The Art of Living with Gratitude, in Sickness and in Health - The Law of Attraction and How Even in Sickness Gratitude Can Be Present in Your Every Day Life

 
Published on Yahoo!Voices / February 4, 2014

Even in the best of times it can be difficult to live with an attitude of gratitude. We can take so many things in our lives for granted; being able to get up pain free every morning, contributing our knowledge at work, simply getting dressed and ready to leave the house. When a life altering condition appears on the scene gratitude is not the typical response. After being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition with no known cure , I was in panic mode. I had no idea what would lie ahead for me; could I keep working, rais e my son or even hav e a life of any kind? The condition worsened and I had to leave my full time work as a Senior Event and Communications Coordinator at Arizona State University after 11 years of service. I had to go on disability, get state assistance and learn how to speak up for myself with doctors and insurance companies. Not an easy task when you're spirally into a depression.

It wasn't an easy road but it is a manageable one if you can learn to concentrate on one small step at a time. First, get into the care of a physician and specialists who are well trained and knowledgeable about your condition. Don't ever let a medical professional try to demean you or make you think you're crazy for feeling the way you do. They aren't the doctor for you - keep searching. You need supportive advocate s for your health and they are out there in the form of physicians, family, support groups and friends. Talk to friends and family about what is going on with you physically and emotionally. If they can't understand or are unable to support you then you may need to explain to them that although you care for them very much, you will not be relying on them for support during this time in your life. And from that point on you can talk to them about anything, except your condition, which may mean you don't speak to them very frequently but this is about taking care of you not them.

Support groups are another wonderful place to look for like minded and understanding individuals who are going through the same or similar issues as yourself. Now, to clarify, by support group I am not referring to a group of individuals with the same conditions who sit around once a week and complain about each and every thing that has gone wrong with them or their lives. Yes, venting has its time and place but a support group should do just that SUPPORT. Offer books that are well written , tips for staying positive, references for doctors and other therapies that could help and a safe place to discuss your feelings and challenges with those who will support you and encourage you to keep going. Many support groups will also allow your family or friends to come with you so they can ask questions and gain some knowledge on what it means to have a pain condition.

Building your support system is the most important thing you can do. We all need to surround ourselves with loving and supportive individuals and keep any others at a distance . This is a time for guilt free selfishness. Our job is to practice extreme self-care ; how else can we ever be there for others if we are not able to take care of ourselves.

Once your support system is established and you have knowledgeable doctors working with you, the next step involves reinventing your daily life. What should your new daily routine involve? We need to figure out how our days will be, what kind of support will be needed with tasks we didn't need assistance with in the past. Our lives have changed so it's natural that our routines will change with it. Educating ourselves on our needs and physical limitations is important. Physical and emotional therapies should be included in our daily routines. For Fibromyalgia patients yoga and gardening are very good for both physical and emotional therapy. Meditation is also a valuable tool. It can be difficult for many people to meditate, especially when their lives have been turned upside down and depression is so close to us. But meditation comes in many forms. There is the typical form of sitting or lying down and quietly meditating but there are also guided meditations, moving meditations and deep relaxing meditations like Yoga Ni dra . So don't be discouraged if one form doesn't feel right to you. Just try another until you find the way that works best for you.

All of the steps listed above will help lead you to the next step; learning to live with gratitude in sickness. It can be extremely challenging to find anything to be grateful for when our health feels like it is no longer within our control to change and improve. All of the previous steps enable you to appreciate what you have in a positive light. I've listened to and watched others with similar pain conditions complain and live in constant depression over what they consider their 'lot in life'. They allow their conditions to fester and worsen over time. I know, I've been there myself. What I've learned through this journey , I do have control over my life and my body. My mind, my ability to recognize my emotions and reach for better feeling thoughts, is the strongest and most important ability I hold within myself. I have complete control, nothing can take that control away from me unless I let it.

One of the hardest challenges we all seem to face, whether we are in perfect health or not, is in taking responsibility for our emotions. It is so much easier to just put the blame on someone or something else. We give our power away to everyone who upsets us. It becomes even more challenging as our health declines. But what we should actively work on each day is realizing and accepting the fact that no matter what others are doing around us, we can live with joy, with appreciation and with gratitude in our lives. By turning away from what we do not want and spending our time with recognizing all the good that we have we actually begin increasing our ability to change our lives, to change our health.

This can seem like an impossible feat in the beginning. It involves being honest with yourself and others, setting up boundaries and sticking to them, actively practicing extreme self-care each and every day. All of this is possible, its that it can be uncomfortable at first because we are not accustomed to thinking of ourselves first. We aren't accustomed to being brutally honest with ourselves about what we really do want and need, and then expressing those needs. It can be frightening at first but I can guarantee that it gets easier, even enjoyable once you get the hang of it. And I can tell you all from personal experience that once you start putting out there what you want, once you take responsibility for your emotions, this is the place where miracles can and do happen.

This is why the first steps are so crucial to reaching this point. Gratitude does not come easily to those in pain - period. That's why we need our support system's in place, we need to have a list to go to for inspiration and support.
Some steps to get you started:

• Write out a gratitude list (and continue to add to it). Put it up somewhere that you can see it every day. Keep a copy with you at all times. If you start to feel negative, take it out, take a deep breath and read your list to remind you of what you do have that's good in your life.
  
• Make a list of any friends, family or support group members who you can call when you need to talk. Only list those who will be kind, supportive and encouraging.
  
• Keep the number of your doctor, therapist or counselor handy in case you need to make an appointment, and find out about emergency procedures their office may have if you need to speak to or see someone immediately.
  
• Declutter your home to declutter your mind. The more 'stuff' that is packed in around us physically the more anxious, depressed and stressed we feel. All of these emotions lead to increased pain. Start in one corner of a room if you need to, just do your best to simplify your life. We can breath easier when our homes, or place of solace and peace, is in order.
  
• Delegate . Find friends, family, support group members and/or other organizations that can assist you with small things like cleaning the house, walking the dog, helping you with shopping or budgeting. If you have children hopefully you have someone who can help with getting the kids to school and babysitting when you really need help. You need to lighten your load and stop expecting so much from yourself. If there is someone else on this planet who can do the job, see if you can delegate it.
  

It is so important to work towards releasing what you can, simplifying your home and life and establishing your support system in order to reach your goal of gratitude. It may feel like a million miles away but it doesn't need to. Our minds have far more ability to change our health around than any medication can. Physicians do studies constantly on the placebo affect with various medications and with a multitude of conditions and ailments . Study after studies shows that those with a positive attitude, a healthy support system and a strong belief in what ever unknown pill they are being given, are able to heal themselves. Pain conditions are one of the ailments that show significant findings in regards to lowering pain levels by having a more positive outlook and keeping to a healthy lifestyle.

I've heard the same complaints over and over again from fellow pain sufferers that this is all we have. Our lives will never get better. The doctors will never believe me or figure this out. I've been in the lonely place of feeling this worn out, this overwhelmed and this hopeless. I know first hand that we don't have a magic switch we can hit to feel better. Take baby steps, one day at a time and eventually you can and will get there. This I can promise.

Published on Yahoo!Voices / February 4, 2014

Siblings Sleeping in Sin?

Published on Examiner.com / November 19, 2013

What do you see when you look at the above picture? Love, comfort, peacefulness? Does it look cute, adorable or sweet? Some would say yes, of course. Some however, see a very different picture. They see 2 siblings of the opposite sex curled up together in the same bed. This is wrong, incestuous, perverted. When exactly in our culture did this shift occur? When did the sight of a bed turn from comforting and restful to something dirty and sinful? When did it become unnatural for our children to find comfort from closeness to one another?

According to anthropologists the idea of privacy and what was deemed appropriate and inappropriate regarding sleeping arrangements began changing in the 19th century. Homes became larger and families could have their own space. Although even to this day, it is mostly 'white America' that holds such strict and puritanical views on co-sleeping. Prior to this time all families co-slept. For most cultures the thought of not having your infant in bed with you or siblings all sharing a bed for comfort and closeness is abhorrent. They would look down on the parents who wouldn't allow this; feeling sorry for the children. So what caused this change?

The Puritans are all resting peacefully in their graves, why have their overly strict and ridiculous beliefs not been laid to rest with them? Religion plays a huge role in addition to the economic development of 'white America'. With larger homes families could spread out more. This wasn't for 'appropriateness' but simply as a social status. But along with this came a disconnection with the family unit. That once shared closeness faded into the past and seemed odd or uncomfortable to be in such close proximity to ones own family members. Nannies and wet nurses were employed to care for newborns and young children so mothers no longer had that bond with their children. Many faiths were already preaching of sin within our own bodies and certainly within our sexuality. Closeness to anyone of the opposite sex, regardless of age, was viewed as scandalous and sexual in nature, it made no difference if that was true or not.

Society and cultures have swayed back and forth over the past century on its overall view of family closeness and co-sleeping, and great strides have been made and will continue to be made. It's unfortunate that our own generation and that of our children have to deal with such absurdity but it's there - it must be dealt with. Parents in some states and providences actually have to keep it secret if they co-sleep out of fear of having their children removed from the home. Parents lose custody rights every day because of these out-dated and frankly, family destroying ideas.

Children with no knowledge of sex or sexuality yet make innocent gestures or 'play doctor' and parents freak out, convinced that their child has witnessed something inappropriate. Why does this have to be the immediate reaction? For arguments sake, what if they did see something? A couple kissing, a caress, a hug. Is that so wrong? Our bodies were designed to enjoy each other's closeness and sexuality. Or did the creator (creators/creatress - dependent on your belief system) make a mistake when human beings evolved into what we are today? Why create all of our erogenous zones if they weren't meant to be used for our enjoyment and pleasure? Adults have an annoying habit of over-sexualizing everything from children playing to cartoons. Have you ever watched one of your favorite childhood cartoons to realize as an adult that it's full of sexual innuendo's? As a child you had no idea about any of this, only as an adult do you see any of it - and cartoons are created by adults. So what does this say about our own sexual insecurities?

Children have to grow up so quickly. What do you want to be when you grow up? You need to learn to behave and follow the rules. Don't do that, don't say that, don't be that - do this, do that. It never ends for some children - why throw sex into the mix when they can barely spell their own names yet let alone tell you about sex and what it's for or how it should feel? Now, if they ask then it's time to sit down and tell them in an age appropriate way. By age appropriate, tell them in a way that is understandable for them. But if they aren't asking then there's no reason to go there. This does not mean however, that showing affection should be out-lawed in your home on the off chance that it will bring about questions. Questions are a good thing; at times uncomfortable for the parents, but a good thing overall.

By making the judgment that children of the opposite sex cannot co-sleep this also assumes the parents can judge their young pre-pubescent child's sexual orientation. So sisters can share a room or bed, brothers can share a room or bed; what happens if you discover one or both of your children are not heterosexual? Does this mean your children have been secretly having an incestuous relationship all this time? The answer to this question would be a very resounding NO. So if same sex is alright without knowing the sexual orientation of your children, how can children of the opposite sex be any different? Just because our culture has regularly ignored and/or ostracized anyone who openly admits to not being heterosexual does not give parents the right to assume the sexual preferences of their children. Nor does it give parents the right to assume their children are doing anything incestuous or perverted if they are of the opposite sex and sharing their sleeping space. Parents whose thoughts immediately go to something sexual or 'dirty' should try to figure out why they feel this way and do something about it. It isn't natural to feel this way about your children; if something has happened to you in the past it should be investigated and even psychologically evaluated.

Children only act out sexually if they are taught. If your children have not seen you having sex, have not watched sexually explicit television or porn, or been witness to anyone else's sexual interactions then it's safe to say your children are not doing anything inappropriate. Children experiment and investigate everything around them. It's what children do. It's how they learn. If something your child does appears sexual it most likely isn't. It's just innocent investigation. Children want to know the differences between mommy and daddy; they will at some point see you naked. They'll want to know why they look different. Sit down and explain human anatomy to them. There's nothing wrong with their questions, there's nothing sexual behind the questions, they're just questions.

We are all born with the need to be close to our loved ones. We cling to those that give us love and comfort. Our most vulnerable time is when we are asleep. It is only natural that you would want those close to you that give you the most security. These would be your parents; one reason why children usually don't go willingly to their own beds, and their siblings. How many times do parents put their children to bed only to find them all curled up together in the morning? More than you may think. These relationships and bonds are strong and should be nurtured, not forced apart because of some absurd belief system that should never have started in the first place. The first adult to put this belief out there into the minds of others should have had his/her head thoroughly examined and then promptly investigated for sexual abuse themselves. It takes a perverted mind to start something like this, and it continues to thrive in too many parents minds today because of generations of indoctrination. It's hard to stop, but it is possible.

The responsibility lays at the feet of parents. What happened or didn't happen in our own childhoods? Is there something there that led us into a sexually suppressive state of being? How did our parents act? Were we abused as children? What was our upbringing like? Take some time to think about this and make a decision that you will not continue this cycle with your own children. For some of us that may include therapy on more serious psychological issues. For others, just taking the time to think before reacting. Our responsibility is to care for our children in all ways. That includes the bond and closeness that our children feel towards us as their parents as well as their siblings. Our children have nothing to feel bad about, so don't give them any reason to think their closeness to you or their siblings is anything but family bond, love, comfort and security - whether in wakefulness and most assuredly in restfulness and sleep.

Resources:
http://www.incultureparent.com/2011/08/the-wests-strange-relationship-to-babies-and-sleep/
http://libaware.economads.com/sleepwithme.php

Posted on Examiner.com / November 19, 2013

Life Lessons that Speak the Truth Through the Ages

There have been teachers and visionaries from the past whose words continue to hold meaning regardless of when they where originally spoken. It can become increasingly difficult in a world when we are expected to do more in less time to keep these basic life lessons in the forefront of our daily lives. We can fall into the trap of feeling like we have no control of our lives. That others have the power to dictate our present and future. We rush around trying to do as much as possible, blaming others for the negativity we allow them to force upon us. We make excuses for why we don't take care of ourselves and why we can't do anything to turn our lives around. When our life isn't working we continue to do the same things over and over again but wonder why our circumstances don't change. It's time to stop this cycle and really listen to what these teachers have to offer.  

Gandhi was born in 1869 and led India into independence. He inspired national movements of freedom across the world. His techniques were non-violent civil disobedience. Gandhi was one of the great teachers in this world, practicing what he preached in his daily life. When asked to give a message to the people his response would be, "My life is my message".  

Within the evolution of our society, we have lost these principles. It's time to reclaim our lives and regain our balance. These ten words of wisdom are as true today as they where in Gandhi's time: 

Be the change. There are many changes that we may want in our lives, but how often do we recognize that we are the ones that must first change in order for change to happen? We must do away with the thoughts that say the outside world must change before we can. We must be ambassadors to our own change; and as you shall will it, so shall it become. Calm your minds, figure out exactly what changes you want, then begin changing yourself so that you become the change you want. This could happen in small baby steps or large strides, but the how's do not matter. Just do it. See it in your minds eye and become it. Visualize your change and feel it. One day you will wake up and realize your change has already happened. 

What you think you become. This is powerful. It goes back to the Law of Attraction. If you constantly think you're broke, you probably are. If you always believe that others are out to get you at work and sabotage your efforts, that is all you will see. Now this isn't to say that I can simply concentrate on having a million dollars in my bank account and then it will mysteriously appear without any effort on my part beyond visualization. No no. You need to go back to the first word of wisdom "Be the change". If you do not put any effort into what you wish to become, sitting around and waiting for the knock on the door will never happen. Our minds do not know reality from imaginary. So if you are constantly depressed and think you will accomplish nothing in life, you most likely won't. But if you have a positive outlook, think and feel that you can accomplish what you want, and actively be the change you want; nothing can stop you. The right people will appear in your life with the kinds of opportunities you need to further your goals. Attitude is everything. 

Where there is love there is life. Love truly is the key to everything. We need to come to a realization that it does not matter our sex, orientation, color, nationality or religious/spiritual beliefs. We are all connected by nature and nature is the purest form of love. We are all living beings with hearts and souls. We feel pain and heart ache, we feel love and sadness, we feel sorrow and empathy. We are one. Our differences are what make up the beauty of this world we live on. I wouldn't want a world where everyone was the same, that would be far too boring. Our world is like a beautiful quilt with billions of different patches and patterns, colors and designs; all sown together into this patchwork layer that blankets the earth. What more love and beauty could you hope for? So the next time someone lashes out, share some of your love with them because they are the ones that need it the most. Be the change you wish to see in others, and they will eventually follow. They won't be able to help themselves. 

Learn as if you'll live forever. We as human beings are in a constant state of learning, but many of us believe that once the degree is awarded that learning ceases and you know all there is to know. This is a fallacy that will come back to bite you. There is always something new to learn, in and out of the classroom. We are all in a constant state of growth and evolution, even though our bodies age and we eventually pass on to what ever comes next, that is no excuse to cut yourself off from the beauty of knowledge. Many cultures believe in an afterlife or rebirth; wouldn't you need as much knowledge as possible when you pass on to your next existence?  

Your health is your real wealth. Not how many hours you put into your work week, or how much money you have accumulated. Not how large a home you live in or how flashy a car you drive, none of these things show true wealth. Our emotional, physical and spiritual health are our real wealth indicators. You can have all the objects in the world, but be miserable. You can live in an impoverished community and be amazingly happy and content. It has everything to do with how you take care of yourself. If your emotional, physical and spiritual needs are met you can see everything else for what it is, just things. They may hold memories, but memories are ours forever even when the things no longer exist. Take care of yourself and all else will naturally fall into place. 

Have a sense of humor. Life is about joy and love. Mistakes can and will happen along the way. Hurts will come your way; they are all a part of the life experience in our journey through our evolution. We can learn far more from our mistakes and hurts than by our successes. Our mistakes and hurts will lead us to our success if we look and see them as stepping stones along the way. We never fail, we simply learn lessons so we can do things differently the next time. But in all of this, we must have a sense of humor about it. This will keep us from delving too deeply into the mistake or hurt, only causing more mistakes and hurts to come our way. We see them, learn from them, laugh at them, and move on to the next. 

Your life is your message. It's all fine to sit up on a high horse and preach these ideals, but to teach them and live them simultaneously is to be a true teacher of wisdom. To see life through those eyes is something I strive for each and every day. To see love in everything and everyone, to keep these ideals in my life each day, that to me would be true peace. There have been and continue to be too many men and women who preach and scream the words of God or some other prophet, or savior, or gods/goddesses but loose sight of everything in their own daily lives. They become contradictory to all they say they believe in. This is no life to live. Only once you can begin to live your message can you find the inner peace we as humans strive for so much. 

Action expresses priorities. You may say your child comes first, but work late and are never home for dinner all in the name of the almighty dollar. So your child suffers because they need to see you more often. You can't let go of the past hurts and work our your differences with your ex, so your ex is never allowed visitation because you feel it is in the best interest of your child. But your child suffers because they are unable to see both of their loving parents. Your actions express your priorities. In the first, money is more important than quality time. In the second, hurting your ex is more important than the emotional and psychological needs of the child. These people may make excuses to make themselves feel better about what they are doing, but their priorities are warped and unhealthy. In both cases the priority of both parents is probably to do what is right for their child, but their actions contradict everything they are telling themselves. And in both cases and innocent child suffers for it. Really think about your priorities from all points of view. Ask questions, get some advice, and really make the effort to put aside your personal hurts or mistakes and insure your actions are true to your priorities. Don't judge yourself, just learn from it and move forward in your journey. 

Our greatness is in being able to remake ourselves. It is never too late to change our thought process, our diet, our emotional, physical or spiritual health. The point is to learn from our mistakes and hurts. Stop blaming others for all that has been done or said. Take your power back, you are the only one who should be in control of your power. We must see these mistakes and hurts as lessons and challenges on our evolutionary journey. People and circumstances come into our lives to help us learn. Some people are meant to stay longer than others. So the next time you experience anything that isn't comfortable, that makes you upset, sad or angry, try to see what lesson you need to learn from this. How can you be the change so this won't happen again. Make the change, step by step, and remake yourself into the greatness you are meant to be. 

Find yourself in the service of others. You get what you give in this world, this is the natural law. We are meant to experience love and joy in our lives. We can have both by offering of ourselves to others. I'm not saying we all need to dig into our pockets and try to donate to every cause that comes to our door, but what else can you offer? Your time? Your lightly used goods that you'll never wear or use again? Can you carry a case of bottled water in your car and hand these out to the homeless you see asking for handouts along the roadside? Pay it forward. Make an extra sandwich and give it to a homeless person who you see all the time. Help when and where you can. This is the actions of a wise and great person. 

These words of wisdom, these ideals can be difficult to hold close to you when life's frustrations come knocking at your door. Work, kids, carpool, soccer practice, what to make for dinner tonight, someone cutting you off in traffic - the list can go on and on. Striving for these wisdoms doesn't mean that you get to a place where you never experience any of these frustrations and anger, but that you take a much different path in dealing with them. Take enough time to think before you react to situations. Make sure that the things you do in all aspects of your life are holding true to your ideals. If they're not, there's no need to beat yourself up. Just take a deep breath, rethink it, see how you can be the change for the future and move forward. Even the greatest and wisest of teachers had to learn these steps, even they messed up. It gets better over time. You just need to trust in yourself that no matter what obstacles stand in your way you will make it. Love yourself and everything else will fall into place. 

Published on Yahoo!Voices: http://voices.yahoo.com/life-lessons-speak-truth-through-ages-12227430.html

The Wisdom of Forgiveness and Your Health

Have you ever allowed another person's actions to dictate your emotions? Are you angry and bitter every time you think of someone who has wronged you? If so, you're human but also probably living a more stressful and unhealthy life than you need to be. The problem with allowing others to control our emotions is that we cannot control what others do. If someone doesn't live up to our standards and expectations we allow them to destroy our happiness. We think that they have to do something in order to allow us to move forward. This leads to resentment, bitterness and physical and mental health issues. Who wants to live this way? I know I didn't, but realized that that was exactly what I was doing in my first marriage.

It certainly did not happen over night, but it happened. One day I woke up and realized I had given all of my power away. My life was no longer my own. Well, that had to stop. It took time and help from a counselor to rebuild my confidence in myself and take control of my life and my emotions. My marriage didn't survive, but although I contributed my share of mistakes that eventually ended our marriage, so did my ex-husband. And I've come to realize that holding onto all of the lies and betrayals, the unanswered questions and hurts is a waste of time. It does nothing to change the past and only keeps me in that unhealthy place. I would still be allowing him to control my happiness.

I know I'll never get the answers I would like about how our marriage turned out the way it did, and that's okay. I don't require these answers to move forward, to live my life, to raise my son, to find love again, to be happy. I can move on in spite of my past. If you're in a similar place in your life here are a few things that can help you find a healthier path:

1) Talk to someone.
It's hard to let go of past hurts. It doesn't make you a weak person if you ask for help. Friends and family can often times only fuel your anger, having a third party who can give you realistic goals and objectives to help you through the situation can be invaluable.

2) Write it out .
Write it all down, uncensored and raw. Don't hold back. Say everything you wish you could say, ask all the questions, tell them off; what ever you feel like writing. And when you're done, burn it and let it go. Don't let someone else have your power, they're never worth it.

3) Forgive.
Not for them, but for yourself. Forgiveness doesn't mean that what the person did was okay, it means that you have it within yourself to move on and have a happy, healthy life.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool, but it does take time to get to that place. However, the more you practice forgiveness in your life the easier it becomes. I think we have been taught by society that forgiveness means it's alright. That who ever has hurt us can just get away with what they have done . The reality of the situation is that no one gets away with the wrongs and hurts they have perpetuated onto others. There are lessons to be learned and if the other person continues in their negative behavior they will only attract this negativity back into their lives. So find peace in letting go of the hurt and forgiving in order to continue on your own path.

Published by Yahoo!Voices: http://voices.yahoo.com/the-wisdom-forgiveness-health-12220600.html

Guilty until proven innocent...

I am being censored; guilty until proven innocent. Because of this I have had to remove all personal writings from my blogs and other social media. This is extremely unfortunate and absurd in my opinion that if I have a difficult day, and rather than take it out on those around me, I chose to use writing as a therapeutic form of venting and releasing my frustrations and feelings, I will now have this used against me as if I were some oddity or freak of nature. Because no one else on this planet ever has a bad day, no one else ever has events occur in their lives that makes them feel depressed or angry. So this is what it comes down to. Only my professional writing will appear on my blog from this point forward. There are some people in the world who truly need to grow up and take a hefty dose of reality. Rather than looking for a reason to hate others and cause pain, why not attempt some empathy for once...

Keeping the faith with chronic pain

When diagnosed with a chronic illness a piece of you begins to shrivel and die. How could this be, why is this happening to me? Our faith in ourselves and our gods are shaken to the core. We can find ourselves spirally into depression and anxiety. We can't breathe. Anger is an easy emotion to turn to. Why has the Goddess turned Her back on me? What have I done to deserve this kind of karmic backlash?

You struggle to find the right doctors and specialists, the right treatment program, educating yourself, friends and family; not to mention the fight for benefits and whether you'll be able to continue to work. This alone could drive the strongest and healthiest of individuals into depression and absolute frustration. You need to have an advocate to turn to, to put your faith in. That's when we turn to our alter, light a candle, and ask the impossible question; why me?

If living in my pagan path has taught me nothing else, it is that we are given these challenges because we are strong enough. And there is a valuable lesson to be gleaned from it all. I can say with absolute certainty, from my own personal experience, that we don't feel strong enough in the beginning. Anything but. It takes time. For many, we have to grieve and mourn the lose of our former selves. Ritual and meditation is a wonderful place to start.

Meditate on who you saw yourself before - then on who you are in the present moment. Mentally light the fire on the pyre of your dead self, send her/him to the Lady. Then right down everything that has and will be changing in your life. How it makes you feel. What you plan to do about them. What you'd like to do about them. Cry. Scream at this paper; this symbol of what was. Then burn it. Watch it as the paper curls and blackens, flaking off to be carried away on a breeze. Watch the smoke rise steadily upwards to the gods. They hear you. They see you. Now take three long, cleansing breaths and just let yourself feel your body for a moment. It's much more difficult than you first think it is.

Sit with your pain. Feel it. And slowly, with time you can begin to accept it. This ritual can be done multiple times and for multiple reasons. Keep doing it as often as you need, but make a point to practice your deep breathing and let your self sit and feel your pain on a regular basis. Light candles and incense, cast your circle, invite the quarters, God/Goddess, and any other positive energies you wish. This takes time and can be painful in the beginning. Let the God/Goddess be with you during this time. Feel their energy holding you up and supporting you during this process. You would not have been given this challenge if you were not strong enough for it.

Buddhists call it Radical Acceptance. Well, I'll tell you that the first time my therapist suggested this to me, I thought maybe she was the one who had lost her mind. Maybe we should switch places and have a little chat about this. But, the more she explained it, the more sense it finally started to make for me. This "sitting with your pain and accepting it", has nothing to do with giving up. You feel your pain, and you accept that in this moment in time, this is simply how it is. Nothing more, nothing less. You accept that your doctors have diagnosed you, you are working on a treatment plan which you will follow through implicitly, and that you will continue to look, to research, to speak to your doctors about your health on a more regular basis. As aptly put by Tara Brach in her article, The Power of Radical Acceptance: Healing Trauma though the Integration of Buddhist Meditation and Psychotherapy, "which means clearly recognizing what we are feeling in the present moment and regarding that experience with compassion. I see over and over that Radical Acceptance is the gateway to healing wounds and spiritual transformation. When we can meet our experience with Radical Acceptance, we discover the wholeness, wisdom and love that are our deepest nature."

My diagnosis was a blessing of sorts. I cannot say that I'm completely accepting of my current life, because I struggle with these concepts every day, but with this health challenge I have been able to spend more time on myself and my health. I'm there for my son in ways that I couldn't be while I was working full time. Don't get me wrong, I loved my career, but this has changed my priorities. Made me take a long, hard look at what I really want to do. Writing, art, photography; these are the things I've been wanting to do but have always pushed them aside because I never made time for them. Now may be the time to stop pushing them away and embrace them as I work towards my own radical acceptance. Discover my wholeness, regard myself with love and compassion. Allow myself the opportunity to fully embrace my gods and what they have to teach me. There is a lesson to be learned within chronic illness, and each of us have been given the opportunity to find it, embrace it, and find a deeper connection with our chosen gods. I wish all of  you the brightest of blessings in your journey with chronic illness.

Caleen Martin


Radical Acceptance Article Refrences
http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/trauma.html
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/real-healing/201101/radical-acceptance

Feeling your purpose

It's hard to not have a rough morning when you suffer from chronic pain. Every second is a trial and testament to our courage and strength to continue. But I can see the lose in so many, hear it in their words, see it in their eyes. I see it in my own mirror. It's heart wrenching to think that my life comes down to this. I had a really great career that I loved. I'm really good at what I do and I was going places. My son and I were really starting to connect and have fun together. My side hobby was dancing. I performed professionally in a tribal bellydance troupe throughout the state. I loved it. I was active, strong, organized. I knew what I wanted and how I was going to reach my goals. But things changed. I gained weight uncontrollably that the doctors couldn't explain. Then chronic fatigue hit and I slowly had to let go of all my physical activities and officially leave my troupe. The migraines became worse. They had been there on and off since highschool. Then insomnia and finally, the pain started. Just in my back at first. So I decided to get regular massages. They didn't help, in fact, my pain kept increasing. My next step was a chiropractor. She put me on a regimen of chiropractic work, massage, acupuncture, physical therapy and using a tens unit. It sounded like a good plan to me, but the pain continued to increase until no one could even touch me. So I went to my doctor who immediately gave my narcotic pain killers. That didn't end well, and I found a new doctor.

Now, after trying every non-narcotic pain medication there is out there I'm on two different ones that help 'a little bit'. But my doctor is out of options. I've seen all the specialists, they all agree on the treatments I've received thus far. But now I'm back to square one. I'm going to look for a pain specialist and see if there are other options available. Do we simply have to deal with taking stronger medications that will cause addictions? I'm at a lose. I'd like to try acupuncture again. I'm also trying Ayurveda herbs (Ashwagandha in particular) and looking more into trying gluten free again. I'm really not sure I have a lot of options left to me, but I'll never stop looking.

My story seems to mimic so many. Gone through multiple doctors, been thoroughly used as a guinea pig for every medication known to man. And you're still waiting for that pill, that exercise, that stimulant that, may not totally take away the pain, but definitely decrease it to a more manageable level.

I see the lose, but I also see determination in the creased brows and firm lips, the pinched checks, and exclamations of hope. Every day we wake up, every day we take one more step closer to finding our answers to our conditions. This is a war we are all fighting, for many it is a very long war. But we must remember that a war cannot be won in a day. We must take on each battle as they come our way. Eventually, eventually there will be an end for each of us. Better medications, supplements, homeopathy, doctors, research, therapies...something. It could be different for each of us, but we'll all get there. We have to, because we're here for a reason, and that reason is NOT to live in constant pain and watch our lives fall apart around us. No god would ever condone such a life sentence. We are meant to find our answers to this so we can live productive lives. So we can feel our purpose.

I know all to well how impossible it seems to keep fighting when depression and anxiety reaches its gnarled hands up from the depths of the earth and grab ahold of you. It feels like the world is no longer a place you want to be. You question how you can keep doing this, day after day, with no relief. You question whether you are more of a burden to your family and if they would be better off without you. But I've found that these things aren't me, they're just the depression trying to use me as some kind of puppet to spew its filth and vile hatred. And yes, we have all succumbed to it at times. But eventually we have each crawled out of that hole and back into the light again. For our partners, for our children, for our family, for our jobs, for our friends. We fight our way back because they do need us.

This isn't an easy journey. But its a journey that has already proven how remarkably strong we all are, or we wouldn't be here right now. Our strength lies in our courage to wake up each day and keep going, to try again. And every day we get a little closer to the end. We may not see it until we're literally on top of it, but its coming. So the next time we wake up and know from the start that its going to be a rough morning/day, just take a minute to slow down, close your eyes and place your hand over your heart. Feel it. It keeps beating. That's your purpose. Feel it. Be it. Never give up hope. Brightest Blessings!

Mourning your lost life...becoming a survivor

When sat down by a doctor and explained that you have an incurable medical condition that could become completely debilitating to you, cause you daily pain, and change every aspect of your life. You die. Your physical life has died, your career has died, your ability to care for your family has died, your ability to enjoy the intimacy between yourself and your partner, has died. But your lungs still breath air, your heart still pumps, and you must create a completely new life in spite of your medical conditions. If you're lucky you have a good medical team to assist you with changes regarding your health and what you need to do to really take care of yourself, but many of us don't get that. And the fight begins, to find the right doctors, therapists, friends and family to make up our new support system.

This journey into this new, strange and painful life is fraught with challenges. Trying to get our friends and family to understand what we are going through; and trying to understand it ourselves. Trying to find doctors who will help us. Trying to work, take care of a home, be there for our family, still be a friend, hobbies, interests...and lets try to do all of this while your body is literally spiraling out of control. This journey isn't easy, depression and anxieties set in. We turn in on ourselves. We stop doing all the things we used to love. We turn away from those who care about us and need us. Our pain grows. Each day is filled with challenges that we can't understand, we are tired of facing, and we just want it to stop. We lose everything from our old lives. We need to mourn our old self. That person no longer exists, and that person isn't going to come back. That person died the moment the symptoms started to affect your daily life.

You need a way to mourn the lose of that person you used to be. Psychologists say there are steps in the grieving process. There are no rules to grief, no steps or stages except our personal journeys which are unique to only ourselves. It will take us as long as it takes us. But at some point we need to let go. We need to live in the present and leave the past where it is...in the past. Perform a memorial service for your old self, set up an alter, write a letter of everything you feel about your old self - and burn it. Give yourself permission to scream and cry; gut wrenching and messy. Do it, do something, just do it.

There has to be a life waiting for each of us after fibro. I honestly believe that the challenges and trials we face in our lives are for a reason. There is something that we must do. Research and find the perfect doctor, reach out to others, set up an organization that helps fundraise for research, work on education of the public or maybe just your friends or family. It doesn't necessarily have to reach a large nationwide audience, but there has to be something. We never know how we are going to really affect those that come into our lives through blood or choice.

We need to embrace our new normality. Stop being afraid to ask for help. And be grateful for each and every little thing we have in our lives because there is always someone out there who has it worse. We are blessed for all of the things we have in our lives; we need to concentrate on those. Meditate on them. Find what you need to help put your body in a state of peace: cold/hot packs, aromatherapy, water therapy, acupuncture, medications, music, yoga, meditation, deep breathing. The options are truly limitless, we just need to find what fits us. What works for us.

We cannot allow fibromyalgia to become our identity. We are so much more than that. Its just one piece of our puzzle. Yes, we suffer from fibro, but we are also parents, children, grandchildren, partners, lovers, friends, co-workers, educators...fibro is not the end all, be all of our existence. We cannot let fibromyalgia run us over and take our lives away from us, we are not the victim of fibro...we are the survivors of fibro. We need to remember this. Every day that we wake in the morning, put a note on your nightstand or on the bathroom mirror so you'll see it first thing in the morning. I am a survivor!

This journey into this new, strange and painful life is fraught with challenges. Trying to get our friends and family to understand what we are going through; and trying to understand it ourselves. Trying to find doctors who will help us. Trying to work, take care of a home, be there for our family, still be a friend, hobbies, interests...and lets try to do all of this while your body is literally spiraling out of control. This journey isn't easy, depression and anxieties set in. We turn in on ourselves. We stop doing all the things we used to love. We turn away from those who care about us and need us. Our pain grows. Each day is filled with challenges that we can't understand, we are tired of facing, and we just want it to stop. We lose everything from our old lives. We need to mourn our old self. That person no longer exists, and that person isn't going to come back. That person died the moment the symptoms started to affect your daily life.

You need a way to mourn the lose of that person you used to be. Psychologists say there are steps in the grieving process. There are no rules to grief, no steps or stages except our personal journeys which are unique to only ourselves. It will take us as long as it takes us. But at some point we need to let go. We need to live in the present and leave the past where it is...in the past. Perform a memorial service for your old self, set up an alter, write a letter of everything you feel about your old self - and burn it. Give yourself permission to scream and cry; gut wrenching and messy. Do it, do something, just do it.

There has to be a life waiting for each of us after fibro. I honestly believe that the challenges and trials we face in our lives are for a reason. There is something that we must do. Research and find the perfect doctor, reach out to others, set up an organization that helps fundraise for research, work on education of the public or maybe just your friends or family. It doesn't necessarily have to reach a large nationwide audience, but there has to be something. We never know how we are going to really affect those that come into our lives through blood or choice.

We need to embrace our new normality. Stop being afraid to ask for help. And be grateful for each and every little thing we have in our lives because there is always someone out there who has it worse. We are blessed for all of the things we have in our lives; we need to concentrate on those. Meditate on them. Find what you need to help put your body in a state of peace: cold/hot packs, aromatherapy, water therapy, acupuncture, medications, music, yoga, meditation, deep breathing. The options are truly limitless, we just need to find what fits us. What works for us.

We cannot allow fibromyalgia to become our identity. We are so much more than that. Its just one piece of our puzzle. Yes, we suffer from fibro, but we are also parents, children, grandchildren, partners, lovers, friends, co-workers, educators...fibro is not the end all, be all of our existence. We cannot let fibromyalgia run us over and take our lives away from us, we are not the victim of fibro...we are the survivors of fibro. We need to remember this. Every day that we wake in the morning, put a note on your nightstand or on the bathroom mirror so you'll see it first thing in the morning. I am a survivor!

Demon possession...are you serious?

Why do so many people who otherwise seem perfectly intelligent believe in demon possession? I watched a show the other night called Beyond Belief. They were discussing demons as if that was the answer to all of the problems in the world. Apparently, according to those interviewed, certain habits such as drugs and drinking open the door for Satan and his demons to run amuck from within the afflicted person. One, who is actually a famous singer in a heavy metal band, actually believes that certain mantra meditations opens the doors for demons. Really? Can you possibly be more absurd? And of course he also grouped black magic and witchcraft into the same category. It's fairly obvious that these people just don't have a clue. Wake up and join the twenty first century! We are not living in the times of the Puritans when everything bad in the world can be blamed on curses, demons, and witchcraft. We should be smarter than this...

They also interviewed a Pastor who claims to cast demons out of his parishioners every Sunday. These people calmly attend their Sunday service, and towards the end, begin writhing on the floor, screaming obscenities and incoherent babble, and vomit in paper bags to "expel the demons" that are obviously taken up residence within them. I'm sorry, but are you kidding? The fact that people honestly believe that demons are the cause of their woes is astonishing to me.

Has no one considered taking any responsibility for their own lives? Lets not take action to make any positive changes in your life, just blame it all on Satan and his minions. They've been an easy scapegoat for centuries. And why is it, that every time the absurd belief in demons, curses, and evil appear, the Catholic Church is never far behind? Not that I don't believe in evil. I do believe that there are people in this world who are inherently evil. Something is just so wrong with their makeup and brain, that they embody all that is horrible and evil. But those are individuals who are mentally disturbed, not possessed.

Curses have certainly been around for ages, but they only seem to hold any real power if the one supposedly being cursed believes in them. And demons, well, I'm just not convinced. Every living thing on this planet and beyond has a life essence which can affect the world. Our emotions and actions to those emotions can make major changes in our realities...for good or bad. But I don't think demons exist, only our own emotions and wills taking shape in our lives. Restless souls and energies may occasionally go bump in the night, but demons are not the answer.

And what's even more extraordinary is that those who really do believe in the load of bull actually experience a level of positive change in their lives, or at least that's what they say publicly. Talk about the power of belief in action. But I can't see that this is a healthy way to deal with your issues. These people are living in a delusional world where they blame outside forces. You can't make positive changes in your life through blame, but rather by taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions. Eventually this way of living and dealing with life is going to backfire on these people, and then all hell is really going to break loose.

My advice for the demon afflicted...stop blaming and start looking within yourself for healthy positive change. Eat well, exercise, get regular check-ups, and get a therapist! Living in a delusional demon world will only fracture your psyche, and those who believe in this absurd junk are already a bit cracked as it is.

Is god a bigot?

I've studied different religions for years and one belief always confounds me, regardless of the specific faith, that god has only one "true" path. I don't personally understand it. Individuals have been recorded in history as having enlightened religious experiences from literally every faith in existence; whether it appeared as a dream, vision, near death experience, the voice of "God", you name it, someone has claimed to have experienced it. So how can there be only one way, one path, one face, one gender, one name when so many from so many belief systems have had such life changing experiences?

I look at the words used to describe "God" and can only think that this isn't a god I want anything to do with. Jealous, vengeful, but also loving and kind? If I were to describe a human being like that they'd be considered abusive and in need of serious psychological evaluation and treatment. And where do we get this character description? From religious texts written by other human beings long since dead, and hundreds of years after supposed events occurred.

We have learned that any text that has survived throughout history was written by the "winners". We never get to hear the stories of those who didn't win the war. So why is it that so many people can take the words written in religious texts as absolute truth? We know nothing about these individuals except what we've found. I'm certainly not saying that the authors of religious texts are all lying, but we need to realize that regardless of the intention all humans have individual feelings, opinions, and personal agendas which are always reflected in our writing. It makes no difference if the words are in a blog or religious book, they are only an individuals interpretation and personal beliefs.

I can't believe for a second that the amount of death and destruction that has been wrought by human beings in their attempt to forcibly convince the world that there way is the only way is what any Divine creator would want. We always hear the phrase "look at the larger picture", well, religion needs to do the same. Is it so inconceivable that god foresaw that humans would be amazingly diverse? That we would have so many beautiful and varied cultures and beliefs that one faith simply won't fit everyone? And that god created all religions, so that in our diversity we could find the path that truly spoke to our individual hearts and souls?

All belief systems hold a set of basic beliefs and "rules" to live by, and if one looks closely we will see that they all say the same things; treat others as you would be treated. This sentiment is put in numerous ways, but it really all comes down to this. Over the years humans have added some more colorful and unusual rules like what kind of food to eat/drink, type of clothes to wear, how and where to communicate with god and so on, but I believe all of these where just others who wanted to force their own opinions over those of their faith. We see it all the time, power hungry individuals who will say or do anything to get others to do as they say. It happens today, and it happened hundreds of years ago.

We all need to stop viewing religion as a one way street, but a beautiful map with numerous paths all leading us to our creator. Forcing your personal beliefs down the throats of others will never work, and trying to convince the world that "God" can only by found one way only shows that we have a long way to go to overcome such religious bigotry. Humans can be racist and a bigot, but god never was and never will be.