Only the Positive May Enter...All Else is Locked Out

For my followers on my Fibro Survivors United Facebook page, you all may have noticed that I do not post any of the hundreds of pictures and comments that reflect our pain, frustration, depression and fears. It is extremely difficult to do; allow only the positive to enter your life, to enter your mind. We are trained early on to always seek perfection, a better way. As we get older this turns into criticism of ourselves and others until all that is left is the negativity. War, hate, fear, self-loathing, lack of confidence and self-esteem.

Toss on top of this ever burdening load an invisible illness that causes chronic widespread pain throughout your entire body. Family and friends do not understand, doctors think you're faking, even conspiring to get ahold of the 'good' drugs for no other reason than to get high. You must fight to stay employed or fight for disability. We do deal with pain, anxiety, depression, insomnia, weight gain, migraines, loss, fear of the future. But what has concentrating on, talking about, and worrying about the negative aspects of my life ever gotten me but more of it?

It is a tough decision to decide that I will no longer allow all of the negative to walk through my door. I want to scream and yell at times to make others really see and hear my pain, but what would that accomplish? Their pity? If I cannot have an adult discussion on my diagnosis with them, and have them understand - is it worth it to keep fighting to try and force them to see me? The answer I finally came to - NO.

I have been reading and studying on the principles of the Law of Attraction. I have experimented with it. On small things that I would like...to test it. Everything I have put out into the Universe has come to me...as long as I only see the positive, and let it go. The principles are a bit trickier than that...but that is the jest of it. So there is something to all of it. It does work. Others say they have healed themselves through this process - doctors have called it a medical miracle. So what will it hurt to try?

My decision has led me to make some changes. I do not pay much attention to the news. Pain and hate is what sells and it is what the media likes to cram down all of our throats. So I say - no more. I no longer write about (complain about) my pain, frustrations, anger, etc. in my blogs or on my Facebook page, to my friends or my family. I no longer comment on or share any images or words that concentrate on the negative aspects of chronic pain. I only look for the positive information to share with myself and my readers.

This doesn't mean that all the ickyness of Fibro has vanished from my life in a magical poof of smoke and fairy dust (that would be very cool though), but I'm making progress. I try very hard (and I mean VERY hard) to stay on course. I meditate, do deep breathing, take long hot showers and Epson salt baths. I do yoga and get outside each day. I read fun books. I watch shows I like and keep my spirits up. And I write. I do not (try not) to discuss all the bad and icky of what I go through each and every day because the more concentration and time I put into the negative - according to the LOA - the more of it I will attract into my life.

I take my meds and see my doctors - I do not listen to them when they say I must accept my pain and that it will be with me for the rest of my life. What do they really know? Not much in the area of fibro...we've all found that out. So why listen to that? I choose not to. I research various methods, tips and tricks for helping and give them all a try. Some help, some don't. I'm trying to go with what works and just let all the rest go. It doesn't deserve my time and attention.

The negative people who have tried to stay in my life...no more. I am selfish because I love myself and I know better than any one else on this planet that I deserve happiness and joy. I deserve to feel good. I deserve a good nights sleep. I deserve anything and everything that I want for myself - and absolutely no one, no matter your level of education and how many initials you can place after your name, is going to be able to convince me of anything else!

So, I pass on all the images and sayings that increase my thoughts of pain and anything else negative in favor of the positive. Some days are easier than others, but I'm going to keep trying. I'm not going to beat myself up for forgetting this or that, or misplacing something or not meeting everyone else's expectations. I'm not going to let others have the control over me that they have had in the past - they cannot make me feel inferior or insignificant because of their own ignorance. I know exactly what I deal with each day and I don't need to discuss it at length with anyone except to update my doctor and keep my husband and kids updated on what my day is going to be (ie: I can do more today than yesterday...I need to take it easy today). I let my family and doctor know what I need without the complaining, crying, yelling and anger (ok, ok...I try VERY hard to do this).

Some might think this idea is stupid, ineffective or as one reader put it - to placate, but it gave her a really good laugh. We all have the right to our opinions but I've seen the difference a positive attitude and positive atmosphere have on a not very positive situation. There is just too much evidence that says there is something behind these principles to brush it aside. I do feel better on the days I'm able to stay more positive, and worse on my negative depressing days.

So this is what I'm doing, and this is why you won't find any negative imagery on my sites. I'll keep everyone posted on my progress.

♥ Gentle Hugs ♥

Best Ways of Dealing with a Sleep Disorder: Learning How to Cope

Published on Yahoo!Voices / August 7, 2013

If you can't seem to get to sleep at night, thoughts won't stop racing through your head or you can't stay asleep if you do finally fall asleep; you are probably dealing with a sleep disorder. This goes beyond the occasional inability to get a good nights sleep. This can go on for days, weeks, months, even years. I should know, I've been dealing with a sleep disorder for the past 3 years. But there is hope, and there are ways of helping yourself get back to your normal sleep routine. Here are some of the best ways I've found for dealing with a sleep disorder.
See your doctor. If it's been a couple of weeks and your sleeplessness is not letting up, go see your doctor. It many cases a sleep disorder is an underlying symptom of another more serious condition. For me, it turned into a chronic pain condition which took nearly 4 years to accurately diagnose. There may be medications that can help immediately (prescription and over-the-counter). Have an open and honest conversation about what is going on in your life so your doctor can get you on the right path.

Consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT is not your typical therapy. If there are other stressors or health issues going on, a therapist trained in CBT can help walk you through the steps you can actively take to learn to deal with what is going on. Help you learn to deal with your stress in a more positive way, and accept your own limitations without feeling like you're failing in some part of your life.

Be an active participant in your own healthcare. This is a big one. You can't just stand on the sidelines and let a doctor do everything for you. You MUST take an active role here. There are things you can do every day to help yourself in learning to deal with your sleep disorder:

1. Eat a healthy diet and get plenty of exercise. Discuss with your doctor or a nutritionist on the best plan for you.
2. Stick to the same schedule every day. Get up at the same time (even on weekends) and go to bed at the same time. The worst thing we can do for ourselves when dealing with a sleep disorder is constantly changing our internal clocks.
3. Have an evening bed time routine. Have a cool down period before bed, drink a cup of warm chamomile tea, take a leisurely walk, meditate. Just something that is going to allow you to let go of your day and calm your mind and body.

If you follow these steps you will most likely see a significant change in your sleep disorder. Even if this is a symptom of a larger issue, as is my situation, you will be taking steps to actively improve your overall health both physically and mentally. It may be a long-term plan, but every little step you take will help get you onto the path of health.

Published on Yahoo!Voices / August 7, 2013 

The Invisible Disease: Best Tips for Surviving Fibromyalgia

Posted on Yahoo!Voices.com

Having a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia can feel like a death sentence. Your doctor informs you that you have an invisible disease which causes debilitating pain throughout your body. You may lose your job, have to fight for benefits. You have to deal with doctors who think you're lying about your condition and symptoms and become a guinea pig in order to find the most effective medications and therapies. You'll deal with depression, insomnia, anxiety, extreme fatigue and pain. Then, as if that wasn't enough, you have to deal with the loss of family and friends who can't understand. Friends drift away, family stops calling. You feel empty and utterly alone. How can you be expected to deal with all of this?

That is how I've felt while dealing with my diagnosis. It's been six years of struggle. Doctors and specialists, tests and medications; being told that nothing is wrong with me and knowing that something definitely is wrong. You have doctors and therapists telling you that you need to accept the fact that you will experience pain for the rest of your life. What? Accept the pain. Why yes, I'm so excited to have to feel like I'm burning from the inside out. To feel spasms and shooting pain run through various parts of my body; I'm on board. Let's just accept it and curl up in a hole right now. I've been told by one pain specialist that, "well at least Fibromyalgia isn't life threatening". Really? What could be a worse threat to my life? Pain, depression, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, migraines, weight gain; not being able to work, play with my son, take care of my home.

But what if there were a way of reaching acceptance? Not necessarily as the doctors have tried unsuccessfully to explain it, but a way of accepting a new life. A way of surviving the diagnosis rather than being a victim of the condition. That could change everything. It starts with how we see ourselves, what we tell ourselves each day.

Attitude is everything. One of the most important things I've learned during this journey is that if I feel like a sick person, I'll have horribly painful days. If I feel like a healthy, energetic person, I have better days . Dealing with a chronic illness can be devastating or it can teach us how to better care for ourselves. Sickness of any kind is our bodies inner alert system telling us that we need to pay attention and care for ourselves. This is the time to be selfish without guilt. This is the time to be vigilant; an active participant in our health. Keep researching, find support groups, interview as many doctors as it takes to find the one who will work with you on the best treatment plan. Look at alternative and non-traditional therapies like massage, acupuncture and osteopathic manipulative treatment.

Stress reduction is a must. Dealing with doctors and medications, trying to work (or coming to the conclusion that you can no longer work), trying to explain your condition to family and friends, fighting for benefits so you can take care of yourself physically and financially and just trying to get out of bed each day to continue the struggle can and often does overwhelm us into a deep depression and anxiety . There are things we can do to help reduce our stress levels:

• Find a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). A CBT therapist helps us find the best approaches to dealing with our current situations. It goes farther than just talk therapy. You may be given writing assignments or asked to do certain meditations or physical therapies as part of your treatment.
  
  
• Find what makes you happy. Get a collection of books or magazines that you really enjoy, gather together as many happy, funny, feel good movies you can and have them ready for the times when you need them. Start collecting pictures of things or places that make you feel good and put them into an album or vision board. Play your favorite music. Light candles, soak in the tub, breath deeply. Start a gratitude list. There are so many things to be grateful for even when we are in a challenging time of our lives. Concentrate on those each day. And most importantly - stay away from what makes you angry or upset. If hearing the news upsets you, stop watching it. If your home is cluttered and a mess because you've been unable to clean, see if a friend or family member can help you or call a maid service to come in once a month. Get rid of the clutter and unnecessary in your life.
  
  
• Reevaluate your relationships. This is a toughie, but vital to your health. Do you have friends or family that no matter how hard you try to explain what is going on with you, they just cannot understand or be sympathetic? Maybe you need to let go of those individuals or at the very least put boundaries and limitations on the relationship. If you're having a good day, fine but if you're having a bad day you need to keep them away from you. Let them know that today is a 'me' day and you'll get back to them when you can (then, and this is the most important part, hang up the phone ). If it's a spouse or child, take them to your doctors appointments, have them sit in on a therapy session, reach out to your support groups for help in educating them. You need them on your side and they need to know that you are not just being lazy. This is real, this is painful and this is a struggle for you each and every day even if they can't see it.
  
  
• Meditate every day. Meditate, pray, get lost in a beautiful piece of music or art. Do what ever it takes to quiet you mind and find peace within yourself. Our minds are amazing things and they can change our very existence . We've all heard of the placebo effect. We're given a pill and told that it will make 'this' happen. When it happens we go back to the doctor and tell them how great this pill is and they tell us, that's great but we only gave you a sugar pill. The pill did nothing to help our bodies, our minds did. Being able to tap into that power that we all hold within ourselves is what will change our health around.
  

Stop concentrating on the pain and start concentrating on our health. We must be able to surrender our old limiting and negative beliefs. Find one part of your body that doesn't hurt that day and meditate on that. Image yourself being and doing the things you want right now. See it and eventually you'll start to feel it and feeling it before it has happened physically is the key to manifesting miracles in our lives.

The steps listed above will give you the ability to handle the stress of doctors and medications, working and benefits. The point is to keep yourself in a good feeling place and not a negative, self-defeating place. It may not happen overnight, but maybe it will. The time it takes to change your health around from fighting a diagnosis to surviving is completely up to you. Our beliefs and thoughts manifest the feelings we have and by changing those we change our physical reality. I'm a huge believer in the Law of Attraction and the belief that what we think and feel we create. I have every intention of creating my health and not my disease. Call it God, call it Source, call it what ever you want. But what ever it is, I'm doing it - what about you?

Quick reference list of doctors you may want to consider seeing if you have or think you may have Fibromyalgia:

Primary Care Physician / Rheumatologist / Neurologist / Osteopath Doctor / Physical Therapist / Nutritionist / Acupuncturist / Massage Therapist / Chiropractor

If you are looking for a place to start finding the resources you'll need to reclaim control of your health, visit Fibro Survivors United.

I wish you all continued peace and health on your journey with Fibromyalgia.

Posted on Yahoo!: http://voices.yahoo.com/the-invisible-disease-best-tips-surviving-fibromyalgia-12288481.html?cat=5

Showing our Anger in Front of our Children

Have you ever watched a parent rant and rage about something in front of their child? Heard them yell at someone else in front of their children? Or perhaps been guilty of this act yourself? We're all human and slipping into this kind of unhealthy behavior can happen. 

The question is what does this do to our children and what do we do about it. 

First, we need to realize that it is alright to feel the need to release our anger at someone or something that has happened. The choice we all have is how we go about it. Some of us may write, or exercise or talk to someone about the issue. Preferably a counselor who can give you tips for healthy release of your angry feelings. Talking to friends or family in order to vent can actually increase your angry feelings because they will tend to agree with you and further foster your anger. This will not help. 

Next, we need to acknowledge that we've made a mistake in venting in front of our children. Just like we do with other adults - we need to apologize and make amends. Many parents may not realize or feel that they need to apologize to their children, but we do. If we make a mistake it is important that we let our children know that we were the ones that made the mistake, apologize and make amends. It is no different than if you struck your child. Emotional scares can be far worse than physical ones, and expressing your anger in front of your children is nothing more than a form of child abuse. And if it continues you may be facing the authorities for your actions, so do something about it today before it gets so out of control you can't find a way out.  

Children will internalize the anger we show them. This will tend to surface by out of control behavior from our children. We show them how to act. If we are constantly angry in front of them, they will mimic that behavior.  Screaming, yelling, throwing tantrums and being mean are all signs that you've taught your child to handle their anger and frustration in an unhealthy way. Parents never like to be told this, but it's important to realize that if these are the problems your child is having then they are trying to express their anger, frustration and fears in the only way they have been taught. 

It's our job as the parent to correct our mistakes. So what do we do? 

Sit our child down and explain ourselves. They certainly do not need to details of exactly what we are angry about, but we do need to make sure they know that we were in the wrong by expressing our anger in front of them. We were angry or sad and never should have said/done... (fill in the blank) in front of them. Then apologize. Let them know how sorry you are for what happened, that you will work very hard to never do that again. If they want to know why you were angry make sure you explain that it had nothing to do with them. Be general. Kids do not need to know our adult issues. If it has to do with a relationship with another person or situation that has changed or ended - just let them know that you are sad/angry/frustrated that the relationship/situation has changed. They do not need to be involved with the details, but it is okay to let your children know that you're angry or sad about something. It will make it easier for them to come to you with their anger and frustrations instead of acting out in the moment. 

Then give it some time. Keep reinforcing that your child can talk to you about what is bothering them when they start acting out of control. Don't immediately scold or discipline them until you can get to the root of why they are feeling so out of control. Most of the time we'll find that our children just need to talk something out. Show them how to use their words to express themselves and not lose total control. Even if it is a painful issue that we are dealing with ourselves, we are the adult in this situation. Our job as parents is to teach our children in a loving and positive way even in times when we feel lost and out of control.  

Do your best to keep your anger in check. If that means seeing a counselor or other professional to give you advice, do it. Don't think you have to do this alone. If there is help available, take advantage of that help. Allowing our anger to fester and grow keeps us from moving through the issue. We hurt ourselves and we hurt our children by doing this. And again, venting to family and friends may seem to help in the moment but will keep you in the middle of the anger. You can't move through it if you keep talking about it to those who will just jump into the fray with you. Of course they mean well, but keeping yourself in the anger doesn't help anyone. We need to process and move on. This is what we want for our children, and the best way to show our children is through our actions.  

We've all been there. We have all had things happen in our lives that hurt, but we are the only ones responsible for how we react. The other people involved didn't force you to explode in front of your children, you did that all on your own. But it can be fixed. We only want love and joy in our children's lives. There will be hurts and challenges that our children will need to face no matter how much we wish differently. Our job is to prepare them so they can face these challenges in a healthy way. Not only will we be teaching our children, but we'll be teaching ourselves a better way of life. Our bond with our children will prove it. 

Published on Examiner.com: http://www.examiner.com/article/showing-our-anger-front-of-our-children

Bad parenting habits: how to break them before they break you

The not so positive habits that can be formed formed over the years of motherhood are plenty; but one of the worst infractions in parenting habits would fall into the category of 'giving in too easily'. Toys, food, play time, bed time; sometimes its just so much easier to let them have their way. That is, in the short term. Long term however, your little habit may have helped to create a little monster.

We love our children dearly, we want them to want for nothing. And we hate to punish our little monsters, but as the years have gone by and their little personalities have grown and begun to shape into who they will become; we see things we do not like. Maybe a slight lack of empathy at times, too demanding at others. Your child feels they should get 'something' every time you walk into a store. Maybe you've allowed the grandparents to overly spoil them, because you can't say no to them either. This has only increased the problem.

So, to be completely honest with ourselves, our bad habits in parenting may be costing our children their selves. Their inner peace, their ability to express themselves in a way that gets positive attention. It's our responsibility to fix this. Our habit did this, and breaking this parenting habit will bring us both out of this little world of chaos. According to Kate Miller-Wilson in her article 'Effects of Bad Parenting on Children' , there are seven ways your children can be affected. Poor social skills, psychological disorders, doing poorly in school, and problems with the law are only some; and no parent wants to see their child go through that.

We have the ability to stop it from happening, but it takes work. It means dealing with some tantrums while your child fights the changes. And if we can survive that brief stage of rebellion, calmer waters will prevail. It may not seem so in the throws of a child screaming and yelling, throwing tantrums and fighting every step of the way. It usually never does, but the first time you say something and your child, totally out of character, just does it, it'll bring tears to any mothers eyes.

Here are some tips to help you break your bad parenting habits:

1) Look at how your child is acting. If you don't like what you see, you need to honestly analyze what you are allowing them to get away with. The truth is, the buck stops with you. It can be incredibly hard to see our own mistakes, but if we want our children to act like the responsible, loving and empathetic little ones of our dreams we need to realize that they act the way we allow them to act.

2) Seek some advice. Our parents weren't lying when they complained how we didn't come with instruction manuals and they did the best they could. Now we are in the same boat. Luckily there are parenting groups, online information and child psychologists who can point us in the right direction. So find what and who works best for you.

3) Be consistent. This is the only way our children will understand that we mean business. Give in once and the whole effort will go up in smoke. Consistency is what children need and crave. When they understand the rules and where the boundaries are everyone can breathe a sigh of relief and start enjoying each other as a family.

4) Make a rewards system. Children respond better to rules and boundaries when they are consistently (there's that word again) told how well they are doing. Whether it's a star chart on the refrigerator so they have something to look at and be proud of or consistent verbal praise and reinforcement (or better yet, do both) of good behavior; your children will have a complete turn around from where they were heading.

It isn't easy breaking habits, but when it will give your child the ability to become a better person. To make their lives easier, to increase the love and communication between yourself and your child, it's worth it. It will always be worth it.

Published on Examiner.com: http://www.examiner.com/article/bad-parenting-habits-how-to-break-them-before-they-break-you

Life Lessons that Speak the Truth Through the Ages

There have been teachers and visionaries from the past whose words continue to hold meaning regardless of when they where originally spoken. It can become increasingly difficult in a world when we are expected to do more in less time to keep these basic life lessons in the forefront of our daily lives. We can fall into the trap of feeling like we have no control of our lives. That others have the power to dictate our present and future. We rush around trying to do as much as possible, blaming others for the negativity we allow them to force upon us. We make excuses for why we don't take care of ourselves and why we can't do anything to turn our lives around. When our life isn't working we continue to do the same things over and over again but wonder why our circumstances don't change. It's time to stop this cycle and really listen to what these teachers have to offer.  

Gandhi was born in 1869 and led India into independence. He inspired national movements of freedom across the world. His techniques were non-violent civil disobedience. Gandhi was one of the great teachers in this world, practicing what he preached in his daily life. When asked to give a message to the people his response would be, "My life is my message".  

Within the evolution of our society, we have lost these principles. It's time to reclaim our lives and regain our balance. These ten words of wisdom are as true today as they where in Gandhi's time: 

Be the change. There are many changes that we may want in our lives, but how often do we recognize that we are the ones that must first change in order for change to happen? We must do away with the thoughts that say the outside world must change before we can. We must be ambassadors to our own change; and as you shall will it, so shall it become. Calm your minds, figure out exactly what changes you want, then begin changing yourself so that you become the change you want. This could happen in small baby steps or large strides, but the how's do not matter. Just do it. See it in your minds eye and become it. Visualize your change and feel it. One day you will wake up and realize your change has already happened. 

What you think you become. This is powerful. It goes back to the Law of Attraction. If you constantly think you're broke, you probably are. If you always believe that others are out to get you at work and sabotage your efforts, that is all you will see. Now this isn't to say that I can simply concentrate on having a million dollars in my bank account and then it will mysteriously appear without any effort on my part beyond visualization. No no. You need to go back to the first word of wisdom "Be the change". If you do not put any effort into what you wish to become, sitting around and waiting for the knock on the door will never happen. Our minds do not know reality from imaginary. So if you are constantly depressed and think you will accomplish nothing in life, you most likely won't. But if you have a positive outlook, think and feel that you can accomplish what you want, and actively be the change you want; nothing can stop you. The right people will appear in your life with the kinds of opportunities you need to further your goals. Attitude is everything. 

Where there is love there is life. Love truly is the key to everything. We need to come to a realization that it does not matter our sex, orientation, color, nationality or religious/spiritual beliefs. We are all connected by nature and nature is the purest form of love. We are all living beings with hearts and souls. We feel pain and heart ache, we feel love and sadness, we feel sorrow and empathy. We are one. Our differences are what make up the beauty of this world we live on. I wouldn't want a world where everyone was the same, that would be far too boring. Our world is like a beautiful quilt with billions of different patches and patterns, colors and designs; all sown together into this patchwork layer that blankets the earth. What more love and beauty could you hope for? So the next time someone lashes out, share some of your love with them because they are the ones that need it the most. Be the change you wish to see in others, and they will eventually follow. They won't be able to help themselves. 

Learn as if you'll live forever. We as human beings are in a constant state of learning, but many of us believe that once the degree is awarded that learning ceases and you know all there is to know. This is a fallacy that will come back to bite you. There is always something new to learn, in and out of the classroom. We are all in a constant state of growth and evolution, even though our bodies age and we eventually pass on to what ever comes next, that is no excuse to cut yourself off from the beauty of knowledge. Many cultures believe in an afterlife or rebirth; wouldn't you need as much knowledge as possible when you pass on to your next existence?  

Your health is your real wealth. Not how many hours you put into your work week, or how much money you have accumulated. Not how large a home you live in or how flashy a car you drive, none of these things show true wealth. Our emotional, physical and spiritual health are our real wealth indicators. You can have all the objects in the world, but be miserable. You can live in an impoverished community and be amazingly happy and content. It has everything to do with how you take care of yourself. If your emotional, physical and spiritual needs are met you can see everything else for what it is, just things. They may hold memories, but memories are ours forever even when the things no longer exist. Take care of yourself and all else will naturally fall into place. 

Have a sense of humor. Life is about joy and love. Mistakes can and will happen along the way. Hurts will come your way; they are all a part of the life experience in our journey through our evolution. We can learn far more from our mistakes and hurts than by our successes. Our mistakes and hurts will lead us to our success if we look and see them as stepping stones along the way. We never fail, we simply learn lessons so we can do things differently the next time. But in all of this, we must have a sense of humor about it. This will keep us from delving too deeply into the mistake or hurt, only causing more mistakes and hurts to come our way. We see them, learn from them, laugh at them, and move on to the next. 

Your life is your message. It's all fine to sit up on a high horse and preach these ideals, but to teach them and live them simultaneously is to be a true teacher of wisdom. To see life through those eyes is something I strive for each and every day. To see love in everything and everyone, to keep these ideals in my life each day, that to me would be true peace. There have been and continue to be too many men and women who preach and scream the words of God or some other prophet, or savior, or gods/goddesses but loose sight of everything in their own daily lives. They become contradictory to all they say they believe in. This is no life to live. Only once you can begin to live your message can you find the inner peace we as humans strive for so much. 

Action expresses priorities. You may say your child comes first, but work late and are never home for dinner all in the name of the almighty dollar. So your child suffers because they need to see you more often. You can't let go of the past hurts and work our your differences with your ex, so your ex is never allowed visitation because you feel it is in the best interest of your child. But your child suffers because they are unable to see both of their loving parents. Your actions express your priorities. In the first, money is more important than quality time. In the second, hurting your ex is more important than the emotional and psychological needs of the child. These people may make excuses to make themselves feel better about what they are doing, but their priorities are warped and unhealthy. In both cases the priority of both parents is probably to do what is right for their child, but their actions contradict everything they are telling themselves. And in both cases and innocent child suffers for it. Really think about your priorities from all points of view. Ask questions, get some advice, and really make the effort to put aside your personal hurts or mistakes and insure your actions are true to your priorities. Don't judge yourself, just learn from it and move forward in your journey. 

Our greatness is in being able to remake ourselves. It is never too late to change our thought process, our diet, our emotional, physical or spiritual health. The point is to learn from our mistakes and hurts. Stop blaming others for all that has been done or said. Take your power back, you are the only one who should be in control of your power. We must see these mistakes and hurts as lessons and challenges on our evolutionary journey. People and circumstances come into our lives to help us learn. Some people are meant to stay longer than others. So the next time you experience anything that isn't comfortable, that makes you upset, sad or angry, try to see what lesson you need to learn from this. How can you be the change so this won't happen again. Make the change, step by step, and remake yourself into the greatness you are meant to be. 

Find yourself in the service of others. You get what you give in this world, this is the natural law. We are meant to experience love and joy in our lives. We can have both by offering of ourselves to others. I'm not saying we all need to dig into our pockets and try to donate to every cause that comes to our door, but what else can you offer? Your time? Your lightly used goods that you'll never wear or use again? Can you carry a case of bottled water in your car and hand these out to the homeless you see asking for handouts along the roadside? Pay it forward. Make an extra sandwich and give it to a homeless person who you see all the time. Help when and where you can. This is the actions of a wise and great person. 

These words of wisdom, these ideals can be difficult to hold close to you when life's frustrations come knocking at your door. Work, kids, carpool, soccer practice, what to make for dinner tonight, someone cutting you off in traffic - the list can go on and on. Striving for these wisdoms doesn't mean that you get to a place where you never experience any of these frustrations and anger, but that you take a much different path in dealing with them. Take enough time to think before you react to situations. Make sure that the things you do in all aspects of your life are holding true to your ideals. If they're not, there's no need to beat yourself up. Just take a deep breath, rethink it, see how you can be the change for the future and move forward. Even the greatest and wisest of teachers had to learn these steps, even they messed up. It gets better over time. You just need to trust in yourself that no matter what obstacles stand in your way you will make it. Love yourself and everything else will fall into place. 

Published on Yahoo!Voices: http://voices.yahoo.com/life-lessons-speak-truth-through-ages-12227430.html

The Wisdom of Forgiveness and Your Health

Have you ever allowed another person's actions to dictate your emotions? Are you angry and bitter every time you think of someone who has wronged you? If so, you're human but also probably living a more stressful and unhealthy life than you need to be. The problem with allowing others to control our emotions is that we cannot control what others do. If someone doesn't live up to our standards and expectations we allow them to destroy our happiness. We think that they have to do something in order to allow us to move forward. This leads to resentment, bitterness and physical and mental health issues. Who wants to live this way? I know I didn't, but realized that that was exactly what I was doing in my first marriage.

It certainly did not happen over night, but it happened. One day I woke up and realized I had given all of my power away. My life was no longer my own. Well, that had to stop. It took time and help from a counselor to rebuild my confidence in myself and take control of my life and my emotions. My marriage didn't survive, but although I contributed my share of mistakes that eventually ended our marriage, so did my ex-husband. And I've come to realize that holding onto all of the lies and betrayals, the unanswered questions and hurts is a waste of time. It does nothing to change the past and only keeps me in that unhealthy place. I would still be allowing him to control my happiness.

I know I'll never get the answers I would like about how our marriage turned out the way it did, and that's okay. I don't require these answers to move forward, to live my life, to raise my son, to find love again, to be happy. I can move on in spite of my past. If you're in a similar place in your life here are a few things that can help you find a healthier path:

1) Talk to someone.
It's hard to let go of past hurts. It doesn't make you a weak person if you ask for help. Friends and family can often times only fuel your anger, having a third party who can give you realistic goals and objectives to help you through the situation can be invaluable.

2) Write it out .
Write it all down, uncensored and raw. Don't hold back. Say everything you wish you could say, ask all the questions, tell them off; what ever you feel like writing. And when you're done, burn it and let it go. Don't let someone else have your power, they're never worth it.

3) Forgive.
Not for them, but for yourself. Forgiveness doesn't mean that what the person did was okay, it means that you have it within yourself to move on and have a happy, healthy life.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool, but it does take time to get to that place. However, the more you practice forgiveness in your life the easier it becomes. I think we have been taught by society that forgiveness means it's alright. That who ever has hurt us can just get away with what they have done . The reality of the situation is that no one gets away with the wrongs and hurts they have perpetuated onto others. There are lessons to be learned and if the other person continues in their negative behavior they will only attract this negativity back into their lives. So find peace in letting go of the hurt and forgiving in order to continue on your own path.

Published by Yahoo!Voices: http://voices.yahoo.com/the-wisdom-forgiveness-health-12220600.html