occurred in early May at Beltaine. Since it was unlucky to compete with the deities, many couples delayed their weddings until June. (Or, many couples realized in June that their "fun" in May has now turned into a baby). June remains a favorite month for marriage today. In some traditions, newly wed couples were fed dishes and beverages that featured honey for the first month of their married life to encourage love and fertility. The surviving vestige of this tradition lives on in the name given to the holiday immediately after the ceremony: The Honeymoon.

So, what to do for the solstice with a 4 year old...
I'm thinking lighting the summer bonfires is out of the question; even if we did have the space set up for it...we live in Arizona...we definitily have enough heat here. We are going to make paper sunflowers for our alter, and possibly a little ritual he can help me with (which must of course include lots of running around with arms raised - anything to wear that boy out!). And for me...the knowledge that fall is on its way with cooler wheather...I can't wait...it's my favorite season of all :-)

Wiccan Blessing for Summer

As the sun spirals its longest dance,

Cleanse us
As nature shows bounty and fertility
Bless us
Let all things live with loving intent
And to fulfill their truest destiny.

Is god a bigot?

I've studied different religions for years and one belief always confounds me, regardless of the specific faith, that god has only one "true" path. I don't personally understand it. Individuals have been recorded in history as having enlightened religious experiences from literally every faith in existence; whether it appeared as a dream, vision, near death experience, the voice of "God", you name it, someone has claimed to have experienced it. So how can there be only one way, one path, one face, one gender, one name when so many from so many belief systems have had such life changing experiences?

I look at the words used to describe "God" and can only think that this isn't a god I want anything to do with. Jealous, vengeful, but also loving and kind? If I were to describe a human being like that they'd be considered abusive and in need of serious psychological evaluation and treatment. And where do we get this character description? From religious texts written by other human beings long since dead, and hundreds of years after supposed events occurred.

We have learned that any text that has survived throughout history was written by the "winners". We never get to hear the stories of those who didn't win the war. So why is it that so many people can take the words written in religious texts as absolute truth? We know nothing about these individuals except what we've found. I'm certainly not saying that the authors of religious texts are all lying, but we need to realize that regardless of the intention all humans have individual feelings, opinions, and personal agendas which are always reflected in our writing. It makes no difference if the words are in a blog or religious book, they are only an individuals interpretation and personal beliefs.

I can't believe for a second that the amount of death and destruction that has been wrought by human beings in their attempt to forcibly convince the world that there way is the only way is what any Divine creator would want. We always hear the phrase "look at the larger picture", well, religion needs to do the same. Is it so inconceivable that god foresaw that humans would be amazingly diverse? That we would have so many beautiful and varied cultures and beliefs that one faith simply won't fit everyone? And that god created all religions, so that in our diversity we could find the path that truly spoke to our individual hearts and souls?

All belief systems hold a set of basic beliefs and "rules" to live by, and if one looks closely we will see that they all say the same things; treat others as you would be treated. This sentiment is put in numerous ways, but it really all comes down to this. Over the years humans have added some more colorful and unusual rules like what kind of food to eat/drink, type of clothes to wear, how and where to communicate with god and so on, but I believe all of these where just others who wanted to force their own opinions over those of their faith. We see it all the time, power hungry individuals who will say or do anything to get others to do as they say. It happens today, and it happened hundreds of years ago.

We all need to stop viewing religion as a one way street, but a beautiful map with numerous paths all leading us to our creator. Forcing your personal beliefs down the throats of others will never work, and trying to convince the world that "God" can only by found one way only shows that we have a long way to go to overcome such religious bigotry. Humans can be racist and a bigot, but god never was and never will be.